How do you stick with writing -- potentially for many months or years before you see much reward -- if the people around you aren't supportive?
I'm really lucky: my mum's a writer too, and has encouraged and supported my
writing since I was young. (We started taking a creative writing evening class together when I was 14.)
My husband and I met via an online text-only game, which basically involved writing collaborative, real-time stories with a bunch of other people. He's written fiction in the past and he writes a ton of academic stuff, so he gets what it is to be a writer. He's also an excellent beta-reader.
I'm aware, though, that a lot of
writers can't count on any support from the people near to them. In fact, some writers face active hostility from family and friends.
Here are three suggestions for sticking with it, if that's happening to you:
#1: Ask for What You Need
I'm not great at this (though since having two kids, I'm rapidly having to get better!) Life in the Luke household definitely runs more happily for everyone when I
actually ask for what I need -- like time to write.
If your spouse keeps interrupting you, if you don't have a quiet place in the house to write, if you could really do with getting away from the house and kids once in a while to focus on your writing ... then ask for what you need.
This might involve negotiating. It might mean accepting that, at least for now, your writing will be accorded "hobby" status by you and your family: it's
something you do in your free time, and they have the same amount of free time to do whatever they most want to do.
If having enough time is a key issue or struggle, I've found it helps to be really specific. Come to an agreement and write it down (e.g. "My writing time is every weeknight from 8pm - 8.30pm and from 9am - 10am on Saturdays.)
#2: Take Control of What You Can
Control
What's the main problem you're facing right now, in terms of the lack of support from your loved ones? What can't you control about it ... and what can you change?
For instance, however much you might want to, you can't stop your spouse (or kids) from coming in and chatting to you or demanding your attention while you're writing. You can ask them not to, but they may or may not
listen.
You can, however, probably do at least one of these:
- Close the door when you're writing.
- Put on noise-cancelling headphones when you're writing. (You don't have to play music through them unless you want to.)
- Write in the most remote room you have. (This might mean writing in the shed.)
- Leave the house and write somewhere else. (Library, coffee shop, park bench, friend's house, in your car...)
- Write at a time of
day when everyone else in the house is asleep or out.
... or anything else that makes you less accessible (or not present at all).
#3: Get Support from Other Writers
Let's face it, most people don't "get" writing. They don't understand why you'd feel keen (or even compelled) to put words down on the page. They don't necessarily read many books and they may question whether the world
needs another book in it.
Also, some non-writers are unsupportive because they care about you! From their perspective, you're spending a lot of time and energy on something that seems unnecessary. If you're seeking publication, they may worry how you'll feel if you get rejected.
Of course, this isn't really the sort of caring and support that you want. So seek out people who do get it: other writers. For me, that's generally
meant being part of a writers' group that meets regularly face-to-face, though it's tough to get out in the evenings now so I mostly connect with other writers online.
If you are feeling unsupported right now, please hang on in there. Keep writing. Find other writers to connect with (both offline and online). If you don't know any writers or if you just need a bit of encouragement and cheering on, feel free to email me (
[email protected]) any time.
I get it, and I'm rooting for you!
