=====

WHAT'S INSIDE:  She's beautiful.  In fact, she seems like a
princess to you.  Does that mean she seems like a princess to
herself?

=====



TWO WOMEN SITTING ON YOUR LAP, GIGGLING


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=====



LETTER FROM A READER


Hey Scot,

Ok, I've been thinking about this one for a while.

I am frustrated with myself.  I have been to a nightclub and it was
awful.  I was with a friend and there were lots of girls.

I could really see how they were just waiting for me to take them
by the hand to dance with them etc., but I couldn't.

I was looking good and they were clearly interested.  Man, one
attractive girl sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME and I did not talk to
her.  

I've seen this happen every time I go out lately.

I realise what all the other guys are doing wrong (not having the
guts to just go and talk to the pretty girls).  I can see she's
waiting for a real man who's not intimidated by her to finally show
up.

I look at her and she looks at me with that hope in her eyes.  I
know it's all just a matter of going over there and talking to her
BUT I DON'T.

There is something in me that is too scared to just go over, or in
fact even just to talk to a girl who sat down next to me.

I have this inner vision of myself of being this awesome, extremely
successful guy who everyone wants to be friends with and all women
love.  You know how when you hold a vision it becomes part of your
being in the present?

For example, when you think of yourself as being a future
millionaire all the time eventually you will start to think and act
more like one.

That's kind of what's happening to me here.  I have what seems a
strong ego at first.  But what's going on inside is that this
"strong ego" knows that it hasn't really been tested yet.

Part of me knows that it's all not based on solid ground.  Therefore
I shy out of every test that could hurt my ego.

The thoughts that are going through my mind are "fear of success".

Can I really offer a very beautiful woman what she needs from a
man?

In a way I am scared that this 25 year old model might actually be
into me.  I would not know how to deal with that situation because
I never experienced it before and that is another reason why I shy
away.

Please do tell me if you feel there's something else going on as
well that I am missing here.


Best regards,

Ulrich  (Wiesbaden, Germany)



=====



How's it going, Ulrich?  It's always excellent to hear from you guys
in Germany.  Love the great beer, accurate train schedules and of
course cruising on the autobahnen.

But enough about me.

I can understand what you're saying.  And not just because you
conveniently wrote it in English for me.

The ideas of "How do I make plans with a woman?" and "What do we
actually DO together now that I've met her?" are both covered in
dedicated full-length audio programs in The Man's Approach.

Rest assured, that's because A LOT of guys ask this sort of thing.

It's as if the "fear of rejection" that most guys experience can
actually give way to "fear of NOT getting rejected".

I do think that your self-perceived "fear of what to do with her if
she's actually attracted to me" can have something to do with the
need to build more confidence, of course.

But I suspect there may be a more overarching issue at play here,
especially since you can already see the forest for the trees and
REALIZE you're attractive to women.  

That's what I want to address.
 
But first off, good job on getting a fantastic head start at
getting through all of this in one piece.  

So many guys suffer from the "too good to be true factor" when they
encounter beautiful women and you don't seem to be afflicted with
that disorder.

But my guess here is that you may instead be infected by a nasty
strain of the "putting women on a pedestal" virus--and it's a
particularly destructive yet subtle one.  

Specifically, you're suggesting to yourself that highly attractive
women are not mere mortals for whom "normal life" experiences are
enough.  

In other words, you may believe that they somehow require a higher
standard of entertainment.  As such, you perhaps think you can't
pull together something to do that will be interesting enough for
them.

I mean, forget anxiety over whether your performance in the bedroom
is going to be grandiose enough for them.  That's several chess
moves ahead.

First you've got to figure out that it's okay to pick them up in
your Opel Astra rather than a gilded carriage drawn by eight white
horses.

And then you've got to realize that walking in the park on a
starlit autumn night with a gelato might be preferable to being
whisked off for Kobe beef and Dom Perignon via private jet.

That's right.  Regardless of what you may have heard elsewhere
out there, it's NOT TRUE that only rock stars and celebrities get
beautiful, sexy girlfriends.

Never mind that there are plenty of famous guys with less-than
amazing women.

The more important truth is that there just aren't enough "A-
listers" to go around.  There are more beautiful girls out there
than they can possibly go out with.

So meanwhile, these mind-blowingly hot women are going home
and watching reruns of "House Hunters" on TV with a Diet Coke
and a donor kebab since you didn't ask them out.  

That's the fact of the matter, whether you can bring yourself
to believe it or not.

They're just WOMEN.  

And that means they're just HUMAN BEINGS.  

If they like you--and they do--then they'll implicitly enjoy hanging
out with you regardless of what you're doing.  

Really, you can share your real-world lifestyle with them and they'll
love you for it.

I remember I once went grocery shopping with a woman late one
night--for HER groceries, no less.  

That's about as mundane as it gets.

But I did what I could do to make it more fun.  I was casually
placing weird things in her shopping cart when she wasn't looking
and stuff like that.

Afterward, all she wanted to do was make out.  And make no mistake,
she was an incredible woman in every way.

So what if a particular woman does indeed behave like a "diva" when
you hang out with her, and nothing is good enough?

Well then, take the high road.  Maybe she's right.  

Let some other guy go and try to figure out how to retrieve the
pea out from under her mattress.

People who are unpretentious and down-to-earth rock.  That
especially holds true for beautiful female ones, and I promise
you they're plentiful.   

Rest comfortably in the notion that you're clearly attractive to
women and that your personality WORKS.

They already want to hang out with YOU.  

Ironically, it's very often the case that the more we try to plan
something "impressive" and outlandish, the more likely it is to
BACKFIRE on us.

As crazy as it sounds, that same woman you may have thought
would tolerate nothing less than the "princess" treatment may
be left thinking, "Why does this guy have to hide behind this huge
production?  Doesn't he realize his authentic self is enough for
me?"

Then, she'd go back home to her donor kebab and reruns, radiant in
her transcendent beauty all the while...but disappointed.  Go figure.

 
Be Good,

Scot McKay




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