[Relationships] The 4 Hidden Relationship Mistakes

[Relationships] The 4 Hidden Relationship Mistakes - #3 The Mom

Published: Wed, 09/18/19

Photo of Tanya, Coach for Alpha Women Entrepreneurs

Your Mother is NOT the Best Role Model for Relationships...

How have you fared on The Visa and The Math? If you are feeling proud because those weren’t your relationship Achilles heels, don’t worry. I’ve got your number! Learn The 4 Hidden Relationship Mistakes.

Introducing…

The Mom Mistake

Catch Up Here: #1 Do The Math, #2 Be Like Visa

Don't Be "The Mom" In Adult Relationships

Moms Count Intentions, The World Counts Results

Someone fails, trips, screws up.

Their Mom: “Honey, as long as you tried your best, that’s all I ask."

Reality, The World and People Who Pay You: “I don’t want your effort, I need your completion.”

Welcome to the truth, that their best may NOT be good enough.

Stop being The Mom in relationships (romantic, business or friendships). Your mate and you should have some agreements, spoken or unspoken, that have to be kept. These are things intentions are NOT good enough for. Sharing with child discipline, bringing home all of your pay, putting the family’s needs ahead of toys, staying faithful, no violent fighting… Whatever your deals are, intentions won’t work for these deal breakers.

Counting intentions where you need results, sets the relationship up for failure or co-dependency.

Counting Intentions Where You Need Results

in Relationships, sets you up for Failure or

Co-Dependency

Many moms have taught us incorrectly that our effort or intention to do the right thing, counts as much as succeeding. This has led to an entitlement culture where many people want to be recognized the same way for WANTING to do right, as actually DOING the right thing.

Check your relationships. I will not ask you IF you are Momming. I will ask you WHERE are you making The Mom Mistake?

Do you count intentions like actions in your romantic arena: he loves me, he just doesn’t know how to show it. I can wait a bit more…

Or more in business: they value me and I’ll be set as soon as X happens…

Or with your friends: she’s just having a tough time right now, otherwise, she’d totally be supporting me. I’m okay, I get it…

Or all 3?

Never Lie to Yourself to Avoid How the Truth Feels

People will tend to show up in the exact proportion they are required to do so. If you are always giving everyone a pass on actions, don’t be upset when you are always waiting for real results.

The Mom is about wanting to give comfort to a person who isn’t doing what they need to/agreed to in a relationship. Look at that for a moment. Do you want to be in the habit of rewarding someone failing you with “that’s okay” comfort? No, I’m not the grinch. Comforting IS a part of love. But when the comfort always comes from the hurting person to help the person who hurt them – you should question it.

We can get caught in this pattern so easily because as women we are taught that this is what we are SUPPOSED TO DO. We were shown this pattern by our mothers. Our sisters. Our friends. And they did it for the same reason you do, to avoid how the truth of loved ones disappointing us feels.

Extreme example: There are a lot of criminals in the world. Serial killers, robbers, rapists and all manner of those who just harm folks. There are a lot of women in their world. They have sisters, daughters, mothers, wives and girlfriends. And you know what? I bet they are making excuses for them. I bet they feel the criminals are “doing their best” to love, show empathy and and turn things around. They are avoiding what they will have to do, if they face the truth about their criminals.

Where are you counting intentions to avoid the hard choices you’ll have to make, IF you tell the truth about someone stealing your love without fair return?

I know it’s hard. I KNOW it’s hard. But the Universe will never fully release the love, the gifts, the grace and the purpose that you seek, until you show you know your value. One way you do that is by REFUSING to enable those who disrespect you.

“The Mom” Doesn’t Belong in Adult Relationships because Consistent Failed Intentions is a Problem. Comforting those Failures = Enabling.

Never Lie to Yourself to Avoid How the Truth Feels Alpha. Need help? Ask.

In Joy,

P.S. For all the Moms reading this, be mindful if you are teaching your children anything that will need to be “undone” in the future for them to be healthy, happy and productive.

I’ve taught this before, the positions in the world that pay the most are those that hold the most responsibility and therefore deliver results and not intentions. Why do we mostly all hate politicians? Because they promise and then don’t deliver. They run for office on their INTENTIONS.

Spend this next week looking around you for intentions vs. results. How is your world going? I’ve never found my world working well whenever intentions outnumbered choices, actions or results.

Tanya Stewart is "The Alpha Woman Coach" and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with.

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success.

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources