Transition Aging Parents

In my recent interview with the founders of Caregiver Relief Fund, I found that one of their key criteria for selecting recipients (of aid) is that the caregiver must be in their role for at least 12 months.  Founder Michael Lindenmayer shared that such a caregiver will likely be at their point of exhaustion, a critical point for intervention.  If they do not seek out help then, they may go into silent crisis mode and vanish.   Michael's recognition of this critical point is a warning for each of us. However, you may reach your state of exhaustion much sooner.

Please do not wait until you are at your point of exhaustion!  I am providing some resources (below) that you can investigate and consider now.  

• Before I get into external resources, be sure you have opened up the lines of communication with your family members, your place of worship and established sources of support (friends and neighbors).  Sometimes in the chaos of caregiving, we overlook the very people who would help us if they were aware of our situation.

• Support for spousal caregivers. If your aging parent is caring for their spouse or you find yourself caring for your spouse, do not think you can do it alone.  Reach out to your family and children, keep them informed and involved.  Spousal caregivers are probably most likely to feel that it is their obligation to bear the burden alone.  It is not.  Wellspouse offers a great site with resources and online chat forum; organizes regional respite weekends, and provides continuing support for members whose spouses have died: http://wellspouse.org/

• Family Care Navigator (state by state).  This is an awesome resource provided by the Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA.) You simply click on the US map for the state you're interested in.   FCA navigator helps you locate government, nonprofit and private programs in your area (covering  services for caregivers and older adults.)  It includes info on government health and disability programs, legal resources and disease specific organizations.  http://caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/fcn_content_node.jsp?nodeid=2083

• Area Agency on Aging. As soon as you become a caregiver, contact your local Area Agency on Aging to learn of their comprehensive service offerings for those aged 60+.  You can read my review of one such agency at:  http://www.transitionagingparents.com/2010/03/29/important-little-known-resource-for-an-aging-parent/

• Adult Day Care.  What's your perception of adult day care?  4,000 centers in our country provide care for the older adult and respite for their caregivers.  Included are innovative programs that keep the mind and body engaged and fit.  Recent research show the centers improve overall quality of life for seniors and their caregivers report less depression and anger, and a greater sense of well-being.  Read more in a recent NYTimes article, http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/a-reprieve-for-caregivers-and-the-elderly-alike/  Find an Adult Day Care Center at: http://nadsa.org/

• An Eldercare specialist.  Many times we just need to speak to a professional who understands our situation and is able to offer the right resources and options for our particular family and financial situation.  While there are many coaches and services out there, I highly recommend Aging with Grace (founded by Patricia Grace.)  For one low annual fee, Patricia's quality service offers "unlimited telephone access to eldercare specialists as well as online access to extensive eldercare/caregiver Knowledge Base".  For details,   http://agingwithgrace.net/pages/individuals  

To learn about symptoms of caregiver burnout, http://www.caregiver.com/articles/caregiver/caregiver_burnout.htm

• Comprehensive list of scams.  The message is that "predatory caregiving" is at epidemic proportions in the country.  This serious problem affects the elderly across socio-economic boundaries.  If you think it can never happen to your loved one, you need to watch this DVD.   In a very short period of time, these criminals can starve, over-medicate or poison your loved one.
• Signs of hording and tips for organization.  Hoarding has gotten a lot of publicity lately.  The DVD highlights the facts and offers help.
• Long-term care options.  The biggest lesson learned here is: do not rely on the official tour and the physical appearance/beautiful facade of a nursing home.