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Parent News, June
Sent Saturday, June 11, 2011
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Amplify's Parent Network |
June Newsletter 2011 | |||||||||||||||
| Guiding...or Controlling? Finding the Balance
I saw a study yesterday that reminded me of past battles in my home with my teens (who are now, thankfully, 20-somethings). I couldn't keep that familiar triumphant "I told you so" from crossing my mind when I read the online article entitled "Men see bikini-clad women as objects, psychologists say." As a sex educator, I guess I know too much about what all that exposed flesh does to the male mind
 , and I was always trying to get my daughters to cover up a little more when they headed for the beach! When they were younger, I simply bought them one-piece suits. When they hit the mid-teens, I compromised by allowing "tankinis" that covered their middles, and when they got older, I simply "commented" on their purchases if I thought a swimsuit revealed a bit much. With this, as with other issues, it was always a challenge deciding at what point I would transition from "not while you are under my roof" to "this is what I think, but it's your decision."
There are dangers on both ends of the spectrum. Parents who don't make that transition have failed to equip their children to take responsibility for their own choices. Society now labels them "helicopter parents," who hover worriedly over their children at all times. Yet, parents who give up guiding their teens altogether fail to recognize their real responsibility to BE parents, role models and guides.
If you are reading this newsletter, you are, most likely, a parent who takes your job seriously. You might be encouraged to persevere when you read the conclusions reached by researcher George Barna, who looked at what parents did to raise mature, morally strong kids. According to one reviewer, "The differences were clear and striking. In the families producing spiritual champions, there was no doubt who was in charge; the children were taught how to think...parents did not give in to all the trends; they were proactive and limited what kids saw on TV and were selective about what kind of friends they had." The reviewer went on to say that these parents were more concerned with producing mature adults than "pleasing their children in the moment." Finally (and this is the part that gave me some encouragement): "These parents are in control with their 'hands on' and struggle when to take their hands off, whereas typical parents are 'hands off' and struggle about when to put their hands on. He [Barna] calls these sorts of parents 'Revolutionary Parents.'" I can see many mistakes I made as a parent, but I do see fruit from my labors, and believe being willing to go through the hard work of discerning when to direct, and when to guide, is worth it.
Happy Parenting,
Tori Libby
P.S. Here are two articles on how parents can help teens makes good decisions: this one is for parents with a faith background, and here's one that is secularly oriented.
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