http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthlyMonthly NewsletterTue, 28 Feb 2012 17:21:54 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/99YZA/h/AWHJ_is_now_COJ_.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Circle of Joy February 2012 Newsletter Dear Friends, Since I launched this ministry known as A Woman's Healing Journey in 2004, we've continued to look for new ways to help wounded womens' hearts heal. We've also become deeply aware that helping marriages heal is usually a big part of what a woman wants and needs, including deep emotional intimacy with her husband. So when that doesn't happenwhen her husband remains handicapped in knowing how to grow deep emotional intimacy with herfull healing fails to happen for both of them. What they need, and what each longs for, remains out of their reach. In the last few months we've added wonderful new resources to fill that gap. Now, it gives me great joy to introduce to you Pastor Steve and our new men's site, Freedom Unit, as well as the wonderful new telephone support groups Steve offers men in recovery. Because these groups provide a way to heal old heart wounds in a man's life, and help empower him to grow new, deep emotional bonds with his wife, we've titled the groups, Lighting Up Your Wife a husband; a father; and a deacon in his evangelical church; a school board member at his kids' Christian school. And a sexual addict. Martin had been arrested for strangling his wife, Mary, to death so he could be with one of his Internet affair partners. His addiction, which started with pornographythe addiction often described as a victimless crimehad taken him to the ultimate. Help Us - And Get a Free CD from Music for the Soul by Abby Kelly What is your marriage worth to you? What are you willing to give up to save that precious relationship? Would you buy generic brands at the grocery store? Would you drive past Starbucks, or drink tap water instead of Dasani? A Woman's Healing Journey has already helped many women heal in the wake of their spouse's sexual betrayal. Now, broadening it's reach and changing it's name, A Circle of Joy is reaching out to the husbands caught in the snare of sexual addiction, and leading them toward freedom and joy. Visit our men's link, Freedom Unit, and learn how men are helping men build authentic, joy-based relationships and walk in freedom together. Have you experienced the eye opening grace of Jesus Christ, extended by AWHJ? Would you consider helping support their outreach as A Circle of Joy Ministries? Perhaps you could pledge a $5 donation every month? If each of us gives even this much, together we can make a difference for hurting marriages damaged by sexual addiction. We are grateful for any contributions, but we are offering a special gift for the first 39 one-time donations of $35 or more. For the first 39 gifts of at least $35, we will send a free copy of, Somebody's Daughter , a moving CD about pornography, by Music for the Soul To send your donation, please visit our website, www.ACircleofJoy.com Click the 'Donate' button to make a secure donation. Thank you, Friend, for your continued support both practically and in prayer. Sincerely, ABBY KELLY Predatory Lies Next Group Sessions: Lighting Up Your Life and Your Wife We are happy to tell you about a special group for a few men who want to learn how they can create and nurture a bond with their wife that will warm her heart, light up her eyes, and energize their lives! This special groups starts soon, so don't delay. Facilitated by Pastor Steve, this 12-week group is limited to five men who are in recovery, and will meet weekly in a telephone/web cam based session for an hour-and-a-half. Together, you will work through the life changing little book, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, and the workbook, Bringing the Life Model to Life. Come expecting to break through relational barriers, grow, and heal at a deeper level, and be ready to never look back at your old way of relating. Sessions are $30 each, paid for either $120 in three installments, or $360 in one lump payment. Journey to Healing and Joy This group and the workbook provide a place to process your pain and the many other emotions you are dealing with; helps you learn what detachment is and how to use it when necessary; and provides helpful information and processing questions on several other topics partners need help with, including, among others, boundaries, forgiveness, and starting again, whether you are alone or with your husband. Prayer and Share Drop-In Group This is a year-round, drop-in group especially for women who are married to men in ministry who are sex addicts, or who are in ministry themselves. It's a place to share and pray together on a weekly basis, or as often as you feel the need to connect with women facing your special challenges. Each group session lasts 1.5 hours. The cost for the group is $25 per month. New Coach! Meet Steve Pastor Steve learned about this addiction from a different angle than most. When his first wife abandoned