I remember taking his phone call even though I knew what it really was-a booty call.

 

"Come drive down to Palo Alto-they put me up in a nice hotel...it will be fun, baby. I know you aren't doing anything right now."

 

Ugh. Yes, I remember the exact moment I took that call. I was standing in my bedroom in Oakland, folding laundry and trying desperately to end a dead-end casual thing with a super attractive but very clearly non-committal salsa dancer/businessman who didn't even live in the area.

 

I knew over and over in my head what I should say-I should hang up. I should tell him I deserve better. I should tell him he was wrong-and yet still, I found myself somehow driving almost an hour in the middle of the night kind of like an out of body experience in a bad B-movie. 

 

Like many casual relationships, it started out fun. Sexy. Adrenaline inducing high. A bit of mystery.

 

But then, I started developing real feelings for this man. And as much as I tried to kid myself into thinking I could call the random drive in the middle of the night thing adventurous (he used to send a town car to pick me up-then it turned into me driving myself), each time I did it, I lost a little self-respect.

 

I knew better.

 

But damn, I really just hoped he would see how great I was and magically want a relationship.

 

Can you relate?

 

I remember coming back home to my apartment crying the next day because he left in the early morning to go to a "meeting" and not so subtly told me it was time for me to go.

 

I called a girlfriend and she came over and listened to me for hours and hours about how awful he was. 

 

How lame I felt for staying.

 

The whole nine yards.

 

And I'll never forget what she said.

 

She said, "Diana, the way something starts is how it continues. Don't be so surprised. You just have to forgive yourself and stop tolerating a fantasy that's all in your heard. Also, when I look around your bedroom, I just see a woman who wants to be single."

 

This was not what I was expecting...

 

She was giving me tough love.

 

She also happened to be a Feng-Shui consultant, so her comment wasn't completely out of left field but still...in that moment I just really wanted consoling.

 

She observed calming that I had one night stand in the room and so I was attracting men who wanted "one night stands!" (aka the casual wonders!)

 

That made me laugh loudly-it made so much sense and was something I had never even considered before.

 

And the statement about how things continue like they start also rung a bell.

 

If I was honest with myself, the entire partnership had started with wanting to find a salsa dance partner and the guy was totally up front with me about 1) only coming into my city once a month or so for work and 2) no desire for a relationship but we could "have fun"

 

It was sobering but I had to take responsibility for my decision to construct a fantasy that was never going to happen.

 

I'd like to tell you my relationships magically changed overnight after that conversation and that I ended it right then and there.

 

But the truth is that while sprucing up my bedroom had many many positive benefits, I also had to strengthen my own self-worth to match the new outer relationship friendly space that my friend helped me design.

 

If you relate to any part of my story, I want you know that I hear you. I see you and I know you can create whatever kind of relationship love story you want.

 

But it starts with yourself.

 

How you appreciate yourself.

 

How you talk to yourself.

 

And how you align that inner world with the outer one.

 

If you would like to blend both the inner and outer, I would love to invite you to join me in my upcoming new course, Energize Your Love Space in 18 days!

 

I am so proud to share some simple but powerful tools that bled not just Feng Shui, but also deep Soul journaling questions that can change you if you let them.

 

So that you can eliminate unnecessary obstacles in your space and attract that love that you are desiring with greater ease.

 

I want that for you! 

 

If you feel called to join us, I'll see you next week!

 

And whatever you choose to do this weekend, I hope you remember to take a moment for YOU.

 

And remember that no matter what has happened in the past, you are worthy of love.

 

xo

Diana