[X&Y] Be In "The Zone"...and I DON'T Mean The JBF One [Reader Question]
Sent Friday, October 11, 2013View as plaintext
WHAT'S INSIDE: She's been kind of naughty with other guys in the
past, but all of the sudden she meets YOU and decides it's time to
become a "good girl" and take things slow this time. What do you
make of that? Find out...
BACKWARDS IS EVEN BETTER
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You got it. Get The Leading Man for just $97 and I'll GIVE YOU The
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And now let's hear from Trent in Palm Springs, California...who just
so happens to own both The Leading Man and The Master Plan.
BE IN "THE ZONE"...AND I DON'T MEAN THE JBF ONE
I'm a pilot and I went out with a woman who used to be a flight
attendant for the company I work at.
I've been out with her a couple of times and had a very nice
evening. After the first date she said to me, "Wow. You really
surprised me. You're much cooler than I thought you would be. You
really have my attention."
She's 39, I'm 52.
I walked her to her car and kissed her goodnight a few times. I
kissed her softly and slowly with minimal escalation. She looked at
me with this look of amazement and said, "Wow. I want to take my
time getting to know you."
A few nights later, she came over for dinner at my place. She was
smoking hot, wearing a cute dress and 4" heels.
After dinner we were on the couch kissing again, slowly with little
escalation. She again said that she wanted to take her time getting
to know me.
She said that she didn't know what I had heard about her, that she
had been pretty wild when she was at the airline and that she had
been promiscuous and that she didn't feel very good about herself
when she did that.
The airline is a pretty small world, so she was pretty much
throwing out on the table what she suspected I already knew.
I told her that I didn't have any problem with any of that. My
sense was that she was sincere, that she really did want to get to
know me and to take her time doing it.
My question: I'm not new to dating. Over the years I've seen women
put men in several categories.
There's the "let's just be friends" zone, the "ambiguous zone", the
ONS/sometimes "I'm really attracted to you but this isn't going to
go anywhere, so I'm going to have my fun with you" zone, the "I
like you but it's going to take 3 dates/boyfriend" zone and the "I
think you have long term potential, so I'm going slow so I don't
screw this up" zone.
The last zone in particular I'm curious to know if you think
exists, because I've seen it a few times--where women seem to put
you in a different "long term potential category".
I've taken your Master Plan and The Leading Man courses and see a
lot of what you talk about within me already.
I tend to be introverted, but still social. I can be very playful.
Most of the time, I feel that I exude a calm yet confident
strength. I tend to sit back a bit and observe.
And I have a great sense of truth. Most of the time I'm pretty
centered and unflappable.
I'm curious to know what you think about women that "reinvent"
themselves and if you think the "long term potential" category
exists. It's not something I've seen much written about.
BTW, both your Master Plan and Leading Man courses really resonated
with me. Nice job.
Trent (Palm Springs, CA)
Glad you are enjoying. And I'm even more thrilled that you are
"centered" and "unflappable", given that you're an airline pilot.
But we've got a lot to cover here, so let's get on it.
As you know, women follow your lead. So when a woman is attracted
to you she is basically going to behave with you in a way that's in
line with what she believes your expectations are.
Now that said, for every unfortunate "zone" we as men may find
ourselves in, there's a "Big Four" deficiency somewhere.
This is actually something I was thinking about earlier today, in
terms of four quadrants with the two vertices being Sexual
Attraction and Character.
For example, the "just be friends" zone means she likes you and
perhaps thinks your character is okay, but isn't really attracted
to you. You haven't ignited her femininity with masculine energy
in that case.
The "one night stand" zone would be the diametric opposite. You've
turned her on, but she really isn't sure about your long-term
potential because strong character hasn't really been evident.
In the case you described, I find it extraordinarily curious that
she would divulge all of her past promiscuity to you in the context
of going on about how to take it slow.
What does all this indicate?
Well, make no mistake about it. She is attracted to you sexually.
She's saying some of the "you're amazing" type of things, and she's
coming over to your house looking smoking hot.
Women just don't come over to guys' homes alone, especially looking
that fantastic, if they're not at least expecting the outside
chance that you'll make a sexual move.
She's clearly attracted, and she clearly also believes you have
character. So you've entered what can only be described as the
"prince charming potential" zone.