him and their three children, his heart was shattered, leaving many of his human needs unmet. As he finished raising three children and went on pastoring his church, he knew he needed a circle of brothers who would meet with him, love him, and walk with him in accountability. And it worked. In time his heart healed, and he fell in love with and married Kristie, the love of his life. After 14 years together, they keep their joy kindled on a daily basis so a life of freedom, deep emotional connection, and joy won't stop. As an ordained minister, he has counseled scores of men since becoming a pastor in 1975. Using the power of the Life Model, Steve now coaches men in discovering and living a life of longterm sexual sobriety and deep emotional intimacy with their wives, their children, and with God. Come; take the journey to freedom with him! Tue, 28 Feb 2012 17:21:54 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/Jr0As/h/AWHJ_December_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey December 2011 Newsletter Dear Friends, As we celebrate this Christmas season, our thoughts and prayers include you. We are deeply aware that for many of you, 2011 has been a year of extreme heartache and loss. Yet for some, there have also been newfound treasures buried in your "trauma chest:" a more meaningful relationship with God; a re-discovery of yourself, as an individual; or a more intimate connection with your husband because, for the first time, you know everything there is to know about him and he's finally opening his heart to you. But wherever you are in your healing Journey, we want you to know that we care, and we are working to meet your needs for healing. We've rewritten the Partner's Healing Journey workbook, and the brand new version, Journey to Healing & Joy, is now available in a beautifiul new format. It is the only workbook for partners of sexual addicts that incorporates both the trauma model and the Life Model to help you heal and learn how to keep your "joy cup" full, with or without a man in your life. And we've added new groups to help you continue to heal and grow: Coach Sarah now facilitates a 52 week a year drop-in Prayer & Share time for ministry wives whose husbands struggle with sexual addiction Coach Debbie now facilitates non-traditional, Christ-centered 12 step groups Coach Keisha, who lives abroad, now provides support for women in Europe, Asia, Africa, Austrailia, New Zealand, and parts of Polynesia Pastor Steve has joined us and now facilitates Life Model groups for recovering men whose unresolved trauma still blocks their ability to emotionally connect with others, including their wives, at a heart-to-heart level Coach Jodi, now trained and very skilled at Immanuel Processing, facilitates Immanuel Processing sessions with individuals and groups to enable them to heal unresolved trauma And Coach Christy, Coach Sarah, and Marsha continue to facilitate groups for new women on this side of the world using the new Journey to Healing & Joy workbook. And Abby has joined us as a volunteer networker, grant writer, and public relations wonder. She is a true gift from God! From all of us to all of you, may this Christmas season bring new awareness that our God came not as a ruler, but as a baby, laid in a manger, so that he might walk among us and die for our transgressions so we can know forgiveness, new hope, new joy, and new life with him forever. Merry Christmas, Sarah, Debbie, Keisha, Christy, Jodi, Steve & Marsha Tue, 13 Dec 2011 12:22:59 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/1fYtU/h/AWHJ_April_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey April 2011 Newsletter What If by Marsha Means, MA How real is God to you this Easter? Is he still on the cross in your mind? In the grave they buried him in two thousand years ago? Or did he really come back to life after three days in a tomb and is now in heaven preparing an eternal home for you? Though we didn't plan this painful journey of betrayal and heartache, in our desperation for hope some of us encounter a living, loving, caring God as we grieve the losses of our husband's addiction and seek to heal and reorient ourselves and our lives. I remember so well the night I encountered him in an amazing new way. It was Christmas Eve 7+ years ago and I was sitting on a bed in southern Brazil. What If? I'd like to ask you to ponder some questions this Easter: What if Jesus really did rise from that grave? What if he really is what the name Immanuel implies: "God with us," wherever we are, whatever we're going through? What if he really wants to be the "husband of the husbandless" as an ancient Scripture describes? If he really is all those things, could grabbing his hand for comfort and support help you through this time of terrible pain? Promises Coming Alive by Christy Kane Matthew 14:2-3 ~ My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. (NIV) We're all familiar with this passageJesus' promise before he ascended into heaven. I've heard it at least every year around Easter since I was born; and somewhere