[X&Y] You Meet Her And She's Cranky...Now What?
Published: Fri, 07/05/19
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WHAT'S INSIDE: What's stopping you from approaching women? Is
what we fear really based on facts...or is it all in our mind?
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YOU MEET HER AND SHE'S CRANKY...NOW WHAT?
When most of us as guys consider what frame of mind a woman might
be in relative to approaching her and introducing ourselves, it's
been my consistent observation that we tend to fear the worst.
Being the habitual "rejection phobes" that we are, we envision her
having been hit up on by SO many men SO often that she'll likely
have become fed up with it...and snap our heads off.
Or worse, we picture her as brazen enough to openly ridicule us for
even thinking we had a chance with her.
Basically, we assign her immense power over us, which is bad enough
a disadvantage. But worse, we do this before we've even met her.
Welcome, in part, to why so few guys EVER get around to meeting any
women at all. The potential "humiliation" gets played through in
our own minds well ahead of any chance for reality to manifest
itself.
The truth of the matter is that if we approach a woman like a
normal human being and without some rude, pushy "caveman" agenda
that makes her instantly feel manipulated, used and/or creeped out
we're overwhelmingly likely to get a positive response from her.
By "positive response", I mean one that validates your value as a
respectable human being.
Yes, she may legitimately have a boyfriend, be in town only today
for a business meeting or even be a lesbian--but she'll smile
pleasantly and be friendly to you nonetheless.
In other words, your experience with her will be a positive one
overall.
I've seen this over and over again during Ten-Plus Live
experiences. In fact, check this out. To this day there's NEVER
been even one woman who responded negatively to ANY guy who
I've ever worked with in-field.
And that's not just a San Antonio, TX thing.
In my considerable travels I can't remember the last time any
woman I talked to anywhere was anything less than friendly toward
me.
Usually they're quick to turn on the feminine charm as well, which
is always a good thing.
You could go so far as to say that what I'm talking about here is
THE defining characteristic of men who are successful with women
versus those who are not: They've actually TESTED the premise that
it's not so potentially scary to talk to women.
As valuable an insight as that is, let's not stop there.
Men with a bit more advanced skill with women also have learned to
separate a woman's mental state from anything having to do with him
personally.
In other words, even if on the off chance an interaction doesn't go
favorably they've learned not to let it affect their own mindset.
Let's just say that if a woman's had a rough day at the office,
just got off the phone with her narcissistic ex-husband, got bad
news from the doctor's office and/or is just straight-up PMSing she
MIGHT not be as open to your approach and as excited about it as
she might have been under different circumstances.
None of that, of course, has ANYTHING to do with you.
If we're honest with ourselves, this isn't a gender-specific
phenomenon either.
As embarrassing as it is to admit, I specifically remember the last
time I wasn't exactly nice to someone who did nothing whatsoever to
provoke me.
It was on my 40th birthday.
I almost immediately gathered myself and apologized to the guy,
reassuring him that it was all my problem.
So yes, that sort of thing MIGHT happen when it's a case of trying
to meet a woman at the wrong place at the wrong time. But even so,
it's indeed rare to incite unprovoked rudeness when meeting women.
But here's another factor that I want you to consider--and this
might be the major takeaway for you today.
Why is it that when we think about a woman's mindset relative to
approaching her, our minds always tend to gravitate toward having
to "overcome" something negative?
What if we instead re-trained our minds to look for--and perhaps
even expect--situations where a woman's mindset might actually make
things EASIER for us to approach her and attract her?
The classic example, of course, is how men have historically tried
to get women drunk on dates in order to increase their chances at
"getting lucky".
So yes, at least some guys are well-acquainted with the concept at
play here, if on that level alone.
But what if you could learn to spot other indicators that a woman
was in an optimal emotional state?
If she's having fun and laughing already, chances are she'll remain
that way as you open a conversation with her.
If she's wearing a dress that flatters her as opposed to looking
"frumpy", chances are that she'll FEEL more attractive and be less
self-conscious about meeting you.
If it's Friday afternoon "happy hour", she might just be in a
better mood than if it's Monday at 7am at Starbucks. Just sayin'...
Don't get me wrong, if you're good at getting women to "lighten
up", you can truly amaze her by starting a light, positive
conversation even under potentially challenging circumstances.
But ultimately, I challenge you to consider the power of simply
making the decision to approach and meet any woman you want to even
if you have NO IDEA what her mindset might be.
Can you REALLY separate your own sense of self-esteem from any
individual woman's words or actions toward you?
Can you relax and TEST the theory that the more women you approach
the greater your confidence will actually become as a direct result?
What might you find out in doing so?
On time I personally watched a guy I was working with approach and
meet a certain woman and her friend.
As it turned out, her divorce had been finalized that very day and
her friend had taken her out to "celebrate".
To say the newly-divorced woman AND her friend were sexually
interested would be an understatement.
But there was NO WAY of knowing that apart from having approached
her and actually talking to her.
Why not, then, take a realistic look at YOUR mindset toward HER
mindset from now on?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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