PERSPECTIVES: "Happiness Skills" and East Coast Gathering
Published: Fri, 03/06/15
In this Perspectives, we're picking up the theme of happiness with the second installment of "Happiness and the Michael Teachings."
INTERVIEW
Caroline Ra of spiritofthedawn.com published an interview with me:
http://www.spiritofthedawn.com/journey-of-your-soul-with-shepherd-hoodwin/
"HEALING THE GUT"
I've written a short ebook, "Healing the Gut: A Crib Sheet for Eliminating SIBO." For more information:
http://tinyurl.com/HealingGut
EAST COAST MICHAEL STUDENTS' GATHERING
I'll be attending the East Coast Michael Students' Gathering in Madison, Virginia from April 20 - 26. These events are wonderful. There are a few spaces available:
http://www.michaelgatherings.org
NEW YORK TRIP
Following that, I'll be in New York for two weeks, doing two "An Evening with Michael" channeled lectures. Suggested donation is $30 (any amount is fine):
Tuesday, April 28, 7 p.m., School for Young Artists, 31 Wittenberg Rd., Bearsville, NY 12409 (near Woodstock), (845) 679-9541, http://www.schoolforyoungartists.org/find-us
Monday, May 4, 7 p.m., TRS Professional Suite, 40 Exchange Pl. 3rd Fl (Broad/Williams) (also known as 27 William), New York, NY 10005, (212) 685-2848 http://www.trsincprofessionalsuite.com
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HAPPINESS AND THE MICHAEL TEACHINGS
By Shepherd Hoodwin
[Many thanks to Lauren Jensen for transcribing the lecture upon which this piece is based.]
PART II
HAPPINESS SKILLS
Happiness is too important to leave to chance or circumstance. I sometimes joke that I’m determined to learn to be happy even if it kills me! They say that we teach what we most want to learn. I have been giving a good deal of thought about what it takes to be happy, and by working on this series, I have been clarifying happiness for myself; I hope it aids you, too.
In Part I, we explored the mechanics of happiness. In this part, let’s look at some happiness skills. In Part III, we’ll go through the roles and overleaves, and discuss happiness as it pertains to each of them.
FRAMING OUR EXPERIENCES
The way we frame our experiences is more important to our happiness than the experiences themselves. Theoretically, one could be happy (or at least peaceful) in any situation, although obviously some are more pleasant than others.
In a situation where one person is happy and another is unhappy, what is the difference? In Part I, we defined happiness as the free and refined expression of self. The first person’s energy moves freely, to the extent possible, whereas the second person’s doesn’t. We saw that judgmentalness is one way we contract and block our energy flow; perhaps he judges his situation rather than embracing it as it is. There may be good reasons he doesn’t like it — maybe it’s not a good fit for him. However, if it’s not possible for him to leave or change it for the time being, he will be happier if he avoids contracting and gives whatever he can into it, framing it in the most positive possible way consistent with truth. The commitment to make the best of every situation and learn as much as possible from every lesson goes a long way toward creating happiness.
In these kinds of discussions, people often pose hypotheticals such as “What would you do in such-and-such a (dire) situation?” Translation: “You couldn’t possibly be happy under those circumstances.” One would not be happy about a negative circumstance, but those with strong happiness skills don’t predominantly derive their happiness from external events — they could still be happy in them.
As to “What would you do?” — it isn’t always possible to know ahead of time exactly what the right thing to do would be in a future situation, but the better our problem-solving skills, the happier we are likely to be — they give us more confidence in our ability to handle whatever comes, and that brings greater equanimity. It’s still possible to be happy even when we’re in over our heads, especially if we acknowledge that and set about gaining skills and enlisting help. In any case, if we exercise whatever creative problem-solving capacities we have and fully use our power of choice, we’ll take the most effective actions available to us.
Being happy isn’t so much about what we do per se; it’s more about our inner state. If we observe others doing harm and have the power to stop them, of course we would do that. If we can’t, we would at least get out of the way if we’re smart. If we take whatever action we choose with compassion, our life force continues to flow. If we have contempt, we stop its flow. If we view them as “other” – fundamentally different from us — we contract. If we see them as part of us, we expand. It is possible to effectively stop those doing harm and, at that same moment, have compassion for both the perpetrators and their victims. Happiness comes from how we do what we do, not necessarily what we do per se. Two people can take what appear to be the same actions, but with different intents, the energies and results are different.
Embracing “what is” is not the same as liking everything that happens. We naturally have preferences. We might say, for example, “I would really prefer not to be murdered. I took a lot of trouble setting up this lifetime and I don’t want to have to do it over again!” That’s perfectly reasonable. It is also perfectly reasonable to take actions to stop someone from murdering us or someone else. That is part of our right to choose, just as we have the right to form karma (although we avoid that if our intention is to get off the karmic wheel and be happy). Making laws to protect against violations is part of our collective right to choose. We stop the flow of our being only when we make a judgment that things aren’t the way they should be when they are the way they are. It is an exercise in futility and a waste of time to resist how things are, because the present moment already exists and can’t be changed — it’s moving into the past. It’s
a better investment of our energies to focus instead on changing the next moment, not through resistance but by creating a more positive future through what we bring to this one.
