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"Just as a burning fire inherently exudes heat, the unconscious
inherently generates symbols. It is simply the nature of the the
unconscious to do so.

As we learn to read those symbols we gain the ability to perceive
the workings of the unconscious within us.

This ability to produce symbols affects more than just our dreams:
All of human life is a nourished by the flow of symbolic imagery
from the wellsprings of our unconscious." -Robert A. Johnson

These days, life feels rich - just for the experiencing of it. I
feel the urge just to be in the midst of life as a creative
process. Everything speaks to me and is a part of me as I accept
more and more of myself.

As I make my unconscious - more conscious - I feel less of a need
to work so hard and strive so much to grow. I accept what my life
needs to show me. What I need to know right now for my growth is
always available. Life longs to show us what we need to know. You
just need to look around you and and inside of you to feel into
what your life is showing you. Another way to get a "read" on what
is unfolding from inside of you is to put together a quick
spontaneous collage.

I have been very inspired by Lindsay Whiting's exquisite book
called Living Into Art. One of the collage artists in the book
says, "There are things within us that are so unsaid, so
unarticulated, but they are there." I believe she is talking about
the endless wealth of our unconscious minds - and all of the
secrets and gifts that hide there.

The unconscious contents of our minds comprise everything that we
do not accept about ourselves. I will share my latest collage in
the spirit of showing you how the unconscious operates in my own
life. At first this collage communicated more than I could find
words for at first. This collage haunted me as a dream does but the
key to "reading" a spontaneous collage the same as "reading" a
dream. The key is to see every image as yourself.

The young girl peeking through the clouds feels wanting and
wondering to me. I feel an aching  when I look at this collage as
though a younger part of me does not know how to find the
sustenance of love does not trust it will come.

We all have so many parts that comprise our inner being. Much of
what I would call my spiritual/creative practice right now is about
meeting with these disowned inner parts of self as they arise and
to look at them with courage and acceptance. In between these
arisings I seem to be rewarded by a deeper presence and fuller
embracing of life as it is.

I think this collage speaks to the need within me of wanting to be
loved - from the outside. In truth we are love on the inside - but
younger parts of our psyche cannot see this. This girl in the
collage is the part of me that is afraid to being authentic with
the people in my life for fear of rejection and loss of love. This
is the part of my mind that says yes to people when I really know I
need to say no.

Expressive artist Barbara Ganim says it so beautifully, "What
really causes stress is a conflict between our thoughts and
feelings. The conflict occurs when the body sends a clear feeling
signal imploring us to say NO to something, while at the same time
our thoughts send verbal guilt messages pushing us to say yes."

It is good to see this part of myself that fears being rejected -
that fears the loss of love. It is good to see how it runs
"underneath" my polished presentation in the world. In my owned
everyday presentation, I am highly organized, competent and
independent. This disowned, more unconscious imagery represents the
part of myself that becomes struck with fear in my chest when I am
honest with people. Sometimes the need to be loved and approved of
has me compromising my values around authentic, and honest
communication. When I speak my truth I often notice myself fearing
that people cannot handle it and might walk away.

I need to learn how to endure this pain I avoid within that tastes
of "loss of love". Most hidden parts of self carry with them an
accompanying pain that has its own tone and flavor. By recognizing
the "pain pattern" in the body we can grow into observing the inner
pain from a solid, objective, witnessing place. When I look at this
collage of mine I see a disowned deep hidden neediness and a fear
that I will not be loved for who I am. Expressing who I am feels
like a risk when I am identified with this part of myself.

To own this unconscious part of myself, I am trying to slow down
and share myself more honestly with those near and dear to me. I am
speaking my truth and saying no even if it means the loss of the
relationship. As I embrace my own disowned loneliness, my own
neediness, my own fear of rejection, I feel more willing to take
risks and tell those I care about how I really feel. I have found
that by not sharing myself honestly with others - I am rejecting
myself.

Conditioned existence means living a life controlled by our
psychological patterning. This means reacting in the same ways over
and over to life without self-examination. We all have many
unconscious needs, drives and compulsions which bear a deeper
looking at. We do not know how to break self-defeating habits. We
are unconscious. The Buddhists call it the Wheel of Suffering - the
suffering we perpetuate by doing the same thing over and over.

The aim of the expressive art that I do is to help me find freedom
from the inner mental compulsions that have ruled my life and have
gone against my wiser knowing especially in the areas of speaking
up for myself. When I make my unconscious conscious, my psychology
does not rule and occupy me so much. What I notice as I release
many of the patterns that have unconsciously ruled my life is a
profound noticing of others.

When I feel less laden with my own unconscious pulls and drives, I
forget myself more often and start to wonder how others are
experiencing their life. My world feels larger. I see and feel what
is outside of my own individual emotional field and my
understanding feels wider. I care more. I want to give to life and
am no longer fighting my (as a dear friend calls them) my "inner
demons" so much.

"Self-acceptance is equivalent to personal power. Self-acceptance
means we are unified: all our energy is centered and flows outward.
Non-self-acceptance creates an inner rupture and inner warfare. In
non-self-acceptance we use our energy to hide from our self. As a
result we have less energy for directly coping with the world.
Self-acceptance makes us fully functional."  -John Bradshaw

Love to you

Shelley


Featured Book
Living into Art
Journeys into Collage

By Lindsay Whiting

  If you want to explore the highest possibilities with your
magazine collage, I recommend this book.

Lindsay Whiting writes about her experiences in the Sonama Collage
Studio in California which is run by Barbara Jacobson and Audrey
von Hawley.

Whiting writes, "The collage experience can be a very personal
journey. Students come to class unsure of the process, unaware of
working with collage as a way toward personal growth and a
spiritually engaged life - most assume they will follow the more
typical format of technique and critique. Yet the result is that
many of us come to a deeper relationship with the process and
ourselves.

Playing in the fields of the unconscious and unconscious mind puts
a spotlight on the treasures we get to consider: feelings and
events that have passed and are long buried, or perhaps a new
cognition that has been gestating, waiting to be discovered.

Doing any work to mine ore from the unconscious serves to exercise
our intuition. Almost anything that is a projection is true for
that moment.

Like Rorschach, which can be examined and construed, almost
anything can be read and interpreted. It's up to us to understand
our own personal symbols and to learn how to work with them.