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IN THIS EDITION:  She's being friendly...so does that mean it's "on"?

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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "FRIENDLY" AND "FLIRTING"


Today's newsletter is on a topic that isn't talked about often enough.

But let me tell you, we as guys tend to tear our hair out over it.

The scene is a classic one.

Maybe you're eating lunch at a restaurant, making a deposit at the
bank or checking in for a flight to Denver.

Whatever the case, a particularly attractive woman is helping you
out and during the course of your brief interaction with her you
distinctly notice how NICE she's being to you.

She's smiling, laughing at your bad jokes, asking if she can help
you with anything else, etc.

The thought crosses your mind to get her phone number, but you find
yourself wondering, "Is she really as charmed by me as it SEEMS, or
is she just nice to EVERYBODY and I'm really no different?"

To be fair, the often-asked question of whether women who are "on
the clock" tend to be friendlier because they're paid to be is a
semi-valid one, even though I believe personality trumps paycheck
in most cases. 

If she's flirting with you, it's probably for real.

Women don't tend to flirt unnecessarily while on the job...especially
since, ironically enough, women who work for tips have long since
figured out that being "nice" makes them as much if not more money
than being falsely flirtatious.

That's mostly because most of us as guys don't know the difference
anyway, hence the need for this newsletter.

But the situation I'm describing here is equally likely to happen
when you sit next to that transfer student in class or strike up a
conversation with a random cutie at the subway station.

So whether she's on the job or not, which is it?  Is she just
being NICE, or is she FLIRTING with you?

My first impulse is to remind you that it simply doesn't matter,
when you get right down to it.

If you WANT to get her phone number, you should make that bold
move to get it instead of over-analyzing the situation.  The only
thing holding you back would be "fear of rejection".

After all, women are individuals.  As such, not everything I'm
about to share with you is foolproof anyway.  The only way to
know for SURE if she's interested is to proactively suggest that
the interaction continue later.

But then again, I fully realize that most of us would rather have a
better handle on the situation with a woman we've just met than
that before making arrangements to continue the conversation
with her.

Fair enough.  Here are two key considerations that will help you
out in these instances from now on.

The first one is what most guys would think of first:  Is she
giving you MORE attention than she is anyone else?

Simply stated, more attention = more interest.
 
Keep your eyes open here.  If you're in a busy restaurant and
the waitress keeps checking in on you and making small talk,
that's meaningful.

Similarly, if you are on a flight with a relatively light pax load
and the flight attendant actually sits down to chat with you--a la
Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown--then that's a pretty clear sign.

On the other hand, if the World's Hottest Bank Teller is saying
the same things to the 65-year-old grandma as she is to you
and flashing that same winning smile, then not so much.

The second indicator I want to share with you is arguably a
BETTER and certainly more POWERFUL one.

That's this:  Is she acting FEMALE?

You got it.  You want to gauge whether she is turning on the
FEMININITY for you or not.

It's like this, gentlemen.  Masculinity and femininity are the FUEL
that powers sexual polarity.   If you want your motor to run,
you've got to gas up.  And if you want to put out a fire, you sure
don't throw a bucket of petrol on it.

So then, if she's talking, moving and generally carrying herself
in an unmistakably EXTRA FEMALE manner, you've got all the
evidence you need that she's interested.

I can prove what I'm telling you is true by putting the shoe on
the other foot, as is so often useful to do.

Have you ever been minding your own business when all of the
sudden a woman you are decidedly NOT attracted to decides to
strike up a conversation with you?

If you're a total idiot/jerk (or "I/J") you may just tell her to
get lost.  Since most of us aren't that rude though (neither are
most women by the way), we'll probably respond in a civil manner.

But think about it.  Even if you go through the motions of friendly
conversation with her, you're going to go out of your way to keep
things as NEUTER as possible, aren't you?

You instinctively know how to keep the conversation completely
DEVOID of sexual polarity.  After all, to actually FLIRT with a
woman who grosses you out would make your stomach turn.

I think you get my drift.

Remember always that the definition of "flirting", at least at the
baseline, is ANY interaction between a man and a woman that
would feel really awkward and creepy if between two heterosexual
members of the same gender.

So if the conversation you are having with ANY woman is one
that you'd UNIQUELY have with someone of the female persuasion,
and she's LIKING IT, then she's flirting with you.

That's about as simple and as practical as it gets.  Enjoy.