Amplify's Parent Network

January Newsletter 2011

Is it Worth the Wait?

Teens are often thinking: WeddingCouple

"Yeah, but what if you don't get an STD or get a girl pregnant? Why NOT have sex?" Besides the fact that you can't cherry pick your consequences, or be at all sure that your chosen form of "protection" will work, there are other reasons to be abstinent. And that includes better outcomes in later years for those who choose to wait.

One study found that "20 years after the initial data collection men and women who had reported being virgins at age 18 were about 50% less likely to be divorced, had completed one additional year of formal education and had annual incomes about 20% higher than people who were not virgins at age 18." More importantly, the researchers found that the benefits were "inherent to remaining abstinent," not just due to avoiding teen pregnancy.

OK, so that's those who make it to 18. What about those who are sexually active before marriage and have regrets? Does it make any difference to pick up the pieces and start over? YES! It turns out that "couples who delay sex until their wedding night have more stable and happier marriages than couples who have premarital sex" according to a new study published in The Journal of Family Psychology. And that was even true for those who had had previous sexual experiences. What's more (and I LOVE to point this out to students with a grin) you don't have to "test drive the car" before buying it to find out if you're sexually compatible. The study also showed that couples who wait until marriage are happier with the quality of their sexual relationship than couples who have intercourse before marriage.

The point is that it's never too late to choose abstinence. As a college student who experienced regrets and consequences (mine were emotional), I took a step back and made a commitment to wait until marriage, and kept it. I've now been happily married for 28 years. There are of course many happy unions where the couple's sex life began before the wedding night, but now that we know more, why not give our kids the additional information that abstinence, statistically speaking, enhances their chances of having a GREAT marriage!

Happy parenting,

Tori Libby