along the line it became a stale routine. The promise was not alive and real to me, even though I became a Christian when I was about seven. Because I struggled with depression and low self-esteem, I also struggled to believe any of God's promises. They were so ancient; spoken to people who lived thousands of years ago. I couldn't see how they could possibly apply to me. I believed in my head, but I did not have the inner-knowing of the heart. But I did believe the many lies thrown at me by others in my life: that I was defective, ugly, unlikeable, and not good enough. And I believed that was what God thought of me, too. God With Us Telephone Chapel Announcing a weekly drop-in "God With Us Telephone Chapel" on Mondays at 9am PDT/10am MDT/11am CDT/Noon EDT. Marsha and Coach Jodi are joining in inviting you to join them for an hour on Monday mornings to explore the concept and possibility that God just might be available to be with us in our lives in a tangible, comforting, satisfying way. So if you want to explore the "What If" questions posed in Marsha's Easter newsletter, please join us for this one-hour no-cost, drop-in, interactive call to explore these concepts. We would love to talk to you there. New Boundaries Group Forming When we live with an addict of any kind, boundaries become particularly important. But when we live with a sex addict, they become imperative! If this is an area where you'd like to do some focused work and growth, we invite you to join Marsha as she starts a new Boundaries When You Love A Sex Addict telephone support group. Though we use Drs Henry Cloud and John Townsend's book and workbook titled, Boundaries in Marriage, most of what we process as a group is focused on the special challenges we face as we strive to live out healthy boundaries with the sexual addict we're married to. These groups follow the same format used in the Partner's Healing Journey telephone support groups. We meet for 1half hour each week and limit the groups to four women so each participant has plenty of time to share and integrate the material into her life. This group will launch within the next three weeks; if you would like to participate, please email Marsha at marsha@awomanshealingjourney.com and tell her which days and times would work in your schedule for this 14-week group. The cost for 14 1half hour sessions is $400, which can be paid in four monthly installments of $100 each. Credit cards are accepted. Wed, 20 Apr 2011 17:02:38 -0400http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/roIA/h/AWHJ_February_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey February 2011 Newsletter Dear Friends, As we as a team continue to walk with women whose lives are shattered by the disclosure or discovery of sexual addiction in their marriages, I am frequently reminded there is no "One size fits all" way to heal, even though we all feel the same heartaches and experience the same losses. Yet there are a few key ingredients we all seem to desperately need, including: A safe place to share our hearts and hurts with women who truly understand A guide who is further along in this healing journey than we are Support of a small but consistently loving group of women who "get it" A process that will help us find our way through the necessary stages of grieving and eventually enable us to integrate this experience into our greater life story Serving as a guide to new, heartbroken women is a privilege, and often my day is brightened by glimpses of hope these brave women share as they endeavor to heal and grow from this experience. Just yesterday one beautiful glimpse showed up in my inbox that I want to share with you. It read: Hi Marsha, I was in a support group with you last year. You told me that you wanted me to send you an email when I was finally able to forgive. Well, forgiveness came today. It was healing for both us. I felt a release and I felt tension leave my body the moment I said "I forgive you." I am now in my seventh month of recovery and have come a long way. I love such emails because it's real-life proof that God can heal our broken hearts. That's why we continue to do what we do here at A Woman's Healing Journey. Thank you for praying for us and the women and marriages we seek to serve. We need them every day. Your sister on this journey, Marsha Means What do You and the Sex Addict You Love Have in Common? Adapted by Marsha Means, M.A. Okay, so what do you think you and the sex addict you love have in commonbesides the home, bills, kids, and the life you share? Any ideas? No? Then we'll tell you because the answer is extremely important to both you and him. In fact, you could say it is nothing less than the Secret Ingredient for Healing and for Life. The Secret Ingredient for Healing & for Life Here it is in six little words: You are both powered by joy. And just as a battery-powered toy will not run with a dead battery, neither can a human being heal or live a reasonably happy life without joy. In fact, being human and wanting joy are inseparable. Our Creator made us with