[X&Y] What To Do When She Says, "It Doesn't Matter"

Published: Thu, 07/25/19



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WHAT'S INSIDE:  What does a woman REALLY mean when
you suggest something and she says, "It doesn't matter"?

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WHEN SHE SAYS, "IT DOESN'T MATTER"

 
Picture this.  You're out with a woman you don't know very well.
Maybe it's a first date.  

You've finished up at your first stop and things are going well, so
you suggest going somewhere else instead of taking her home early.

OR...maybe you're on the phone with a woman planning the
all-important first date.

Either way, whatever you suggest she gives you a typical answer:


  "It doesn't matter."


On the surface, this is frustrating to hear.

It sure sounds like she's leaving you hanging...giving you nothing to
work with
in the moment but sheer ambiguity.

But that's not really true.  In reality, "It doesn't matter" is about the
BEST answer you could ever hope for.

Why is that?

Let's break it down.

You've just suggested that the two of you either make plans or 
extend the plans that are already underway, right?

Were she NOT into you at all, would she leave things so apparently
"open ended"?

Nope.  She'd say something to the effect of, "Well, you know...I have
to get up early so let's just go home", or "Nah...I've got plans for
the next fourteen weeks solid."

This is human nature of the non-gender-specific variety, isn't it?  

When you're NOT interested in taking someone up on his or her
suggested plan you make your opinion known, right?

You bet you do.

So when she responds to your suggestion to hang out with you in the
form of, "it doesn't matter", what she's REALLY saying is, "YES...I'd
LOVE to!"

I hear what you're probably asking.  "So Scot, how come she doesn't
just SAY so?"

Granted, some women are bold and confident (and some would even say
unwise) enough to blurt out, "Sure.  That sounds great."

But the reasons why many women say, "it doesn't matter" instead are
twofold.

First, remember this:  Women are being taught to avoid appearing
needy and clingy just like we are.  They know that over-eagerness
is an attraction killer.

Throwing the ball back in our court keeps them from looking
desperate, doesn't it?

But more importantly, I'd argue, her responding to our suggestion
with, "it doesn't matter" is a strong message to us that she wants
US to take the lead.

That's right.  She wants US to make the plan.  

She does NOT want to take that role because she sees it as YOURS.

You are the man...and when YOU make plans and direct the date
accordingly, it's a builds attraction.

You see that dynamic at work?

"It doesn't matter" is actually better than a straightforward "yes"
because she's demonstrating she knows how to present herself with
high value.

PLUS, she's freely offering you the opportunity to man up
and
ignite her femininity.

It's all pretty fascinating when you think about it...especially
considering that we as men tend to throw in the towel and assume
the worst whenever we hear, "it doesn't matter".

Based on what I can tell, we do that a staggering percentage of the
time.

But misreading this scenario is particularly tragic because you
BOTH end up disappointed...every single time.

Forget that noise.

Next time she says, "it doesn't matter" consider yourself prepared.

By the way, if you sense things are going well and want to make
plans with a woman, be careful to make a firm suggestion rather
than asking her what she wants to do.

Say, "That was fun.  Let's go get a drink now because it's still
early."   

That's better than, "Would you like to go get a drink now or do you
want me to take you home?"

Either way you could get the same, "it doesn't matter" answer, no
doubt.  But the first version above conveys masculine confidence
far more effectively than the latter.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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