I work very hard at being a 90% positive person. There are times where I am challenged by this. At different points in my life, I have felt angry and frustrated with someone I love, work with or has become a friend.

I am a Christian and interested in other religions and beliefs. I read an article in Whole Living magazine asking readers to share their best ideas and a reader wrote in sharing an excerpt from the book "Ethical Wisdom: What Makes Us Good" by Mark Matousek.

He shares a belief that you should ask yourself three questions before you speak: "Is it true? Is it necessary? And is it kind?"

I am the type of person who needs to cool down before I talk. If I don't, invariably I say things I regret. So before I talk to someone about how I am feeling I take a step back and ask myself those three questions.

Is it true?  Sometimes when I am "feeling" something, it's my feeling and not theirs. And honestly, sometimes, the reason I am upset at someone is because they said something that was true. And upon reflection I learn that is what bothered me after all...they were right!! And my ego wanted to be right instead.

Is it necessary?  Once I cool down I often feel it's not even worth bringing up. Is it worth talking about something that happened a week ago? Is it worth dragging it back up? I know people who gunny sack their anger. I believe that will make you sick. We have to learn to let it go and forgive. I am not perfect. Neither is anyone else. I love the saying "resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Is it kind?  I would never ever treat a client disrespectfully, so why would I treat the people I love, work with and are friends with ... any differently? Before I open my mouth, I say the words in my head, "Is this a 90% kind thing you are going to say?" If not. I try not to. My Gramma taught me, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Sometimes after asking these questions, the answer is "yes". It is true, necessary and kind to share my feelings or express my views. Not everyone is going to agree with everything I say or do but as long as I am true to me, it's okay.

I have typed these three lines up and printed out two copies. I put a copy on my desk and one in my wallet to remind me of these profound words before I speak. Am I spreading forgiveness, patience and love by how kind I am being to others?