brains that want to operate with joy in charge. And new scientific research backs this truth up. We now know that each of us have a "joy center" in the right orbital prefrontal cortex of our brains, right behind our right eye ball. But the really good news is that joy is a renewable resource: When you're running low, there is a healthy, wholesome way to obtain more of this elixir of life. Mom on Strike! Putting boundaries to the test by Coach Christy I am the mom of two boys, a teenager and a "tween." Recently, I became quite frustrated with the arguments and lack of responsibility they'd been showing. They were fighting nearly constantly with each other over everything. If one said the sky was blue, the other would inevitably say it was purple. They were also fighting increasingly about "whose turn" it was to help with the dishes or take the dog out--especially if he hadn't gone "number two" for a while. After having to clean up several days worth of doggie do because the boys had just left it on the ground right outside the patio door, then coming into the house to see several days worth of dishes piled on every flat surface in the kitchen that I'd asked multiple times that they take care of to no avail, I'd finally had enough. I went on strike. My terms were that I would not do anything at all for them except things that had to do with their health and safety. This meant I would not cook for them, do laundry for them, give them permission for anything including video games, TV, hanging out with friends, etc. If they got a cut, I'd clean and dress it. If they got sick, I'd take them to the doctor and see that they got the medicine they needed to make them better. That was it. Wed, 23 Feb 2011 19:13:20 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/1MwE7/h/AWHJ_January_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey January 2011 Newsletter Dear Friends, As the new year unfolds, we are excited to be able to share with you powerful new ideas that are helping sexual addicts find freedom from their addictions. Over the last few years I have had the opportunity to watch the amazing transformation of one addict's life as he has applied the latest in neuroscience with the strength and joy found in a loving community. The results are nothing less than miraculous! We've come to believe that this prescription can help transform any addict's life if he wants it badly enough. Many people have helped make it possible for this man, Mike, to transform decades of addiction and brokenness, but the Life Model is at the heart of it all. It provided the road map he could follow as he struggled to learn to return to joy without his addictions. This month Mike gives you a glimpse into his soul with his poem, The Porcupine, and in the accompanying article. As God enables Mike to strengthen his recovery muscles in the months ahead, he will be sharing more about his journey to freedom. We will also be telling you more about the Life Model and how it can help free the addict you love, and ease your pain as well. In the meantime, it is our prayer that this year brings you and your family new hope and increased joy as you seek your own path to healing. Your sister on this journey, Marsha Means Why the Sex Addict's Struggle Has Nothing to Do with You by Mike The sex addict--or any addict for that matter--has the same human needs as everyone else: the need to belong; the need to be loved; and the need to feel joy. These needs form the drives that fuel our addiction. And though I know it's hard for a wife to understand, your husband's addictive behaviors have nothing to do with his love for you. His addiction is independent of the people in his life. Whether single or married, it is there, running in the background most of the time. Sadly, the ordinary pressures of life can trigger his need to escape pain and return to some kind of normalcy and joy. Because we addicts have not learned healthy ways to return to joy, we use our drug of choice, whether it is alcohol, heroin, religiosity--or sex. The addict doesn't use sex simply because sex feels good. We use it because the chemicals it releases in the brain help relieve our emotional pain. Getting that relief motivates our continued use of something so obviously destructive to us, to our families, and often to everyone in our lives. Sadly, the brief euphoria sex delivers not only relieves emotional pain, it adds an additional incentive to keep using: the euphoria itself. The root of most sex addicts' struggle probably looks much like my own: trauma, generally in childhood, interfered with the formation of healthy attachment bonds with parents, and/or he endured painful outright abuse. The net result is a dismal absence of emotional maturity and the inability to handle and resolve painful feelings and events in healthy ways. The attachment wounds left by the absence of healthy attachment to key parental figures leaves many of us self-focused and unable to see or feel what our addictive behavior is doing to those closest to us, including our wives. And worse, at a