Most marriage advice focuses on communication. But what do you do when your spouse won’t talk?
Do you pester them until they give-in and talk about the issues?
Do you leave them alone until they’re ready to talk?
How do you resolve conflict when your spouse won’t even discuss it?
Your Spouse Doesn’t Feel Safe
The reason your spouse won’t talk with you is because they don’t feel safe, which is also why your efforts to get them to speak haven’t worked.
Maybe the way you respond when your spouse speaks to you about relationship issues has made them feel unsafe.
For instance, your spouse might avoid talking if you tend to become defensive, accusatory, or argumentative whenever marriage issues are raised.
It might also be that past relationship experiences make them feel reluctant to talk.
Whatever the case, there's only one thing to do: make your spouse feel safer.
Make Your Spouse Feel Safer
Be patient with your spouse.
Don’t pressure them.
Let them know you’re comfortable with things not happening at your pace.
Invite your spouse to talk. Inviting them to talk is letting them know you would like to talk about a certain issue whenever they’re ready.
Whereas pressuring your spouse to talk is asking questions and expecting answers instantly.
Listen to your spouse. When your spouse decides to discuss the issue, don’t interrupt or ask questions until they’ve finished speaking.
Make it safe for them to talk.
Afterwards, clarify what they said and ask your questions.
Figuring out how to heal a marriage isn’t easy when one spouse doesn’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable and discuss the issues.
It’s very important to be patient, warm, inviting and to be a good listener when discussing relationship issues.
