Amplify's Parent Network

February Newsletter 2011

Sex, Morals, and Religion

In my reading on teens and their sexual choices, I have run across studies that indicate that teens who choose abstinence are more likely to say they are motived by religion or morals than other factors, such as fear of STDs and pregnancy (although that had an impact).

Those of us wh Father and daughterflying kite

o have lived through the "sexual revolution" may have seen that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and perhaps would like our kids to adopt a different set of values than our generation had. Instilling a sense of morals, whether from your family values or as part of adherence to your faith, is critical in giving your teens the backbone to say "No" to premarital sexual activity.

Just in case this doesn't seem "enlightened" for a 21st century parent, may I point out that we do this all the time with other areas which may have had appeal in our younger years---getting drunk, shoplifting, joyriding, vandalism--but of which we now disapprove and even find dangerous to health or psyche.

This raises the question: Can you articulate your values with regard to sex, defining for your teen what relationships are meant for sex and which aren't...and why? Do you know what your faith's sacred writings say about sex outside of marriage? It's not hard to find help, and you needn't reinvent the wheel. I was able to do a web search, for instance, for "Bible verses sex" leading me to collections of scriptures pertaining to sex which helped me prepare for a presentation to teens of that faith. Another idea is to take advantage of opportunities for your teens to hear the message elsewhere. Maybe from a youth leader, or a great book (click this link for resources*), or trusted "2nd mom" to your kids. Some churches put on events that are open to the public, like an upcoming Mom-Daughter event with Rebecca St. James, a singer whose 2003 song, "I Will Wait for You," became popular, and who is now engaged. (Also see sidebar). HGNA (Helping Girls Navigate Adolescence), while not specifically focused on abstinence, has several events throughout the year that especially empower girls to make good choices.

For a subject as important as this one, with potentially serious consequences, it's no time to be "open-minded." Mason Cooley, a professor who was known for his witty sayings, stated: "I am open-minded on all questions I care nothing about." Fellow Parents, we have things to say, and should say them confidently: "Our family believes...," or "I believe...," or "Our God says...."

Happy parenting,

Tori Libby

*Our website has a general book list, but we have also developed a faith-based list we hand out when Amplify is invited to churches. Feel free to e-mail me if you'd like that list.