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Parent News, September
Sent Wednesday, September 14, 2011
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Amplify's Parent Network |
September Newsletter 2011 | |||||||||||||||
| Forgiving Our Children Every one of us has kids who blow it...they do something stupid, or even shocking. We sit down at the computer and, on a hunch, check the history, only to discover a son has  been looking at the most demeaning pornography...every day. Maybe your daughter's cell phone has clear evidence that she has been sending
racy pictures of herself, and has received them as well. A teacher
calls with clear evidence of cheating...or a police officer comes knocking on
the door. Our heart stops, stomach churns, and we feel a paralyzing mixture of deep disappointment, anger, and grief. That's when we have a choice. React, or carefully consider the impact of how we handle the transgression. I believe that there are several things that can help parents confront the behavior, while not alienating or causing despair. * Remember this is not about you. You child almost certainly did not set out to ruin your reputation as a parent, make you feel like a failure, or slap you in the face ("What did I do to deserve this?"). * Recognize legitimate grief, and resolve to accept the new reality. You must leave behind the story you thought your family was living...the one that turned out the way you hoped and planned. What has happened cannot be undone. Forgive. * Extend grace and hope. Especially with the teen who is remorseful or ashamed. This event is not the end of the story. As I say in the classroom, to teens: "No matter what you've done in the past, it's never too late. You can make a different choice today, tomorrow or anytime you want." * Get help, and work toward resolution. Read books, do online research, consult a counselor, talk to your child's youth pastor, confide in a wise friend. If your daughter has an addiction, become an expert on it. If your son is acting out of deep wounds, lavish him with love and acceptance, and ask forgiveness (humility before our child goes far) for what you might have done to contribute to the situation. If he or she is defiant and rebellious, strengthen your resolve and set boundaries with consequences for violations. When your family story takes an unexpected detour, and your teens find themselves standing at a fork in the road, forgiving them will communicate that you have not given up on them, and that nothing they can do will remove your love and commitment to them. They just might find renewed strength and courage to take the wise path toward mature adulthood. Always a mom,
Tori Libby
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 We are looking for people to interview about Amplify's program. If you or your son or daughter would be willing to get in front of a camera and tell us what you appreciated about Amplify's visit to your church or school, please contact Andrea Nelson at
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