Stop chasing him and make him chase you!
Sent Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Issue 39Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Welcome to "Live. Learn. Love." In today's issue we're
talking about why men love confident, independent women and how you can become
one without playing silly mind games.And in today's "For Married Women Only" section, I offer a tip on how to
get your husband to do anything you ask--without nagging him or making him sleep on
How to Be a Confident, Irresistible Woman--Without Playing
By: Aesha Adams-Roberts
Imagine. . . . that GORGEOUS guy you've had your eye on for
weeks has finally asked you out. What do you do?
Be aloof. Don't ever call
him.Make him chase you.Always end the date first. Pretend
you're busy when he asks you out.And after you marry him, if he doesn't act right . . . make him sleep on
But I thought you said he was a gorgeous guy that I've
wanted to ask me out, you ask.Well, according to books like The
Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and Why Men Love Bitches
by Sherry Argov, acting aloof, rarely returning his phone calls, pretending
you're too busy and other tactics to make him chase you will make you a
confident, irresistible, and in charge woman that no man can resist.
I agree with Ellen, Sherrie and Sherry that men love
confident women and that chasing a man is well . . . unattractive. But I
disagree with their tactics.In
fact, many men who have dated women following these rules state
that they feel manipulated, used, and confused.In fact, one gentlemen in our Facebook community said that
following these rules was a good way for a woman to stay single!
So, how can a sista be confident and irresistible --without
playing manipulative mind games?
Looking back on my own past dating failures when I was the
needy, desperate sister hoping the guy wouldn't break up with me (even if I
didn't feel loved or respected), I realize that there was no set of rules that
could have helped me. My issue was what I believed about myself. I couldn't
believe that someone like him would be interested in someone like me.And because I didn't fully love or
respect myself, I didn't demand that he loved or respected me either.I was just too controlled by the fear
of loss: what if he leaves me? I thought.I probably won't be able to find someone else.I was so impressed by him that I didn't even know how
amazing I was!
Having coached single women over the years, I've seen sistas
become so impressed with a guy BEFORE they get to know him that they overlook
all the signs that he might not be what they're looking for.They compromise their needs and try to
do everything to please him just to keep him interested. And instead of
focusing on having fun and getting to know a man on a date, they are in awe of
him and lose themselves in the possibilities of him being Mr. Right They get
too emotionally attached and set themselves up for disappointment if he turns
out not to be The One.
So how do you become confident and irresistible without
being arrogant or playing games with a guy? I don't have any rules for you to
live by, but I do have some suggestions that helped me marry my husband 11
months after meeting him (and I broke most of The Rules! I called him, I
asked him out, I let him know I was interested, etc., etc.)
asks you out on a date it's just that---a date and not a marriage proposal.
down . . . keep your eyes wide open, and get to know who he is.
to yourself: If it works out, great! If not, that's great too! There are
plenty other people to choose from, he's not my only option.
yourself with respect and honor and you will automatically expect it from
him without having to play any mind games.
you decide he isn't quite what you're looking for, you can treat him with
respect and let him know.
The bottom line is you teach people how to treat you by how
you treat yourself.If you love
yourself, you will be confident and irresistible!
For Married Women
Only (Singles, Turn Your Heads . . .)
Why won't my husband take out the trash?! Why doesn't he
answer me when I ask him a question?I told him I need affection and for him to tell me I'm beautiful, but
it's like it went in one ear and out the other!
I understand your frustration my sistas, but constantly nagging him or
manipulating your husband by withholding sex or affection from him is
not the way to get him to respond to your needs.
There is, however, one thing he will respond to:appreciation.
If you've already read through my free eBook, 10 Things
Your Husband Wishes You Knew (And Your Future Husband Hopes You Find Out),you know that men want to be appreciated.
But what you may not know is that giving him appreciation can also help him
want to do more for you!
For example, if you genuinely appreciate your husband for
showing you affection and you tell him that when he touches you gently, it
makes you feel safe and wanted, your husband will feel important and needed and
will want to do it again.But the
secret is to appreciate what he is already doing and then gradually ask for
more.You'll not only appeal to
his ego but you'll also speak to his goal-oriented, problem-solving
Happy Mother's Day miss lady! You are a mother figure to
many whether you have realized it or not. You have (and still are) showing me
what's important in a relationship and how to love people and my future husband
by Loving Myself and God first. You are the Best!
Check it Out!
Imagine . . . all
the secrets men usually keep to themselves . . . revealed open wide!
What Men Think
About Love and Marriage eBook
how to get in his head and stay in his heart forever!