GIFTS
One of the great happiness skills is recognizing the strengths behind behaviors, even if they are currently expressed in an immature way.
Let’s say that someone is detail oriented — that’s a gift. An immature or negative expression of that can be neurotic — obsessive/compulsive, for instance. It brings tension because it’s too contracted. If he struggles with it and judges himself for being that way, he will become even more contracted, because judgmentalness contracts. Instead, if he accepts himself as he is, appreciating his detail-orientation as the gift that it is, he can relax with it and let it expand into equilibrium. He can find the place of “not too much and not too little,” the balance point where the details he focuses on are those that will add something beneficial, letting go of the things that will not. This requires developing objective discernment: the ability to disconnect, step back, and observe rather than being blindly driven by the need for everything to be “perfect.”
Some people are big-picture oriented. That’s a gift, too — they can see the forest for the trees. Detail-oriented people generally focus on quality, and big-picture-oriented people, on quantity. We need both. Detail-oriented people polish works of art to a fine finish, making them more enjoyable. You probably want a detail-oriented person writing (or at least editing) what you read, so that it’s not full of typos and unclarities that make reading more difficult. On the other hand, you probably want a big-picture-oriented person as a general contractor, someone who can keep a project moving smoothly. Ideally, big-picture-oriented people are balanced enough to occasionally slow down and inspect details when necessary, even though their preference might be to quickly plow through tasks. It’s all about balance — balance is a key happiness word — but the balance is in a different place for different people.
Some people are gifted with sensitivity. In order not to be frequently in pain, they may also need to develop strength. Those whose gift is strength may need to learn greater sensitivity so as not to use their strength in a ham-fisted manner.
Everyone has many gifts. A being doesn’t become evolved enough to incarnate as a human without extraordinary amounts of development over aeons. Unfortunately, we usually take them for granted and don’t acknowledge them. Look for the gifts in those around you and express appreciation for them, especially to those who believe they don’t have any. All our behaviors ultimately come from our gifts, whether in a mature, refined manner, or a crude, unpolished manner. By recognizing what our gifts are, we can evolve them.
RESPECTING EMOTIONS
All emotions exist for a reason and have a place. Most spiritual and religious teachings have advocated denying unpleasant emotions because they didn’t know what else to do with them (although this is beginning to change). Denied emotions are still there, so denial isn’t helpful toward creating real happiness. Embracing our emotions as part of “what is,” along with everyone else, is the place to begin. Feel them fully. Observe them. What information do they give us? Are there any actions we need to take? Is there a part of us needing healing? When we’ve done all we can for now, we can let them go and move on. If they aren’t done, they will come up again later to be embraced and understood from a higher vantage point.
When we experience violation, whether real or imagined, we naturally feel some combination of anger and fear. Anger moves toward it to try to stop it; fear moves away from it when stopping it doesn’t seem possible. They are two sides of one coin, the masculine and feminine aspects of self-protection. Like yin/yang, fear is inside anger, and anger is inside fear. They can be useful in the presence of a threat, but problematic when stored long-term. Examining all our stored anger and fear, integrating their lessons, and releasing them will probably take a lifetime or more, but it is well worth doing, lightening our load and increasing our capacity for happiness.
LIFE SKILLS
Ultimately, every life skill can contribute to our happiness. Communication skills, for example, can help us navigate the minefields of the world with more grace. If we can make our needs and feelings known to others in a positive way that doesn’t put others on the defensive, we are more likely to resolve conflicts and create a better life.
Those who are growing consciously are constantly improving their life skills. Having enough skill and inner resources to handle what life brings us can help us relax and enjoy the ride. When life shows us that our skills and resources are lacking, that’s the perfect time to work on developing them.
UNDERSTANDING OUR DIFFERENCES
The Michael teachings help us understand why we’re each the way we are, the forces operating in our lives. That helps us release judgments of self and others. We are each perfect as we are, a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses on the path of evolution. Without such understanding, we tend to assume that others are just like us, only wrong. Why don’t they like the same things we do? Why do they behave in ways we never would? It turns out, there are a lot of good reasons, and the Michael teachings illuminate some pivotal ones.
POSITIVE POLES
The happiness cornerstone of the Michael teachings is being in our positive poles more often and reducing our chief obstacle (aka chief feature — our biggest blind spot). As we do that, we gradually become happier people.
The positive poles are where those traits are in alignment with love, truth and beauty. They’re coming through in a free and refined way. In the negative pole, they are frozen by fear (and anger) in contraction or expansion.
