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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Have you ever become so focused on one woman that
you couldn't think of anything else?  Here's how to keep that from
happening ever again...

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TOP 5 SECRETS TO NOT OBSESSING OVER ONE WOMAN


You've probably heard of "one-itis".  Not to be confused with the
simple idea of pursuing an exclusive relationship, the concept at
play there is really all about obsession with one particular woman.

Obsession, of course, is the state of having allowed something or
someone to completely rule your thoughts, and probably your
actions.  It's as if your world begins to revolve around whatever
or whoever that is.

You can probably see how that is almost never a good thing.  Not
only does it crush your overall productivity in most areas of your
life, it really limits your ability to seek happiness in the
many-faceted ways you would otherwise.

Addictions to drugs or alcohol can be (and usually are) obsessions.
One can also be so obsessed with, say, rock climbing that he or
she develops a "one track mind".

And, of course, we as guys are particularly susceptible to getting
obsessed over one woman.

Often we get that way after we find a woman we're particularly
excited about and find out the sex is really good.

Crazily, some guys allow themselves to get obsessed over a woman
they've only admired from afar.

Either way, here's some "tough love" for you:  If you're vulnerable
to this sort of thing, it's in many ways a matter of immaturity
(aka, not having enough wisdom yet to fully understand and
therefore control your own behavior).

The good news there is that you really do have full control over
your nature, should you decide you really want to.  It's true.

And since obsession really only ever leads to bad things happening
(e.g. women losing attraction for you, if not getting completely
creeped out) it's high time for all of us to do something about
this profound issue.

To that end, here are five basic ways you can man up, grow up and
take the more evolved path to greater success with women.



1)  Having Options


The first, and most basic, way to keep from letting one woman
monopolize your energy is to, well, have more than one woman
available to you.

You see, I've noticed that a major factor that leads to obsession
with anyone (or anything, for that matter) is fear of loss.

Just like Snoop Dogg always has "his mind on his money and his
money on his mind", the more you think about how crappy things
would be if she wasn't in your life (or mess up the one big
opportunity to bring her into it) the more you're going to fear the
worst.

And that, my friend, is a snowball waiting to get on a roll.

Also, it's uncanny how when you think about one woman all the time
you start over-analyzing everything. You start picking apart
whatever she says or does looking for some "deeper" meaning.

Ultimately, when you combine fear of loss with "analysis paralysis"
it has a syndromic psychological effect.  What you end up with is a
state of mind where you start taking every little thing personally.

Believe me when I tell you that all of this will make you nuts with
a quickness, let alone less attractive.

Meanwhile, it's utterly amazing how simply dividing your attention
between several women (even if they're "prospective" ones at this
stage) helps you roll with the punches so much better in the dating
world.

You simply don't have the time to over-analyze every separate
woman's behavior in that case. 

Similarly, because each situation is different you're less likely
to let something one of those women says or does affect you so
profoundly--you know, as if all women may think or be that way.



2)  Tempering General Optimism With Realism


We put high value on being "positive and optimistic" in this
culture, don't we?  Ironically, as much as bad news sells on the
evening news, it most certainly does not in social situations,
right?

Well, having trained ourselves to "think the best of everyone", we
immediately want to assume that pretty women are all terrific in
every way, through and through.

Oddly, we let this notion take hold even as we have the tendency to
think negative thoughts with regard to our fortunes with them, as I
broke down for you in the previous section.

The best strategy here is to see the proverbial forest for the
trees.  Sure, it's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt,
but you can't be naïve either.

If you can get into the habit of taking every introduction with
every person you meet as a unique event that could have positive,
indifferent or--yes--non-positive results, you'll immediately be a
man who thinks clearly, makes better decisions and even garners
more respect from your peers.

You'll also waste far less energy chasing unproductive
relationships.

And yes, every bit of that goes double if you can hold your "wait
and see" frame with beautiful women.



3)  Not Idolizing Her


This one is similar to #2 above, but in a more specific rather than
general sense.  Even the crankiest, most cynical sumbitch you know
could theoretically put a beautiful woman on a pedestal.

Listen, I don't believe in "love at first sight".  I do, however,
fully understand the existence of "hope at first site".

Indeed, you can't possibly love a woman the minute you lay eyes on
her, but you can darn-skippy start laying a lot of idealistic
expectations at her feet.

All of this, of course, can go on whether she realizes it or not.

This laser-targeted optimism tends to come complete with the
requisite "halo effect".

A lot of guys are guilty of this.  It happens when a woman is just
SO hot and she just does it for them SO much that they pretty much
refuse to acknowledge that she could be fatally flawed,
fundamentally incompatible with them or anything else that's less
than perfect.

Welcome to why hotties literally get treated like royalty in this
culture.  Those of us as guys who have a hard time controlling
ourselves have pretty much insisted on it.

I exhort you to be different.  Sit back and be patient.  Require
that a woman demonstrate more holistic overall worth to you before
going "all in" on your investment.

Once you put this mindset into practice and see the direct results,
you'll never go back.  It will change your life into a far less
obsessive (and stressful) one.



4)  Changing A "Sex-Focused" Mindset


This one may come off a bit subjective or even esoteric, so hang
with me here.

When a man is only interested in "getting some" from a woman, his
animal instincts take over in lieu of logical reason.

So when a woman is viewed as pretty much a means to the end of
sexual satisfaction, it's easy to let need reign supreme.

We therefore let that particular animal instinct run wild, which in
turn opens the door to more of them getting loose.

"Obsession" would be one such animal instinct.  A caveman who wants
sex right now is going to get more and more frenzied over his lack
thereof until the desire is satisfied.

Don't be a caveman.  Develop the skill of being more disciplined
than that.

Enjoy women for the wide variety of feminine gifts they bring, and
watch yourself start looking deeper into a woman's soul before you
get all excited about her boobies.



5)  Staying Busy


Fair warning:  On the surface you're going to think this one sucks,
probably because it's part of the classic set of pointers give to
people who've just been dumped by someone.

But don't kid yourself.  Finding other stuff to do besides obsess
over one woman and your situation with her really, truly works.  In
fact, it does wonders.

The key to making this advice not sound so harsh is simply to adopt
it proactively rather than retroactively.

In other words, start getting involved with a variety of things
(and yes, other women) now instead of allowing yourself to fall
into an obsessive rut to begin with.  That's definitely the way to
go.



Here's a word of caution about the list I just shared with you.

You can't really expect any one element of the five I offered to
cure you from the tendency to obsess over a certain women.

But if you work all five of them into your way of thinking and
going about your business, I firmly believe you'll see a major
transformation take place.

Remember, once you meet the right woman it's perfectly okay to
spend a lot more emotional energy on her than ever before.  That's
a big part of what happiness in a relationship all about.

Just make sure that  1) she reciprocates, and  2) that you never,
ever let yourself slip into a mode where she becomes your "life
purpose".

That is to say, even then you can't develop a full-blown obsession
with her.

You've got to keep giving her a reason to believe in your passion
and ambition because she needs to see you as a potential provider
and protector. 

But if she's your main focus then all of the sudden she's going to
feel like it's up to her to carry you...and that won't end well.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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