This week I stumbled upon this blog meme things I am afraid to tell you, usually I don’t do memes – well never really. But this one caught my attention and spoke to me. Mainly because I too think that the presentation of perfection on blogs gets a bit much sometimes. While I don’t think I present a perfect front – I do of course gloss over the grisly bits. So here are a few things – some truths about me. Feel free to comment.
ps. This is my craft room in flux – I am not suggesting this is a messy space – rather a space in transition – I am in the throes of an organisational flurry.
I do indeed have a messy house — and it does annoy me even though I try to let it slide, I find myself yelling about dirty socks and cups of tea left all over the place — I don’t want it to annoy me, but it does. I have found some ways to compromise — family cleaning day, kids being responsible for their own room and bathroom — and me trying my hardest to not help them and not pick up their dirty clothes for them, husband cleaning our bathroom and me not being too anally retentive about it, I still keep control over the laundry though — whites turning grey is one of my bugbears. The biggest truth here though is that I am an inherently messy person — I probably needed to marry a tidy person, but instead he is messier and vaguer than me and so are the kids and I hate to have to be the tidy one.
I have moments when I crash and cannot be motivated to do more than the minimum to keep everything together. I had a few months like that recently, post-deadline depression, but not really depression, more like needing down time to recover from a period of high stress, high work load, high creativity — which I thrive on by the way, I love and need that adrenaline that comes with a deadline. And when it is gone I suddenly feel bereft, and all I want to do is read trashy novels and sit on the couch and drink cups of tea. I have to force myself to start a new crafty project, to make lists and do some work. I feel like I am in limbo until the next major deadline (which by the way is coming).
Motherhood did not come naturally to me. I love my kids and love my family — they are my whole life. But I struggled in the early years (and now those years are just a blur), I think I was afraid to follow my instincts, instead of sitting on the couch cuddling my baby to sleep I fretted about why she wouldn’t sleep, instead of enjoying the the oh so precious and short time of babyhood I struggled with losing ground on career and creativity. Looking back — if I could do those early years again, I think I would revel in being a stay-at-home mother instead of fighting it all the time. I am making up for it now — but the years are passing way too quickly, and I just want to spend all my time with my babies (pre-teen and early teen terrors) while they still want to spend time with me.
I struggle with my weight. And lately I have put on a little — which I will have to do something about soon. I love food and hate exercise — that’s the truth of it. And I have been awfully lazy lately. But the struggle has been a lifetime of self consciousness – I admit to having body issues. And at 40 I really don’t want to any more — I want to be happy in this body I have been given (short and round) — I am making a conscious decision to let go of body issues and take back control.
That’s probably enough for now – nothing earth shattering or gobsmackingly shocking — I am a (40 year old — yikes!) woman who lives in a nice house in the suburbs, works from home, struggles and tries hard to live an authentic life and loves her family — pretty ordinary! Not perfect, not glossy magazine stuff at all! Ha! Now what about you?!
Did you know that Interweave was bought out by F&W Media — lots of staff have moved on and there no doubt will be more big changes over there. ”The immediate plans for Interweave include increasing the number of digital magazine / content launches through the Interweave digital newsstand; expanding the e-commerce, e-book, and digital pattern business; and expanding the live and online education and event business.” [Source]