Transition Aging Parents

We've all seen the articles, radio and television segments on "Hoarding".  I didn't think my mother was that bad until a 3 month home-bound illness in 2008 put her living situation over the top.  I lived 600 miles away, had not seen the downward spiral, and had been assured by my brother that all was well.  What I found was incredibly disturbing.

When I arrived at her home, I could not figure out where my mother slept because every bed was covered with piles of clothing.  Every surface in the kitchen was covered with dirty pots, food boxes everywhere, even perishables left out.  Then there were the 4 bottles of molasses (and she is diabetic!)  The mail and bills were scattered and overflowing. Perhaps most troubling was the stack of unfilled prescription scripts and the many prescription pills ground into the carpet. 

Let me share the top points from a recently written NYTimes article, "When It Isn't Just Clutter Anymore", and then I'll tell you how we helped my mother get out from under all her clutter.

 It's important to recognize that this disorder crosses socio-economic boundaries.  The woman featured in the Times article was a retired college professor living in a New York apartment!

What is hoarding?

• It's a "compulsive need to acquire and inability to discard items of no apparent value, to the point where one's ability to function becomes impaired"

• It's a disorder that begins early in life but symptoms tend to increase with each decade (and the stuff also increases).  My mother's past behavior absolutely supports this.

• Typical hoarding includes junk mail, plastic containers, newspapers, plastic bags, food, and animals (the people with a hundred cats!)

• A normal person might buy 3 or 4 boxes of something on sale, but a hoarder would buy 40.

What behaviors are common with hoarding?  A hoarder

• Will come up with lots of reasons why he needs to keep the stuff

• Will say the mess doesn't bother them

• Will say it's their home so "back off"

What are the dangers to the person hoarding?  The clutter can

• Cause fire

• Draw roaches and rodents

• Increase the risk of falling as the person has to navigate piles of debris

• Lead to poor nutrition when the person can no longer prepare their meals

• Lead to poor hygiene when the person can no longer bathe

• Be an invisible problem to those outside the home

How to deal with this

• Know that a clean-up is only a temporary fix. If you clean a home out, it will be re-cluttered in 6 months

• There is no simple, reliable, widely available treatment

• Common treatment is a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and a drug class, serotonin reuptake inhibitors

The retired professor in the article is seeing a counselor and working with a professional organizer. She can now sleep in her bedroom!

As for my mother, her major health crisis in 2008 made her realize she could no longer maintain her own home.  In a 3 month time frame we were able to clear out her home and move her into the retirement community of her choice.  It was a tedious and slow process because we felt it was important to have Mom involved in the decision-making.  There were moments when I felt as if I was being slapped in the face by the severity of the situation: the cleaning service I hired who announced the home should be condemned, finding 40 black skirts in the same size/color (many with tags on), finding tax returns from the 1950s laying out on a table in the basement (they had only lived in the home since 1979), and so much more!.

The thing that helped my mother most, I believe, is the structure provided by her living situation in her retirement community.  There is a weekly cleaning service that ensures her apartment is kept clean and safe. If they see an unsafe situation, they report it.  Of course, Mom's walk-in closet is incredibly cluttered but she resists help with that. I don't think she'll ever be free of what I call "the clutter monster".

To read about and listen to my story (as shared with Viki Kind),click here.

Source; "When It Isn't Just Clutter Anymore", http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/20/when-its-not-just-clutter-anymore/?scp=1&sq=when%20it%20just%20isn%27t%20clutter%20anymore&st=cse