certain point along the addictive spectrum, we no longer even care. But we didn't develop a lack of empathy because we are bad; we lack empathy because empathy takes us outside ourselves, and to an addict that means denying himself what he needs. Next Group Sessions: A Partner's Healing Journey This group and the workbook provide a place to process your pain and the many other emotions you are dealing with; helps you learn what detachment is and how to use it when necessary; and provides helpful information on several other topics partners need help with, including, among others, boundaries, forgiveness, and starting again, whether you are alone or with your husband. Beginning Thursday, February 3, 2011 - led by Marsha Means, MA - group limited to 4 participants - sessions begin at 6:00 pm Eastern, 5:00 pm Central, 4:00 pm Mountain, and 3:00 pm Pacific and residents of Arizona Boundaries Join us for a 14-week telephone support group based on the Boundaries materials created by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. We will apply the principles of these materials to setting healthy physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries as they pertain directly to wives of sex addicts. Beginning Tuesday, February 8, 2011 - led by Marsha Means, MA - group limited to 4 participants - sessions begin at 7:00 pm Eastern, 6:00 pm Central, 5:00 pm Mountain, and 4:00 pm Pacific and residents of Arizona The Porcupine by Mike How does a porcupine feel without his needles? How could a porcupine feel without his needles? As of today I think I know... He can run further and jump higher He's no longer wrapped in barbed wire His friends can come close without getting stuck he can walk through doors not having to duck He'll feel at first his defenses gone then he'll adjust and learn to stay calm He'll start to feel joy day after day losing his needles a small price to pay He's strong as ever with no need to hide the needles he lost were on his inside No longer alone trying to flee He's finally at peace completely free Thu, 20 Jan 2011 10:41:19 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/1NdUF/h/AWHJ_Merry_Christmas_The.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey December 2010 Newsletter Dear Friends, On this, our sixth Christmas as an online healing resource, we want to wish you a peace-filled Christmas season. For those whose lives have been touched by trauma and addiction, we draw on this season every day of the year. So in honor of the One whose birthday we celebrate, we have a gift of Immanuel hope to share with you: our new God With You link, with links for you and for your partner: God with You Most of us have been told that God is with us at all times, but few of us actually sense his presence very often. This link will help you begin to heighten your awareness that Jesus is with you, moment by moment, every day of your life. He's here to share in the good times and bad. Through music and slide shows; through shared stories and helpful information, we invite youand your husbandto "tune-in" to His presence and begin to feel loved, comforted, and strengthened. Our desire is that you, like us, will find his Presence eases your heartache, and loosens addiction's deadly hold. Imagine: So we would never, ever be alone, so that no matter what we go through, the Spirit of Jesus himself is with us if we choose to share our life with him. It's beyond imagining, but one author has come close to helping us grasp this truth in his book, The Shack. Two of our favorite quotes reveal the reality that Jesus' spirit is with each of us: We created you, the human, to be in face-to-face relationship with us [the Trinity], to join our circle of love. P. 124 "The friendship is real, not merely imagined. We're meant to experience this life, your life, together, in a dialogue, sharing the journey. You get to share in our wisdom and learn to love with our love..." p. 175 We invite you to explore this link, and to come back often to explore new posts of beautiful music with video, and new stories and resources placed here by Ministry Team member, Allison (allison@awomanshealingjourney.com.) May God bless you and those you love, Marsha, Christy, Jodi, & Allison Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:27:40 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/uXTN/h/AWHJ_November_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey November 2010 Newsletter Dear Friends, As we celebrate another Thanksgiving season and enter the holidays ahead, we at A Woman's Healing Journey have much to be thankful for. God is snow-balling our efforts these last six+ years and new women are deciding to join us in ministering to others weekly. Nothing thrills me more! Twice this week alone my tears of joy have flowed as I heard from two of you whose lives I've poured into that you are saying "Yes!" to God's call to help new women heal from this pain. Thank you for from the bottom of my heart...and our Father's heart! We desperately need you so if and when you get that divine tap on your shoulder, please