Darci Lang

In the airport last week, I was "observing" a man who looked angry and very depleted.  We were in line to check our suitcases and he was already agitated. He wasn't very friendly to the smiling WestJet agent.

In the short security line, he complained about the length.  And then the unthinkable happened.  Security found a full-sized shaving cream in his carry on.  I took a step away from my "behaviorally challenged" flying friend as he reluctantly handed over his $3.00 shaving cream.

I observed him in the waiting area sitting alone, staring out the window like he had lost something. I reflected that it looked as if he was looking for a piece of his soul. 

He walked up the aisle of the plane and I realized that he was going to be my neighbor. He forcefully shoved his suitcase in the overhead and slumped with a heavy sigh into the seat next to me. I smiled to myself and thought "this is definitely a chance for some one-on-one observation".

I respectfully gave him the cool down time he needed. (Not everyone is excited to sit next to a "Motivational Speaker".) After a few minutes, I started. I like to look for way to connect so I said "those overheads are never big enough are they?"  As he turned to agree, I could see the pain in his eyes.

We spent a few minutes exchanging "surface" conversation -- the weather, the economy, our jobs and then I asked him about his family.  He told me about his crumbling marriage and his estranged relationship with his only child - a 19 year old son. He teared up as he told me his boy was using drugs. On top of all that, his job had changed and now he had to travel every week in a time when he really needed to be home. We spent the rest of the flight talking about his boy and I reminded him that in all that he is doing, his boy needs to know he loves him.  I gave him a much needed hug as he departed and prayed for him and his family.

What I have learned about unhappy people is that there is always more below the surface. If you look deep in the eyes of the unhappiest people you meet, you will see their pain. As I say in my presentations, the pain people show on the outside pales in comparison to what they feel inside.

I know it is not easy to deal with, work with or live with unhappy people but the ability to see them with compassion, with a 90% view, has transformed how I connect with others. This is something I am always working on, how well I connect with the 90% people AND the 10% ones. Maybe the 10%s need that connection even more than anyone else?