You've got to love that acronym, and it may be a suitable one, at
When a woman actually meets a REAL man who has the "Big Four"
together, it's such a rare and exciting event these days that it
fries her circuits.
She wants to jump your bones. Badly.
But on the other hand, she thinks she might want to keep you
around--and all to herself--so she's reticent to let the relationship
"degenerate" into a sexual fling and nothing more.
It's a widespread fear on women's part that once sex happens, a man
will lose interest fast...especially if no depth has been built
there in other ways beforehand.
So congratulations are in order.
Had she seen you as the kind of "nice guy" she SHOULD be interested
in having a long-term relationship with, but wasn't really FEELING
anything in that other key "zone"--the "feminine ignition zone"--the
situation would have been different.
You wouldn't have seen that dress and those heels in your very own
living room, and you most certainly wouldn't have heard words like
"wow" cross her lips after you kissed her.
You've represented to this woman what she wants in a man pretty
And by the way, don't kid yourself, "introverted" is VERY different
than "shy". An introverted man often has a HUGE advantage when
interacting one-on-one with a woman.
In addition, your calm, confident strength is a powerful way to
convey masculinity to her. You just don't necessarily have to be
the "life of the party" to attract women.
After all, creating attraction is really never about personality
type, per se. But it's ALWAYS about the "big four".
Now that you've represented to this woman what she wants, all you
really need to do now is remember is that you're LEADING.
This means she's now looking forward to giving you what you want.
That's really heavy.
But in order to do that, you've got to actually decide what it is
that you DO WANT from your relationship with this woman here.
Do you really want that quick fling and nothing more?
Well then, you'd better tell her you're not in any position to
think about a long-term relationship, and you'll need to do that
SOON before you hurt her emotionally.
You've already led somewhere beyond the "fling" zone in her mind.
My guess is that she'll either accept the truth and have sex with
you anyway or announce she's finished with you--only to call you
later having reconsidered the two of you having a more casual
Or hey, she may actually have been dead serious about having "felt
bad about herself" in her more promiscuous days (which may have
been last week, by the way) and go ahead and look elsewhere for
another guy to "take it slow" with.
But what if you really do see some long-term potential in her?
What if you think you might want to keep her around and pursue a
Well, if that's the case I personally believe it's wise not to
commit to an exclusive relationship with her until you've gotten to
know her a bit better...no matter what.
But that's not to say you aren't in a very real leadership position
here with regard to when the sex happens.
For what it's worth, I know happy couples who waited until marriage
to have sex, and I know other couples who are just as blissful
long-term having had sex on the first date.
What you're female friend is looking for from you at this point is
your LEADERSHIP that shows you're not a "bang 'em and leave 'em"
type of guy.
She needs to see that you are mature enough to enjoy a sexual
relationship with someone even as you see long-term potential
Sometimes, this is as disarmingly easy to convey as TELLING HER SO,
especially if you come off as non-judgmental.
As incredible as it sounds, your words can carry tremendous power
in causing a woman to feel secure in your presence.
And oddly enough, I'd go so far as to say that when YOU validate
the imminent sexual escalation, it somehow takes the responsibility
for having made the decision to "go for it" OFF of her.
See how that might work? She's simply following your lead at that
point. She can reason that you "seduced" her, so it really wasn't
her "fault" that things got so passionate.
But usually, it's a way better idea to bring out her playful side
by starting a water fight in the kitchen so she naturally feels the
FUN of sexual tension rather than the WORRY associated with it.
And it's an EVEN BETTER IDEA to concentrate on the SENSUAL rather
than the SEXUAL for a while.
Oh, man...this is like CATNIP to women.
I have to tell you. I'm got a very special module on what I call
"date replacing escapades" in The Man's Approach that's HUGELY
valuable in this area...and from the very first time you hang out
with a woman.
Consider, for example how a simple backrub can lead to the two
of you in a bubble bath together.
I think you've got a primo candidate for such in your new flight
And when you're naked together in the bathtub, don't act sexually
overwhelmed. Just soak it all in together, enjoy the conversation
and flick some bubbles at her.
Show this woman that you understand SENSUAL, and she'll
instinctively feel that you have her best interests at heart.
Then spank her on the tail when she gets out of the bathtub.
P.S. Did you get your hands on the brand new Episode #59 of
The Chick Whisperer yet? Dr. Robert Glover is my co-host, and
it's good stuff:
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