let us know! Though you won't get rich monetarily doing it, this is a wonderfully rewarding job that catapults your own healing. As I tell women, in worldly terms, I am poor, but in reality, I am the Richest Woman in the World! Christy and I are taking a couple of months off from writing Healing Rain, the daily devotional and prayer journal for partners. I need this time to work on an update to the Partner's Healing Journey workbook (PHJ), and to write training material for those who want to help us respond to the hurting women who fill out an Assessment Form on our site. The training material will enable new Ministry Team members to give these women a free hour of phone time so they can share their story and be given several pieces of free help. The training will also equip new Team Members to facilitate PHJ Support groups when new women want to join one. Next month we unveil a wonderful new link on our site, our Christmas present to you. We are so excited to finally be able to share this beautiful link with you so be watching your email close to Christmas. The link will be announced and released in our Christmas newsletter. We know you will love it and we want to share this "sneak preview" with you. You will love this too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE=aso And in January, more news is coming! Thank you for being a part of this ministry, which is out to change our world for our children and grandchildren, even if our own marriages don't survive the damage this addiction brings. Through your involvement and your donations you help make change possible. May God shower Thanksgiving blessings on you and yours this Thanksgiving Season. Your sister on this journey, Marsha Means To Snoop or Not to Snoop on Spouses or your children if they are the ones you check up on? Ah, such difficult questions. And they are only the beginning; I could fill pages with dozens more. But you get the picture: though there are hundreds of questions, there are no easy answers in our changing world. Even treatment professionals who specialize in sexual addiction hold varying opinions about snooping--friends and acquaintances of mine among them. I could fill an entire book simply quoting their differing opinions. But that's not what I want to share. Memory Refreshed by Ella Hutchinson I thought I remembered what it felt like. I don't think about it most days anymore, or even most weeks. But when I try, I thought I could feel it like it was yesterday. Just last week I was sharing with the ladies in one of the support groups I lead how I've become somewhat desensitized to hearing about times my husband, a recovering sex addict, experiences a temptation. In an effort to give them hope, I was trying to assure them it gets easier. And it does. But last night, briefly, it all came flooding back. We were driving home from a lovely dinner out after a long day of work. We have been getting along superbly lately and he has been doing so well in his recovery that he's started coaching other men with sexual addictions and even helping me occasionally with couples I counsel. I looked in the backseat, where our little girl was sleeping peacefully, and a good feeling came over me. I was so blessed. Things were going well for my little family. Then, my wonderful husband decided to take this opportunity to unload his conscience in a way only an addict can do. Deceptively. Deceitfully. In a way that makes me feel like if I get upset, I am overreacting. Tue, 30 Nov 2010 15:53:14 -0500http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/27Exx/h/AWHJ_October_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey October 2010 Newsletter Dear Friends, As we continue to do what God has called us to do to provide hope and help to hurting partners, to their husbands, and for their marriages, we continue to be deeply saddened and troubled by the impact this problem has on so many. And the numbers seeking our help continue to increase. Clearly, a momentum is building and God is moving toward an expanded vision. Please pray for and with us as we strive to follow his leading while making choices and decisions about what that vision should include and how it should look. Because we have an online presence, we continue to hear from people around the globe. Occasionally, they are missionaries serving in countries with fewer resources, or none at all. Just this morning I did an extended phone call with a missionary in Lima, Peru. This is a marriage filled with deep love, strong faith, and deep commitment to their callings. However, like nearly every addict on the planet, this Peruvian national has a sadly traumatic and deeply wounded childhood history. That is why I'm sharing the need with you. They desperately need additional resources to heal. As I told this woman about several powerful options that could help them, it gave her hope. She also expressed a strong desire to participate in a Partner's Healing Journey telephone support group with me. However, she needs a scholarship to do so. If any of you would like to make her