[X&Y] What Is "Femininity", Anyway?
Published: Sun, 09/15/19
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I'm writing today's newsletter by popular demand, which I have to
admit caught me a bit by surprise.
I suppose that for all these years I've held too simplistic a
viewpoint on this subject.
In a way, I've figured that if you're reading this and you're a
And following logically, you'll know someONE is feminine when you
experience HER.
After all, at its very baseline femininity is that which sexually
polarizes masculinity, "igniting" it if you will...in the exact
same way I often refer to masculinity igniting femininity.
Ultimately, it's what turns on a heterosexual man.
But now I'm realizing that simply knowing that cognitively probably
isn't good enough.
You want a deeper dive into exactly what it is about women that
makes them so darned sexy to us.
Well, I'm not sure there's a cut and dried answer to that, first of
all. When you get right down to it, how sexual attraction works is
really strange.
Sex in general is pretty much the first dirty trick God plays on us
to get us to make babies.
(The second is making our own babies so darned cute and so much
like ourselves that we overlook the PITA it is to take care of them and
raise them.)
Think about sexuality for a second, though. It really is weird.
What men and women respectively tend to like to do bores the
opposite gender to no end.
And if you've really ever thought about the mechanics behind sexual
intercourse itself, it SHOULD come off as nothing short of gross.
And we SHOULD love it. We should not only love sex, but we should
love femininity and love the vessels that so often carry it off so
well (i.e. women).
Indeed, most of us wouldn't have it any other way.
Ultimately, though, you can indeed find some semblance of method to
the madness at play here...if you're willing to look for it.
And "play" is a relevant word.
First of all, femininity is all about playfulness, joy, and
well...FUN.
Women who exhibit tendencies toward fomenting and enjoying those
things tend to make guys want to rip their clothes off and ravish
them.
I can't count how many times I've heard guys tell me how they'd
love to find a fun or even "giggly" girlfriend.
Man, do we ever love women who we can make giggle at silly stuff.
Meanwhile, I've never in seven years of dating coaching EVER heard
a guy tell me he wanted a woman just like "Daria" from the old MTV
show.
So when women represent all of that to us, we'd really like to,
well...rip their clothes off and ravish them.
A nurturing, life-giving spirit also makes us go nuts for a woman.
Whether we think much about parenthood or not, women who'd make
Add it all up and women wear colorful, flowery sundresses and paint
their toenails. They like to throw parties and dance a lot.
And yes, even the visual indications of the feminine nature they
possess makes us sexually hot for them.
And we as men? Well, as I've described to you before, we are the
providers for and protectors of all things feminine.
Our masculine leadership and purpose literally powers the feminine
drive to bring fun and pleasure into the world.
We instinctively desire to take the "hero's" role in making sure
women have nothing to worry about and want for nothing in that
all-powerful quest of theirs.
We're really just the "Femininity Police".
When you get right down to it, have you ever considered how twisted
it is that certain women have fought so hard over the past several
decades to take on more of the masculine role?
Clearly, femininity has the higher calling. Women do what makes
life truly exciting and worth living.
Yet, you don't often see many men clamoring to take over the
woman's role.
In my humble opinion, I think that's because we particularly like
being the BENEFICIARIES of feminine amazingness.
Obviously, every bit of what I just described represents merely the
tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on about this.
But to close, I simply want to address why I believe some of us as
men really needed to ask what "femininity" looks like to begin with.
I think it's for two reasons, really.
The first is that there are NON-gender-specific traits that turn on
both women. A key example is confidence.
The thing to remember in such cases, however, is that such "neuter"
traits that apparently contribute to our horniness are those which
actually tend to AMPLIFY the strength of either masculinity in a
man or femininity in a woman.
You see that? As another example, do you see how a woman with a
personality type that compliments yours would cause you to take
MORE notice of her inherent femininity?
The second reason is because men and women can sometimes do the
exact same things...and still turn on MOTOS (members of the
opposite sex) in the process.
Having a smooth, mellifluous voice comes to mind. But see, as men
we equate that in a woman with "soft comfort". For a woman, it
indicates "calm, collected power and control" in a man.
And what about women who love sports?
I mean, what is more masculine than the "miniature war" of
potential domination over a reviled foe that transpires on the
playing field?
Well, sure...women may find themselves admiring certain "warriors"
who play the game.
But think about it. Very few women are really yelling at the TV
when their team fumbles on the goal line.
And fewer are taunting the "enemy" after a big win.
So then, what ARE they doing? They're wearing the colors, enjoying
the "big event", and basically using the whole gig as an excuse to
be social and have a party.
If you ask most women, they'll tell you they greatly prefer
attending games live to watching them on TV.
Recently, as it turns out, I went to a college football game.
The home team was not a particularly good one or well-known one.
Yet weirdly, they play in a big city and in a pretty awesome,
amenity-rich stadium that was originally built for the NFL.
As a direct result of the "perfect storm" created by those factors,
the audience was--I kid you not--at least 60% women. Most of them
were wearing the team's colors, and not paying any attention to the
actual game whatsoever.
Go figure...sports are actually the perfect venue for both
masculinity AND femininity to thrive.
To sum it all up, feel the freedom to relax and enjoy whatever it
is that really ignites your masculinity. If you care to analyze
why you're attracted, my educated guess is that it'll all come down
to what I described above.
But by all means, enjoy all the little, irresistible things women
do to point your attention in the general direction of their
feminine charm as well.
In its purest form as intended, femininity makes the world a more
wonderful place and enriches our lives immensely if we let it.
What's more, femininity tends to appreciate and adore masculinity
in return as much as masculinity adores it. Nothing could be more
gratifying, really.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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