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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Beautiful, cute and sexy.  Don't those words
pretty much mean the same thing?  Hardly...and knowing the
difference between them is all-important.

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BEAUTIFUL, CUTE AND SEXY...WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?


  [NOTE:  This "classic" is one of my very first newsletters EVER,
  originally published way back in 2005.  Exactly 32 readers
  received it that day, so I figured it was time for the other 61K
  of you to get in on it as well.  Enjoy...]

 
I know what you might be thinking.

"What on Earth do we need THIS newsletter for?"

If you found yourself asking just that upon reading the title, stay
tuned.  You may be in for a big surprise.

Why is that?  Simple.  Although very often used in similar
contexts, these three terms are NOT interchangeable. 

In fact, it's not only possible but also probable that a certain
person may be one or both, but not all three.

Let's break it down:



Beautiful

beau·ti·ful

adj.

1.  Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense
of sight.



The description of "beautiful" clearly points to something or
someone being "easy on the eyes".  Below the above definition on
dictionary.com, the phrase "excites aesthetic admiration" qualifies
it further. 

So when we find someone "beautiful", we are recognizing that the
person is easy to look at.  There is not necessarily anything more
to it.



Cute

cute

adj.

cut·er, cut·est

1.  Delightfully pretty or dainty.
2.  Obviously contrived to charm; precious



If a person is perceived to be charming and precious, this causes
the beholder to be enthralled and to ascribe great worth to
him/her. 

Now, notice here that the first definition specifically points to
a decidedly feminine nature that "delights".
 
This would make "cuteness" in this regard decidedly a female thing.

Notice that being "cute" is not necessarily about physical
appearance, although that can be part of it.

What it is ALWAYS about, however, is "warm fuzzies", to put it
concisely.

"Cute" women fill our hearts with emotion.  They endear us to them,
bring a smile to our faces and make us want to hug them.  (Yeah,
like a baby duck or something.)

For what it's worth, being "charming"--as per the second
definition-- is NOT gender specific.

In fact, that's exactly what would cause a man to be seen as a
"cute guy" by a woman...unless, of course, the terms are getting
crossed up here, which is exactly what we're seeking to clarify.

You might not exactly like it when women think you're "cute" if you
hear it all the time, but there are FAR WORSE things on Earth than
to inspire women to want to come over and hug you.



Sexy 
 
sex·y

adj.

sex·i·er, sex·i·est

1.  Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.



Someone who is 'sexy' inspires an animal sexual attraction.  It's
that simple.  No further explanation required.



OK, so how can we use this information?

For starters, I think it's crucial for us to know the difference
between these three and how they relate to not only ourselves but
our view of others. 

Although these concepts are clearly NOT interchangeable, they are
very much interrelated.

Know who you are and how that affects your world.  And know what
you are looking for in the dating world and understand why.
 
Simply thinking about all of this with the lights on will help you
sort these somewhat subjective concepts out for yourself, but far
be it from me to leave you without some basic thoughts:



*  I don't know how many times I've heard a cute woman say, "I
am SOOOO sick of hearing how 'cute' I am.  Why can't I be
beautiful?"


Cute is NOT a bad thing for a woman to be, as many of us already
know all too well. 

Considering the depth cuteness has relative to either "beautiful"
or "sexy" as pertaining to the entire being, I could argue that
cuteness rules over either of the other traits. 

In fact, I personally consider cuteness to be a major pointer to
both beauty and sexiness.  Not everyone is like me, but I know I
am not alone in that sentiment.



* Sexiness is a trait that is best defined by those in a position
to be sexually attracted. 


If this sounds way too obvious, think again. 

I've heard plenty of heterosexual women attempting to sort this out
with regard to other women.  Usually, they are perceiving cuteness,
beauty or even femininity as automatically sexy by default, which isn't
always true...



*  ...OR they are considering another woman and "wondering what men
see in her". 


Indeed...sexiness may very well be independent of cuteness or
physical beauty, and largely defined by archetypal, primal factors.

"Sexy" in that respect may go over the heads of heterosexual members
of the same gender.



*  It is entirely possible to be "beautiful" and yet be emotionally
uninspiring in either or both of the other two areas. 


Think of a woman you know who is indeed easy on the eyes, yet
you just don't "feel it" for her. 

You got it...that woman is neither cute nor sexy to you.  She looks
good, but isn't attractive.

For me personally, models in department store catalogs or Wal-Mart
circulars often are quintessential examples of what I am talking about
here.



*  What category or categories someone falls in is completely
subjective, of course. 


Not only do opinions vary (even if slightly) between people, but
these opinions are made purely unconsciously.  Neither men nor
women make a deliberate decision, per se, as to where to slot
someone.



To sum it up, my humble opinion is that three completely different
emotions are driven by the three respective traits discussed.

Beauty drives admiration.  Cuteness drives affection.  Sexiness
drives desire. 

Where are your priorities when it comes to all of this?  Are one
or two above the other(s)?  All three?  None of the above?  Are
you sure? 


Be Good,

Scot McKay





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