participation possible, I know your gift would have enormous value in her healing. And if anyone wants to contribute to their healing as a couple, I would love to see them do a couple's intensive with Dr. Milton Magness in Houston if the details can be worked out. If you are a recovering sex addict, this could be a wonderful part of your amends-making in your own healing journey, if you feel so led. Please pray for them. Thank you for your continued prayers. We count on them! Your sister on this journey, Marsha Interview with Dr. Milton Magness While in Boston recently for the SASH conference Dr. Magness did an interview that is now on YouTube. We encourage you to watch this wonderful video. Watch the video on YouTube The Gift of the Polygraph by Kevin C. My first polygraph was life changing. My second was routine. There had been a disclosure...another trauma, another set of lies acting like a fault line upon which the intervening good memories were shaken into rubble, another violation of trust, another time when our marriage hung in the balance. My wife declared that she was getting a divorce, and had been completely serious, taking the step of having my sister inform my aged parents. She had ejected me from the bedroom, and made her plans. I looked for something I could do, determined to make it right this time, to do more than I had yet done, though finding little hope. I'd gone back to SA, called a counselor, confessed, and read recovery materials. An unexpected spiritual experience offered a chance, not a guarantee, that if I did it right this time, the whole 30 years could be worthwhile. A batch of books came in the mail, including Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, in the which my wife found the trauma model, which spoke to her experience, and some references to the use of a polygraph. After reading those passages, and showing them to me, she commented that the only way that she would even consider staying would be if I would consent to a polygraph. After first trying to find someone local, while we were waiting for a response, one evening she showed me the website for Hope and Freedom. We realized this was the same therapist referred to in Your Sexually Addicted Spouse. Determined to try anything to save my marriage, or failing that, to obtain the recovery I sought for myself, I immediately slipped into the chair and filled out the online application. Then, she did so as well, softened somehow for just long enough to fill out her own application. After a few days a phone screening came, and we passed. There happened to be a serendipitous time slot we could make. And I had six weeks to write a complete sexual disclosure before taking the polygraph. Boundaries Support Group for Partners Sessions start November 17 This 14-week support group will help you understanding and know how to use healthy boundaries. This provides partners of sex addicts a valuable skill in knowing how to care for themselves while living with a sex addict, whether he is in recovery or still acting out. Renovation Anonymous Sister on the Journey It feels like the flesh has been ripped off my body. Now the jagged knife is in my belly. Dismembered. About to be gutted. No point being brave now. Truth is, I couldn't if I wanted to. What's the point, anyway? Isn't it just as valiant to be honest and real about the pain? After all, who wouldn't scream and cry with a bleeding, gaping hole where the heart used to be? I feel a cold wind blow through and wonder if it will carry me away. Away. Now that sounds like a good place... Exclusive Offer! Just for our newsletter subscribers Did you miss the first month of Healing Rain? Now you can download it for half off! Just enter coupon code HRDDM1 at checkout. Hurry! Coupon expires November 10th, 2010. Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:57:18 -0400http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/Rt1u/h/AWHJ_September_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey September 2010 Newsletter Healing Rain Month 2 Now avilable for only $3! Get a daily infusion of ongoing comfort on your healing journey with Healing Rain Month 2 for only $3! We at A Woman's Healing Journey continue to feel honored to meet you in perhaps the most painful stretch of your life on earth, and to walk with you on a leg of your journey toward healing. We continue to develop new resources to help you, as well as to add Ministry Team members to provide help and support where you or your husband most need it. Counselor Doug Michaels, who joined our team recently to work with husbands and to help couples heal their marriages, is already making a great impact on those who've chosen to work with him. He's helping challenge men to do the hard work required to gain freedom and helping us empower wives to recognize they're worthy of a marriage that includes sobriety. This month we welcome back Coach Christy after a time of sabbatical. If you haven't yet tried the Healing Rain daily devotional she and I are teaming to write, we invite you to download this month's entries. With