When we walk, our muscles expand and contract; if they didn’t, we couldn’t move — we’d be a blob. We need contraction as well as expansion, and we need to easily go back and forth between them. When a muscle is chronically contracted and can’t move back into expansion, it hurts — it’s stiff and sore. If it’s chronically expanded, it’s slack.
Most of our negative pole habits come from past experiences when we didn’t have better tools — we didn’t know more skillful, happier ways to deal with our challenges. The goal of acceptance, for example, is ultimately about finding unconditional love and acceptance for all things, but it’s also about learning to behave in ways that are acceptable to other people. That’s implies developing social skills, being considerate, trying to do what others want sometimes and not have it be all about “me.” It’s very useful to the whole that thirty percent of us are working on this; otherwise, our social structures wouldn’t hold together. However, when we’re fearful that we’re not being accepted, we become ingratiating, trying too hard to be liked and desperately afraid that if we’re not, we’ll die. That’s a childish manifestation of the energy of acceptance. Earlier in life, especially, we may not know any better — our skills are naturally limited
— but as we bring more consciousness to our negative poles, we can release old habits and evolve higher and higher versions of our overleaves.
BALANCING TRUE REST, PLAY, STUDY, AND WORK
We all have activities that are particularly restful for us — they rejuvenate us. Some activities are true play for us — they ground us and make us glad to be alive. Our true study is areas of learning that particularly nourish us intellectually. And our true work fits especially well with who we are and our life task. Having an adequate amount of each, in balance, is vital to our happiness.
Some people need more rest, while others require more play (sages need more play than the other roles). And some people are quick to neglect rest, play, or study when they get overly busy with their work. Covering all these bases each week adds to our happiness.
LIFE TASK
Each of us chose a life task before incarnating, and created a life plan to help us achieve it, as well as everything else on our “to do” list. We made agreements with other souls to help us accomplish them. When we intuitively sense and follow the direction of our soul, staying on our path, we’re more likely to fulfill those agreements and complete our tasks. Life then goes more smoothly.
This doesn’t mean we should blindly act on superficial feelings. That is a recipe for being tossed hither and yon. Staying on our path requires deep listening and wisdom, being a full, conscious collaborator with our soul. It does mean not letting our mind talk us out of what we know so that we go against the grain of self. If we examine our assumptions about what we should or have to do, we might find that they don’t necessarily hold water.
NINE NEEDS
The Michael teachings defines nine needs that we all have but prioritize differently based on what we most need in order to accomplish our life task. They are: security, adventure, freedom, expansion, power, expression, acceptance, communion, and exchange. Being aware of our priorities in this regard can help us be happier. For example, if you have a high adventure need, make sure that you have plenty of opportunity for adventure in your life, however you define that.
EVOLUTION
Michael teaches that evolution is a slow, gradual, incremental process. At least it seems slow to us. From the Tao’s point of view, it’s neither slow nor fast — it’s just what it needs to be. Even before our first lifetime on Earth, we had already evolved an enormous amount as a spark of the Tao. We are very large and complex, and there are a lot of layers involved in our evolution. It is not just our intellect that must learn, but all parts of us. If you are driving a large truck, turning it around will take longer than if you’re driving a small car because there is more to turn.
Evolution is slower than it needs to be when we are blocked and blundering through life asleep. Being more conscious speeds up growth to a certain point, but at best, it still might not be as fast as we would like. Change can sometimes come quickly, but it can also take decades to make a dent in our major life issues. They would not be major life issues if they were easy; when their roots go deep, we have to address them one level at a time.
If you have been on the path of conscious growth for many years and could put who you were at age twenty next to who you are now, you would probably be astounded at how much you’ve grown. If you at age twenty had somehow been able to jump to where you are now, you would have been on cloud nine because of the huge rush. However, while it’s happening, our growth is usually so gradual that we don’t notice it. We tend, instead, to focus on all of the things that are still not yet what we want them to be.
Validation is an important word in the Michael teachings. If we can validate how far we’ve come, it helps us to be more patient with ourselves and the process. Notice when you’ve handled something better than you might have a year ago. No one gets to be a concert pianist or a conscious human overnight. If we consistently practice everyday, we’ll get there. We can find happiness in incremental improvements.
MODELING LOVE
Recognizing that something in ourselves is not the most that we can be opens us to being more. When we compare it to our best models, we then have something we can strive to match. Doing this continually is the spiritual path.
The most important thing that any of us can do if we wish to help the planet is to be an example of what love, truth, and beauty look like, to the best of our ability. When people don’t see positive role models around them, they don’t know how to live a positive life. We all learn through role models. We need role models for happiness as well as for all the other qualities of essence. Most people don’t know what they look like. What do we see on television? Where are role models for kindness, for example? Many so-called reality shows model meanness, selfishness, and manipulation — and glorify them. We need to see beautiful human beings. When we model qualities of essence, we have more impact than we know. Others don’t usually tell us that they silently observe and take notes — that we made a difference — but those who are hungry for something higher do notice.