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This was not the letter I hoped to write to you today. I had another message all set to go about today's
Winter Solstice. But you know what they say about the best laid plans ...
I know many of you are confused, hurt, and angry after watching recirculating videos
of Pattabhi Jois giving women intimate adjustments. I feel you. I'm going through it too. And though I don't know that I'm the best person to address, staying silent is no longer an option.
So first, let me start by saying this clearly and unequivocally:
There is only person who gets to say if
a yoga adjustment is appropriate or inappropriate - and that is the person receiving. We, as students, have the only say that counts when it comes to our own bodies.
Not the teacher. And certainly not some angry dude on social media. (Yes, there's this guy out there 'outing' Ashtangis by reposting student pics of teachers - so basically, shaming the students
while trying to make a name for himself).
Unfortunately, he's not the only one trying to capitalize on a movement he doesn't have the first clue about. Anyway ...
That said, I personally would not have been comfortable being on the receiving end of a few of the adjustments I saw in the videos
with Guruji. Unfortunately, I also can't say that my 20-something year-old self would've been confident enough back then to speak up either.
You see, many of us have been raised to please. We have been taught to be polite, respect those in authority, and keep the peace. Even at the expense of our own feelings. And this is part of the problem.
Which is why as a parent, I did my best to change this harmful message by teaching both my son and my daughter, these three things:
#1: Your are safe to feel whatever you feel. No justifications necessary.
#2: Authority does not give anyone power over you. Ever.
#3: Speak and I will listen. Your voice deserves to be heard.
Shouldn't this be the same message we all carry into the yoga room? As teachers, students, and compassionate members of the yoga community (not just Ashtanga) - this is a conversation we need to have and encourage. It's not about parampara. Frankly, I'm a little tired of that word being
thrown around. And it's not about Pattabhi Jois either.
It's about us. What are WE doing - right now - to ensure a safe space for everyone to practice and learn? How can we be better? These are just a few ideas:
Teachers, ask your students how you can help before you put your hands on
them. Don't assume it's ok. Invite their feedback and give them permission and room to say, no. Saying 'no' should be No. Big. Deal. Build unconditional positive regard and acceptance into the culture of your practice room and community - then saying 'no' will actually BE No. Big. Deal. Even the woman doing my mammogram last month asked it was ok if she helped me move my breast. If she could ask - so can you.
Students, your practice is your practice. Your body is your body. And the only person who gets to decide whether an adjustment is appropriate is you. Further, if you don't feel safe, supported, or even seen - find a teacher and a room where you do. You don't have to explain why you're not comfortable if you're not comfortable. You don't ever have to justify your feelings. There doesn't have to be any
wrongdoing on anyone's part for you to feel the way you do. And you don't even need anyone's permission to speak up - least of all, mine. But there you go. You have it anyway.
We are all human. There's a great big elephant in the room but most of us can only see the part that's right in front of us. Just know that even in our very best efforts, there will always parts we just don't
see. Still, there are no saints or demons among us. Teachers do not belong on pedestals - so can we please stop putting them there? The Ashtanga yoga method is not any more evil than it is a a cure-all. Most of us are doing the best we can. Make space for compassion. None of us have all the answers.
If there's one thing growing up Catholic has taught me it's this:
Separate God from Man's fallibility. And as my mom, who still remains quite active in the Church, is quick to remind me: Change must come from the inside.
Thank you for reading. And for caring. Much love to you and yours.