its short nuggets that speak directly to this journey, it's like a daily-dose-of-strength where you most need it. We also want to give you a peek at new things we're working on to help you continue to move forward in your healing and personal growth: Next month a new coach and a beautiful new link that includes music for your journey Our entire Ministry Team is now being trained in a powerful resource to help you heal, which we can't wait to share with you when we're ready This week I test-launch a new kind of support group for partners and the curriculum that goes with it. Our goal is to have these groups broadly available in 2011 Please pray for us as we work to meet the ever-growing need as sexual addiction gobbles up lives and marriages, in the US and around the world. We're all aware of our human limitations as we listen to story after story filled with pain and devastation. We need God's continued replenishing. Your sister on this journey, Marsha Means, MA Shipwrecked! by Doug Michaels Betrayal is like a shipwreck. Someone is responsible, someone did not keep their eyes on the course, and now someone has to live with the fear, damage, and sadness of their boat crashed on rocks and their dreams shattered. Imagine you shipwrecked somewhere on a deserted island. Your beautiful boat is on the rocks and you are left with whatever can be salvaged to survive. As time goes by, you begin to scavenge on the island, but only after the shock of shipwreck eases and you pull the fortitude from within yourself make some sort of life on this deserted island. How can I ever feel like enough? By Coach Ella When your husband is working the steps and succeeding in his recovery from sex addiction, you may still be left reeling from a significant blow to your self-esteem. The painful knowledge of your husband's acting out behavior can have you comparing yourself to women in magazines and on billboards. How can you ever feel like enough? Exclusive Offer! Just for our newsletter subscribers Did you miss the first month of Healing Rain? Now you can download it for half off! Just enter coupon code HRDDM1 at checkout. Hurry! Coupon expires October 4th, 2010. Tue, 21 Sep 2010 16:58:34 -0400http://archive.aweber.com/awhj-monthly/g4eW/h/AWHJ_August_Newsletter.htm Having trouble viewing this email? View it online. A Woman's Healing Journey August 2010 Newsletter Announcing Healing Rain: A Daily Devotional Healing Rain provides a counter-balance to that slide. It can help insure we don't lose the ground we've gained and give us a daily spiritual lift at the same time." It was Christy who chose the title Healing Rain. When asked where the name originated she cited a song that inspired her desire to use that name. But it is this quote from the book, The Shack, that confirmed it: "Oh child," spoke Papa tenderly. "Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak." You can receive your daily Healing Rain devotion for just ten cents a day beginning August 24th. That's only $3.00 a month for a daily encouragement and a journaling question written specifically to bring hope and continued growth to partners of sexual addicts. We are excited to share this new way to continue your healing journey with you! Your sister on this journey, Marsha Means, MA A Shattered China Cup by Coach Jodi When I found the second receipt for porn I knew that my husband could lie to me about it after I had extended love and grace to him for seven months, and I wanted to demonstrate to him how my heart felt. So I took an almost empty glass bottle, walked out to the patio in our backyard and smashed it on the concrete. It was an object lesson of sorts; a way to communicate how my heart felt. Seven Pieces of the Relapse Puzzle Learn about the seven areas of addiction relapse and how you and the sexual addict in your life can recognize them and take steps to prevent backsliding into addiction. Sobriety is not recovery. Recovery involves transformation of one's entire life in these seven critical areas. Doug Michaels shows you how to notice early relapses and see them as precursors of more severe relapses and eventual addiction and to take necessary precautions to stay relationally safe when in a committed intimate relationship. Intervening early in the seven relapse areas can prevent growth of an existing addiction, or provide a way out. Group Coaching A Partner's Healing Journey This 10-week telephone support group for wives of sex addicts meets weekly for an hour and a half on a conference call line. Join your facilitator and three or four other women each week as you work through and process Marsha Means' workbook, Partner's Healing Journey. This group and the workbook provide a place to process your pain and the many other emotions you are dealing with; helps you learn what detachment is and how to use it when necessary; and provides helpful information on several other topics partners need help with, including, among others, boundaries, forgiveness, and starting again, whether you are alone or with your husband. Tue, 24 Aug 2010 16:30:14 -0400