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How to Say Goodbye (and how to say Hello)
Say Hello
I'm going to get into the goodbye part in just a minute. But before I do, I want to take the opportunity to deepen our connection...
1. Sign up for the Great Work Blog - weekly goodness while you're waiting for this awesome newsletter
2. Connect with me on LinkedIn - the main social media site I use
3. Follow me on Twitter - a good way for some quick interaction
4. "Like me" on Facebook - We've just launched a new Box of Crayons fan page.
Saying Goodbye
This week I've been methodically unfriending my 1,897 friends from my personal Facebook page. It's all part of an ongoing process to get clearer and smarter about how Box of Crayons and I show up in the social media space, and one of the things I'm doing is making this Facebook page just family and a few of my closest friends.
It's been both sobering and sad to say good-bye to these people.
Sobering, because I simply have no idea who most of them they are. It's a reflection of my vanity and my laziness that they ended up on my list at all. It stroked my ego to be asked to "friend up" and it was easier to say Yes than No.
Sad, because some of the people I did know - but I don't now. They were friends and companions from different lives I've lived, and I've failed to keep blowing on the embers of those friendships and now there's only grey ash.
I talked about this long ago - it's part of the 6th principle here and the fifth question here but it's taking me a while to learn this lesson myself.
Here's what I've been reminded of this time around.
1. You never know where you find your friends
It only gets harder to find and keep your friends as you get older. I've learned this the hard way, as I've moved around different cities and have had to leave friends behind and begin again. You've probably experienced it too as you've gotten busy with your own life.
So how do you begin again?
Sometimes you get lucky. You find that person where you have the instant connection. The same sense of humour. The same hooks on what matters. It's as if there's an instant bridge between the two of you.
That's glorious - and I suspect rare.
More common is the friendship that grows from persistence. You show up for that first get-to-know-you-coffee, and there's the glimmer of something there. So you have a beer, and enjoy the conversation enough. And you catch up for a chat and that's fun. Then one of you picks up the phone to say hi. And before you know it, you've become friends, with hundreds of small strands of experience holding you together.
When I think of some of my closest friends now, I think to myself: Who saw that coming? Who might be worth a little more investment of your time?
2. It's not always ash
To pick up on my rather grim metaphor before, sometimes friendships that seem to have passed on are just lying dormant waiting for something cool to happen.
When I was 14 years old, I was deeply into Dungeons & Dragons. What excited me most was not the actual playing of the game - striding down a slime-filled corridor on the search for gold pieces and skewering an orc or seven with an arrow. It was in the designing of the dungeon, creating this small universe of adventure and daring-do.
(And yes, now as an author and facilitator, same skills used, just less chain mail.)
My working partner at that time was Pete from my high school. Not only was he cool, but he had a great eye and could draw. We spent hours huddled around the table turning graph paper into something beautiful.
Time moves on and I discover that Pete is now living in Brooklyn and building what will soon be the coolest hotel in NYC - which means, arguably the world.
And - amazingly, fantastically - hanging out with him is as delightful as it ever was. But still less chain mail.
2. Numbers are nothing
Quantity is nothing.
Quality is everything.
And time spent on quantity is time lost to quality.
It's been both sobering and sad to say good-bye to these people.
Sobering, because I simply have no idea who most of them they are. It's a reflection of my vanity and my laziness that they ended up on my list at all. It stroked my ego to be asked to "friend up" and it was easier to say Yes than No.
Sad, because some of the people I did know - but I don't now. They were friends and companions from different lives I've lived, and I've failed to keep blowing on the embers of those friendships and now there's only grey ash.
I talked about this long ago - it's part of the 6th principle here and the fifth question here but it's taking me a while to learn this lesson myself.
Here's what I've been reminded of this time around.
1. You never know where you find your friends
It only gets harder to find and keep your friends as you get older. I've learned this the hard way, as I've moved around different cities and have had to leave friends behind and begin again. You've probably experienced it too as you've gotten busy with your own life.
So how do you begin again?
Sometimes you get lucky. You find that person where you have the instant connection. The same sense of humour. The same hooks on what matters. It's as if there's an instant bridge between the two of you.
That's glorious - and I suspect rare.
More common is the friendship that grows from persistence. You show up for that first get-to-know-you-coffee, and there's the glimmer of something there. So you have a beer, and enjoy the conversation enough. And you catch up for a chat and that's fun. Then one of you picks up the phone to say hi. And before you know it, you've become friends, with hundreds of small strands of experience holding you together.
