[X&Y] The #1 Way Men Screw Up When They Meet Their Dream Woman
Published: Tue, 08/20/19
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IN THIS EDITION: How about we completely re-arrange some
established "meet women" advice?
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YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS
Men and women are supposed to be on the same team,
not adversaries.
But with all the mixed messages we're hit with nowadays,
it often doesn't seem like it.
The truth remains what it always HAS been, however: Women
love men, just like you love women.
When you're not meeting and relating to the women YOU
want the most, there's a disconnect there.
There's a disruption in the natural order of the universe.
What sucks is most men will beat their heads against the
wall trying to figure it out on their own for YEARS.
But after still not getting a great girlfriend--or maybe even
any women to go out with at all--they ultimately give up.
This is the ultimate capitulation to failure, and it must not
stand.
Relating to women in a mutually fulfilling way is arguably
the greatest joy in this life.
When that's NOT happening, something feels like it's
missing from your life. And it is.
Worse, the very women who would have responded
POWERFULLY to you are left without the opportunity
to meet you...and adore you.
And perhaps worst of all, the whole situation was
completely within your control ALL ALONG.
The fatal flaw for most guys is that we'll NEVER ask for
directions.
But that only means we're stuck...possibly forever, or
at least until we get "unstuck".
Meanwhile, those to not only survive but THRIVE almost
always have a coach.
Even those who are already at the top of their game.
If what I'm telling you resonates, it's definitely time to
get on my calendar for a free 25-minute call.
We'll discuss where you are, where you want to be,
and how to get there.
I may have a quick answer for you that represents a
significant breakthrough.
More likely, I'll be able to recommend exactly the right
program for you...be it a coaching program or something
from the Member's Portal.
No matter what, you have my solemn guarantee that
you'll be GLAD you talked to me.
Here's the link to get on board:
http://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/reserve/
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READER QUESTION: "SHOULD I PUT ALL MY EGGS IN
ONE BASKET?"
Hi Scot,
I've got a question.
I'm currently "casually" seeing a girl from home. I go to college
in a different place to her so I only really see her at the
weekends.
Although we are not exclusive, since I've been with her I find
that I'm not really interested in any other girls.
There are a few problems with this because I know the wisdom in
not putting my eggs all in one basket.
I am wondering what to do because I am also finding my confidence
reduced and my insecurity about this situation increased--although
I know enough not to act needy or anything like that, even if I'm
feeling it.
I think from her end, she probably thinks that everything is fine
and it's just fine and casual.
But do you think I should end this relationship if it's causing
internal (and imagined) distress even if I like her and she likes
me?
It's probably not far off from "one-itis" (shudder LOL) but the thing
is she likes me too.
If I am to end it I would want to do so in as masculine a way as
possible, if that is possible. How would that even be done?
There can be no reason to end a decidedly good situation except
for me wussing out! That throws masculine out the window LOL.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice you'd have.
Cheers,
Gordon (Cardiff, UK)
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OK, thanks for bringing up a great topic, Gordon.
Unfortunately, the objectively basic "paint by numbers" approach
of teaching beginners how not to screw up with women leaves very
little gray area (as does "paint by numbers" in real life, I suppose).
As such, the teaching includes such pearls of wisdom as "avoid
one-itis" and/or as you mentioned, "don't put your eggs in one
basket".
All of this is nice entry-level advice if you are a supplicative
wimpy guy who tends to fall in "love" with anyone female who can
fog a mirror, whether she likes him back or not.
The problem arises when we take this kind of teaching in the
overarching, more general sense.
What happens then?
A guy like you or me meets a woman we like very much. Far more
than the others we've dated.
And she likes us back...a lot.
So we're under the impression, because of what we've read elsewhere
that we should BREAK UP WITH HER?
This is the part where somebody scratches the needle across the
record while the music's playing...bringing it all to an abrupt
stop with a "WHAAAT?"
Since your "main squeeze" lives where home is for you, and you see
her every weekend, I'm hard pressed to call this a long-distance
relationship. So I think you should be GLAD you've found a woman
you can potentially keep around long-term.
And she apparently likes you back. This is not a bad thing.
In fact, this is what most guys DREAM of.
And besides, whenever I've read about the condition commonly
known as "one-itis" it's usually in the context of a man falling
for a woman from afar, regardless of any real interaction with
her at all, let alone an actual relationship.
I mean, going to college and experiencing the feeling that the only
woman you really want is the one YOU HAVE? That's about as good as
it gets, and almost NO guys ever get to have that in their lives.
Why am I so sure about what I'm saying?
Well, many years ago I was in your situation almost exactly.
Instead of manning up, I broke up with the girl of my dreams
because my own weakness and jealousy pissed me off.
Not only did some other guy snag her up literally the day after
we broke up, he married her.
That was a great woman...and I screwed up.
So when I met Emily twelve years ago, you can bet I didn't make the
same mistake.
I let all the other women in my life go--by choice--and have not
looked back.
After all, I dated enough to know who I wanted. And when she showed
up, I didn't have room in my schedule anymore for the other women I
had been dating.
This is all about having 100% control over your dating life and
having the FREEDOM to make the decisions you WANT to make...
when and only when the time is right by your own standards.
Quote: "There can be no reason to end a decidedly good situation
except for me wussing out!"
So thereby you have my support for an answer you've already
provided to your own question.
You don't sound like a man who is weak. You sound like a man who
is hypersensitive about looking weak.
Fair enough. Why not LEAD as a man, then, and go make sure you
deserve what you want from your relationship with this woman and make
it happen?
If it doesn't work out, you at least exercised an option that was
uniquely YOURS.
And my guess is that you'll be strong enough a relationship manager
to continue making long-term decisions from a position of strength
even if it's within the context of a long-term exclusive relationship.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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