Fruitcake and Other Holiday Discomforts 

Even if you weren't partial to fruitcake, it was important to eat some so that you didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I never cared for it, so just going through the motions caused me some discomfort.

My surviving grandmother continued making fruitcake long after we had moved away. In spite of my personal feelings about it, the arrival of a small, heavy box in early December became part of my own holiday tradition.

The advent of the fruitcake caused different reactions. First, it truly was a treat for anyone who liked it. Next, was its reliability as a conversation piece ("I didn't know that anyone actually made fruitcake..."). Finally, there were the inevitable discussions about alternate uses, including its possibilities as a doorstop.

Think of fruitcake as a metaphor for those things about the holidays that cause you some uneasiness (and, of course, feel free to substitute whatever comes to mind from your own family traditions).

The thought of fruitcake causing stress is almost too bizarre to write about, however, the fear of hurting someone's feelings is quite real. One way to handle these situations is to practice a response in advance so that when the moment arrives, you're ready.

Often we don't have the luxury of a dress rehearsal, though, and the best thing to do is to provide an authentic response that is honest but not hurtful. I witnessed someone do this last week, and was struck by how sincerely the comment was given and received.

You can choose whether to live with your personal discomfort or to speak up. Just remember that if you don't say anything, you might continue to receive those doorstops for years to come.

Have a great week, and Merry Christmas!