When I think of some of my closest friends now, I think to myself: Who saw that coming? Who might be worth a little more investment of your time?
- Who could you invite in?
2. It's not always ash
To pick up on my rather grim metaphor before, sometimes friendships that seem to have passed on are just lying dormant waiting for something cool to happen.
When I was 14 years old, I was deeply into Dungeons & Dragons. What excited me most was not the actual playing of the game - striding down a slime-filled corridor on the search for gold pieces and skewering an orc or seven with an arrow. It was in the designing of the dungeon, creating this small universe of adventure and daring-do.
(And yes, now as an author and facilitator, same skills used, just less chain mail.)
My working partner at that time was Pete from my high school. Not only was he cool, but he had a great eye and could draw. We spent hours huddled around the table turning graph paper into something beautiful.
Time moves on and I discover that Pete is now living in Brooklyn and building what will soon be the coolest hotel in NYC - which means, arguably the world.
And - amazingly, fantastically - hanging out with him is as delightful as it ever was. But still less chain mail.
- If you could rekindle one friendship, which one would it be?
2. Numbers are nothing
Quantity is nothing.
Quality is everything.
And time spent on quantity is time lost to quality.
- Who should you defriend?
4. Now's a good time
To make a call.
To write a note.
To arrange a meet up.
To look someone in the eyes and say you're pretty damn awesome.
To ask for help.
To accept them fully.
To have some fun.
- Will you pick one of these for one of your friends and act upon it?
Don't Take My Word For It
Don't Take My Word For It
Smart people thinking out loud about saying goodbye.
Every goodbye is the birth of a memory.
Dutch proverb
Could we see when and where we are to meet again, we would be more tender when we bid our friends goodbye.
Ouida, writer
The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.
Jimi Hendrix, musician
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.
Trey Parker, animator
Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction.
Jean Dubuffet, artist
Later this month I'll be opening up applications to be Program Leaders for Box of Crayons' programs.
In 2011 we sold more than a million dollars worth of programs (woo hoo!) to organizations around the world and we're looking for some other fantastic people to join the team to market and deliver the programs. You can see some the members of our faculty here.
This isn't for everyone. Experience tells us for this to be a success, you will need:
Entrepreneurial gusto - you'll need to find your clients
Corporate gravitas - we primarily serve Fortune 1000 companies
Facilitation nous - you're elegant and fluid in front of a group
Coaching roots - you know the basics of coaching.
This seems to be a best fit if you're looking to add to an existing portfolio. In other words, you've already been successfully selling services to clients and you want something new, cool (and profitable) to add to the mix.
It also can be an advantage to have a colleague or partner you might work with - although our Program Leader who generated the most business for the last two years works by himself.
If you want to be on the "tell me more" list, just click I'm interested in Becoming a Box of Crayons Program Leader and you'll be the first to know.
Don't Take My Word For It
Smart people thinking out loud about saying goodbye.Every goodbye is the birth of a memory.
Dutch proverb
Dutch proverb
Could we see when and where we are to meet again, we would be more tender when we bid our friends goodbye.
Ouida, writer
Ouida, writer
The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.
Jimi Hendrix, musician
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.Trey Parker, animator
Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction.
Jean Dubuffet, artist
Jean Dubuffet, artist
In 2011 we sold more than a million dollars worth of programs (woo hoo!) to organizations around the world and we're looking for some other fantastic people to join the team to market and deliver the programs. You can see some the members of our faculty here.
This isn't for everyone. Experience tells us for this to be a success, you will need:
Entrepreneurial gusto - you'll need to find your clients
Corporate gravitas - we primarily serve Fortune 1000 companies
Facilitation nous - you're elegant and fluid in front of a group
Coaching roots - you know the basics of coaching.
This seems to be a best fit if you're looking to add to an existing portfolio. In other words, you've already been successfully selling services to clients and you want something new, cool (and profitable) to add to the mix.
It also can be an advantage to have a colleague or partner you might work with - although our Program Leader who generated the most business for the last two years works by himself.
If you want to be on the "tell me more" list, just click I'm interested in Becoming a Box of Crayons Program Leader and you'll be the first to know.
Warm wishes,
Michael Bungay Stanier
Founder, Box of Crayons
Michael Bungay Stanier
Founder, Box of Crayons
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