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IN THIS EDITION:  Getting a date is one thing.  Knowing WHEN and
WHY to cancel one you already have set is another.  Here are eight
ideas to guide the way.

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PART TWO:  8 TIMES WHEN YOU SHOULD CANCEL A DATE


Yesterday I gave you the first four of eight scenarios when you
should definitely cancel a date, along with how to do so with
minimal hassle.

As promised, here's the second half of the list:



5)  The "Set Up"


It goes like this.  You've taken the lead by suggesting a certain
game plan for your time together.  She appreciates that and seems
excited to join you.

Then you get a call.  No wait, make that an email or a text. 

It invariably starts with "Hey..." and/or "Um...".

"Hey...um...is it okay if my sister tags along?  She's really feeling
down and hasn't been out in a while."

If you say "yes" to this, you may as well have agreed to her
bringing five nephews, a posse of bodyguards, a couple of blue-
haired chaperones and a rocket scientist along too. 

Assuming she's not simply an opportunist (which is altogether
possible), chances are you have not succeeded at creating comfort
and security here ahead of time.

Step back and regroup.  Have you suggested a public meeting place
or taking separate cars if the two of you barely know each other?
If not, tell her you'd prefer being able to give her your undivided
attention.

Then let her know you want her to feel comfortable with the
meeting, so you're changing the venue to a place where there will
be plenty of other people around...if not her sister, per se.

Another variation to watch out for her is when she is the one who
suggests a venue change at the last minute.  For example, you had
arranged to meet at a Thai restaurant.  Thirty minutes beforehand,
she calls and suggests you meet at Morton's Steak House instead. 

I don't think so.  And neither should you.  Once you set the
precedent of falling for that, your relationship with her is about
to get REALLY pricey...and REALLY platonic, too.



6)  One Or The Other Of You Is Feeling Sick


Now we get to the "legit" portion of the discussion.

Certainly, there are varying degrees of "sick".  If you have a
headache, wolf down some ibuprofen and plan on it working.

After all, having to call off a date you're genuinely psyched
about is a major bummer.

But look man, if you're hurling up your insides and/or sneezing
your sinuses into submission, you're just going to have to face up
to reality.

And that reality is this:  If you're physical state is going to cause
more harm to the attraction process and/or to the relationship
itself than getting a rain check, then you've GOT to reschedule.

Make the decision and run with it.  Call her, suggest a time to her
right then and there and preferably make it at the same place.

If you get pushback from a skeptical woman, state very clearly that
this is no joke.  You are genuinely looking forward to seeing her,
but it's going to have to be after you've kicked whatever is ailing
you.

Now if SHE'S the one calling you to announce she has fallen ill,
simply apply the logic in reverse.  If she's seriously not feeling
well, she'll be profusely apologetic and offer a time to reschedule.

That's what you'll be looking for in that conversation. 

If she's unwilling to reschedule, it's probably a cop-out.  Either
that or she's already on her way to the hospital and losing
consciousness.



7)  Genuine Priority Adjustment


We've all seen it happen.  You have a great date planned with a
woman you've had your eye on for weeks...but Murphy has other
ideas.

I remember one time in college I finally figured out how to strike
up a conversation with a girl named Gwen, who I only saw around
campus maybe once or twice a week...max.  She agreed to play
racquetball with me the following night. 

Completely stoked about that for the next eighteen hours, I went to
my afternoon class...where the professor casually reminded us the
mid-term exam was the next day.

I had to cancel the date.  And unfortunately, it never got
rescheduled. 

But I aced my class.  And hey, I graduated from college and got a
job afterward.

Hopefully, if something comes up that represents a higher priority
than going on a date, you'll be better at rescheduling with a firm
time and place than I was. 

And make no mistake; there are LOTS of items on the list of what's
more important than going on a date.
 
Unexpected business trips, family emergencies, playoff tickets...

   

8)  Gut Feeling, Backed By Genuine Evidence Of Any Sort


Sometimes you just KNOW something isn't right, but you can't quite
put your finger on it. 

Women in particular are really good at intuiting when they'd better
not go through with a date. 

Usually it's because they feel a bit creeped out.  Maybe the
guy seems as if he could get sexually pushy or possibly even
violent.

But no matter what, most women aren't shy about cutting off plans
with a guy when they have a gut feeling they shouldn't show up.

And as men, our "spidey senses" can also start tingling also under
certain circumstances, can't they?

Do you think her emotional stability (or lack thereof) could be a
factor?  If she has already come up with some erratic stuff on the
phone, you could be right.

Think she's just out to use you in some way?  If you get the
distinct feeling you're being manipulated somehow, you're probably
right.

No matter what, if she's causing you to think that maybe NOT
going out with her would be the best idea, then cancel the date. 

You don't really need to explain what you're thinking, because
she'll likely have a pretty good comeback ready.

Gut feelings, I've found, are usually trustworthy.  Tell her you
think it's best that the date not happen, and there's another
man out there who will appreciate her more.  Leave it at that.



Usually when we make the decision to spend time with a woman,
it's because we genuinely want to.  But it's always a good idea to
keep a clear perspective along the way...especially when you don't
know her very well.  So definitely use the information I just shared
wisely.

One other quick note.  Clearly, I've geared this conversation
mostly toward first dates.  If you have been seeing a woman for a
while, you should be long past any potentially awkward situations
associated with date cancellation.  Open, frank conversation
should be the norm.