[X&Y] Why Super Intelligent Guys Have A Harder Time With Women

Published: Sat, 01/25/20

Could it be true that the more intelligent a man is the more difficult it is for him to be an effective relationship manager?

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IN THIS EDITION:  Could it be true that the more intelligent a man
is the more difficult it is for him to be an effective relationship
manager?

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ARE YOU TOO SMART FOR YOUR OWN GOOD?


I honestly believe that some men are so intelligent that their
smarts actually stand in the way of their ultimate success with
women.

Granted, I've written before about how smart guys tend to
over-analyze their way out of approach situations, etc.

But what I'm talking about here is different.  It's deeper and even
more profound because it extends to every aspect of success with
women, up to and including when it comes to selecting the right
woman and managing long-term relationships.

For example, several years ago Emily and I were wrapping up a
month-long stay in Europe with what we hoped would be a nice
dinner in London's Chinatown.

But by the time the soup dumplings made it to the table in time for
my five-year-old to gobble them up, Emily and I had already lost
our appetite.

You see, at the next table over sat a guy and his girlfriend.
Because of the somewhat "energetic" nature of their conversation,
we really couldn't help but overhear them.

Don't kid yourself.  We would have loved to sequester them into
some sort of soundproof booth like the old-school game shows
always claimed to have.

But unfortunately for us, Happy Panda Dumpling Heaven (or
whatever the restaurant was called) wasn't equipped as such.

So there we were, witness to what sounded amazingly similar to
a political debate.

The main subject of conversation, at least in his mind, revolved
around the two of them moving in together.

But she didn't want to live together.  She wanted to get married
immediately, or break up.

No problem.  He had a solution for that, which he articulated in
50-cent words that would have made Salman Rushdie jealous.

Her response?  Something to the effect of, "Alright, but I think if
you're not going to marry me then maybe we shouldn't live
together."

Even though she was voicing the very same objection in different
words, he went on explaining with perfectly crafted logic why her
suggestion would be unwise.

The cornerstone of his argument was that they hadn't really
learned to get along with each other yet, so he still needed time
to decide about when to get married.

But sure enough, he also expounded on that idea with a litany of
highly practical solutions for resolving that problem "in the near
future".

To that, she responded quietly and curtly, "But I think we argue
too much."

He quieted his tone for just a second, and reassured her that he
had a complete plan to solve that also and that she should simply
relax. (Pro tip:  Never tell a woman to "relax".)

Nevertheless, she continued.  "But your parents hate me, and my
parents aren't exactly crazy about you either.  And I don't think
any of our friends think we're any good for each other at all."

By then I sincerely thought that poking red-hot spikes into my
eyeballs would have been less painful than enduring another
second of this conversation.

But hey...I know better than to offer unsolicited advice.

In any case, you've already guessed our boy had an answer
for all of her latest objections also...with whip-like quickness.

"My love for you comes first.  I'll always choose you over my
parents, and I hope you'll do the same for me.  And our
friends?  They're only jealous."

He went on to describe in lurid detail how predictable the
psychology of human nature was with regard to all of that.

Her response?  "How do I know you really love me that much?
I mean, all we do is fight.  We don't agree on anything."

That was an understatement.  

Over the course of the next ten minutes, he was put on the spot
for "intelligent" solutions to quandaries ranging from disagreement
over hard vs. soft mattresses to whether or not they should have
kids at all, let alone how many.

Time and again, the guy repeated himself, as if she hadn't heard
him the first five times.  And yes, he grew more frustrated each
time.

But all the while, he steadfastly reminded her that her lack of
"understanding" related directly to her personal insecurity and
lack of self-esteem.  

He offered potential solutions for helping her with all that stuff
too, of course, probably in hopes that she'd pipe down and start
seeing things his way more often.

But finally, she delivered the crusher:  "Well, none of that changes
that you're [insert devout religion here] and I'm not."

I nearly threw my chopsticks into my plate of Mu Shu Pork and
raced my gag reflexes to the men's room.

With every sentence the plain truth became clearer and clearer.

Not only were these two fundamentally incompatible in every way
conceivably possible, they didn't even like each other.

The thing is, she already knew every bit of that.

In fact, it really sounded like she was giving him every "escape
hatch" he needed to bail out.

But he was too intelligent for his own good.

Over the course of his life he had grown accustomed to always
being right, and formulating a solution for literally any problem.

So his "logical" approach to his relationship with this woman (if
you can even call it a relationship) was to attempt to think
everything into a state of blissful happiness.

In reality, however, he was trying to outsmart a square peg and
make it fit into a round hole.

Ironically, any idiot could have seen that the two of them were
totally wrong for each other and any attempt at forging ahead with
a relationship could only lead to certain disaster.

It was obvious.

Only a guy who overthought the situation could possibly still find
himself in it, despite the fundamental, simple basics that were
staring everyone in the face.

For a moment there I ruminated on the idea that if this guy had
more options when it came to women, perhaps he wouldn't be
trying so hard to make such a star-crossed relationship work.

But I'm not so sure that would really matter either way. 

Ultimately, for him this really was about solving a complex puzzle
with his superior intelligence and coming out on top, as usual.

There was seriously no other option in his highly active mind.

Crazily, the woman was still following the man's lead, even into an
abyss that she already saw coming.

I have no idea how the conversation between the two of them
ended, as we finished eating and left before they did.   But I can
only hope that somewhere, somehow common sense finally
triumphed over hyper-intelligence somewhere in that guy's mind.

If so, he ran away like anyone else would have, and left the poor
girl to actually find a guy who'll get along with her and appreciate
her.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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