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April, 2013
- from Larry Barkan: A Conflict Resolution Formula Sent Tuesday, April 9, 2013 # Of Words: 490 Reading Time: 3 Minutes George Mitchell is the former Senator from Maine, special envoy to the Middle East for the Obama administration, former Senate majority leader and one time chairman of Disney. Senator Mitchell chaired the negotiations that led to the peace agreement in Northern Ireland in 1998. Appearing on the Charlie Rose show on PBS, Senator Mitchell revealed how he was able to broker the Northern Ireland agreement. He noted that he got the parties to […]
March, 2013
- from Larry Barkan: Strategies For A Thriving Business and A Thriving Marriage Sent Tuesday, March 19, 2013 # Of Words: 430 Reading Time: 3 Minutes In the February 18th, 2013 New York Times, Jane Brody writes about research into what it takes to ensure a long, loving marriage. What struck me is how applicable this research is to having a long term, productive and happy business. Brody cites research by Richard Lucas at Michigan State University who notes that, the happiness boost that occurs with marriage lasts only about two years, after which people revert to their former levels […]
February, 2013
- from Larry Barkan: Pay Attention To Complaints: They Lead To Relationship Breakthroughs Sent Tuesday, February 26, 2013 # Of Words: 557 Reading Time: 3 Minutes Recently, I wrote about a surprising encounter I had with a man in a restaurant who I first assumed was crazy and then, after listening to him, discovered he wasn't crazy at all. In response, I heard from a psychiatrist who is on my distribution list. Before you think that he was writing to tell me that I was the crazy one (perhaps he secretly was), this psychiatrist is my uncle and my story had reminded him of something he experienced […]
- from Larry Barkan: Do you want to know a secret? Listen Sent Tuesday, February 19, 2013 # Of Words: 735 Reading Time: 3 Minutes Thanks to the Beatles for giving me the title. Indeed, listening is the secret. Whenever I mediate a conflict or whenever I teach people how to handle conflict, I'm amazed at how easily conflicts could be resolved if people just listened to one another. Instead, we think other people are "crazy" to believe, think, and feel as they do. I assure you: To the people with whom we are in conflict, we are the "crazy" ones. I was thinking about […]
- from Larry Barkan: Want To Improve Your Relationships? Don't Take It Personally Sent Tuesday, February 12, 2013 # Of Words: 676 Reading Time: 4 Minutes You may have heard the advice, Don't take it personally when you have been told something about yourself that was hurtful or that surprised you or that you disagreed with. It's hard not to take it personally. Of course, it's personal, you might think. Wasn't the person speaking personally to me? Actually, no. In reality, the advice not to take it personally is exactly right because it isn't personal. It's never personal because the […]
December, 2012
- from Larry Barkan: Perspective Sent Tuesday, December 18, 2012 # Of Words: 498 Reading Time: 4 Minutes "We're all on the way out. Act accordingly." Jack Nicholson playing the character Frank Costello in "The Departed." The other day, I went to a breakfast to raise funds for an organization called Mission of Mercy that provides free healthcare, funded solely by donations, to those who don't qualify for government help and don't have employer provided healthcare (often because they've lost their jobs). The week before, I had had a physical […]
- from Larry Barkan: Going Postal Sent Tuesday, December 11, 2012 # Of Words: 528 Reading Time: 3 Minutes My wife had a package to mail and went to our neighborhood post office to do so. There were three clerks working and Carol had time to observe them while she waited her turn in line. The clerks on the left and right of the middle clerk did their jobs efficiently but without smiling or any outward show of emotion. They were polite, patient, clearly knew their jobs and were able to handle the complex tasks that some of the customers needed […]
November, 2012
- from Larry Barkan: Experience Teaches Us Nothing Sent Tuesday, November 6, 2012 # Of Words: 500 Reading Time: 4 Minutes Experience is the teacher of all things Julius Ceasar I was searching to find who first said, experience is the best teacher. The quote from Caesar seems to be the closest and earliest approximation. Caesar may have been a great Emperor but he was a lousy creator of sayings. In fact, we learn nothing from experience. What we actually learn from are the conclusions we draw from our experiences and those conclusions will either […]
October, 2012
- from Larry Barkan: It's The Truth...Isn't It? Sent Tuesday, October 23, 2012 # Of Words: 509 Reading Time: 4 Minutes On August 14th, the television program The Daily Show with Jon Stewart did what I thought was a brilliant piece of political satire that has implications for conflict and collaboration in every facet of life. Mitt Romney had just selected Paul Ryan to be his running mate. The Daily Show commentators demonstrated what this might mean to the Republicans and Democrats by running two mock political ads. In the first ad, presented as though […]
- from Larry Barkan: WWED? Sent Tuesday, October 16, 2012 # Of Words: 627 Reading Time: 4 Minutes Have you ever been in a conflict in which you have said, I'll guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Or, perhaps, you've used a variation on this theme such as, I don't see a way out of this. Or have exclaimed in exasperation, I can't understand how anyone could believe that. What's useful to know is that these statements are the absolute truth: We literally can't see it, don't understand it, or are amazed that anyone could believe […]