Dethrone Dessert

by Katja Rowell, M.D.

When I do my workshops, I usually approach the "dessert portion" with a bit of trepidation. I look out at the parents and brace myself. "So, kids do best when you serve dessert with the meal." Then I pause, watch for the raised eyebrows and the hands start to shoot up.

Most parents seem to struggle most with this part of the feeding model, and why not?  It goes against every cherished rule for dessert, and for many parents it also gives up the ultimate bargaining chip that reliably gets a few bites of veggies into their kid. (After forty minutes of negotiating, and not really helping the child learn to like those veggies...) Problem is, the way we handle desserts often makes matters worse.

Here is how it looks:

Serve one, child-sized portion of dessert along with the meal. (ice-cream, fruit, apple-sauce, popsicle, pudding, cookies...)

Your child decides when she eats it. She doesn't have to eat anything else.

(This assumes you are doing your jobs with feeding which is providing snacks and meals roughly every 3-4 hours that are balanced, satisfying, free from pressure and pleasant.)

Why does it work?

Because having dessert with the meal makes all food equal and delicious. Bribing or rewarding with dessert to get the child to eat certain types or amounts of food teaches the opposite lesson.  It teaches that "growing foods" aka the vegetables and protein, are less desirable and have to be "suffered through" before the child earns the only really good food-the dessert.

Why only one portion?

Because sweets will take the place of other foods.

With that in mind, one family struggled with fruits. Their daughter loved fruit so much, and ate so few vegetables that they gave her fruit every night with dinner. She filled up on fruit and ate little else. Dinners were a struggle, lots of fighting and negotiating. Problem was she was not being challenged or expected to be able to learn to like any of the other foods served. I suggested that they treat the fruit like dessert and serve a small bowl with the meal, present all the food in a neutral way, enjoy the meal, stop focusing on who was eating what and see how it goes. I got an email that after three days of sticking with this plan, their daughter was starting to try new foods and the battles were almost gone. "Lilly began eating fruit, then vegetables and meat before eating more fruit-something she had never done."

Will your child eat dessert first for awhile?

Probably.

Will she ask for more?

Most likely, but you can say, "That's your portion of dessert, if you're still hungry, there's bread, cucumber salad and chicken..."

Will she eat more of a variety of foods and enjoy better nutrition and more peaceful meals with this strategy?

Probably.

Give it a try! It is magic to watch your child lick a popsicle, then eat a bite of broccoli, then lick the popsicle and turn to the chicken...

*This is part of the feeding model known as the Trust Model of feeding, with the Division of Responsibility at it's core (Satter) Only changing when dessert is served, but continuing to pressure and bribe in other ways is less likely to help. It works best when approached as a holistic feeding model.

Katja Rowell MD is a family doctor and childhood feeding specialist. She works directly with families to help bring peace and joy back to the family table. Establishing a healthy feeding relationship is preventive medicine at it's best! Dr. Rowell also leads workshops nationally for parents and health care professionals on topics from picky eating to weight concerns. Follow her blog for feeding tips, recipes and the latest science. www.familyfeedingdynamics.blogspot.com/