[Our Transitioning Times] What If “You Had Never Been Born?”

Published: Wed, 12/21/22

 

Welcome
 

Dear Readers:

If you have been paying close attention this month to both the quote on the Absolute Transitions, LLC website, and the blog from last week, my focus for December has been learning from your past. While I am in a profession which is very much about moving clients forward to the future and the next great steps they are to take in their life, I have spent much of 2022 doing some past reflecting within my own life. You may ask me, why so?

Like many, I can easily get discouraged from a lot of what is front and center in today’s world. Many news articles or media messages come with negative themes.  he narrative is often that in order to prove that your view or point is the right one, you must marginalize or talk or present negatively about those that have different views. From politics, to current events, too often permeating family gatherings, this is not how I remember things being as I was growing up. Please understand, I am not saying that everything was perfect. Certainly, the human condition is to often remember the good, while looking to set aside the bad.  However, my past experiences did not seem as volatile to what surrounds me in the world of today.

When pondering that for myself, why do I believe my feelings about the past versus the present to be the way they are? One realization I had, was how my Dad and Mom raised me, my 2 sisters and my brother. My parents were blue collar individuals who taught us to be kind and respect others. They just did not teach it, they modeled it. In thinking about things further, I realized that I was not much different than the friends I grew up with, in the blue-collar town where I was raised. I am fortunate to see many of them today during the year at different functions that bring us together. While we do not see each other regularly, you would think we are picking up from when we were back in grade school and high school.

I see it in the music that I listen to on the radio, (much of it from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. When I occasionally go “overboard,” I will listen to selections from the 1980’s or 1990’s.) It also shows in the videos I may view on YouTube, going back to clips from “late-night television” from my younger days, or classic comedy routines, that I remember line for line, even though I may not have seen them in over 25 or more years.  

When deciding what to write for my December newsletter, I had one of these “past reflections,” in thinking of an appropriate topic about which to write. As we were in the early stages of the Christmas season, as I was sitting down to write this month’s communication, I thought of the Christmas memories that I had. Some of them involved the holiday specials that I would watch on television. One of the favorites of many people is the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life.” In recent years I have begun to watch it annually with my wife, Carolina, who taped it off her VCR many years ago. (Yes, we still have VCR tapes, and a VCR player that works to play them).  

Of course, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” is the story of George Bailey, who spends his whole life in the town in which he grew up. While he has dreams of “seeing the world,” he winds up because of life circumstances running the family “Savings and Loan” business that helps so many of the members of his town. At a key point in the movie, a mishap by George’s uncle at the bank leaves the Savings and Loan vulnerable to its depositors, and leading George to consider suicide. The ultimate line in the movie that George utters and which becomes the premise for his life learning lesson and realization of the value he brings to others is “I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!” Through the help of his Guardian Angel, George gets to see what the world would be like if he had not been there throughout his life. 

That is when it came to me. One of the things that as a job coach I impress on my clients is to look back at that career experiences and their life as a series of accomplishments. What problems did they help solve for the company where they worked?  How did they best serve clients? How can they best explain to others, (generally the person or organization that they are looking to hire them next), how the actions they took, best helped another.

So, to close out our year of Absolute Transitions, LLC, newsletters for 2022, in our main feature, we will take a somewhat “light-hearted,” yet serious look, at how to best present yourself when looking to show the value you bring to those you are meant to serve. As usual, if you have any questions or items you would like to discuss with me, please feel free and reach out to me at
[email protected] or call me at (201) 306-9811. I look forward to hearing from you.

Tony Calabrese

www.absolutetransitions.com
[email protected]
(201) 306-9811


What If “You Had Never Been Born?” 
 

When I first connect with a new client, one of the items that usually comes up early in our conversation is their resume. For several of them, they may have not needed to think about their resume and the message it is conveying for many years. Additionally, that often means they have not looked to update the messages that are conveyed on their Linked In profile, or the verbal messaging they present when asked the question, “So, tell me about yourself?” When I look at their written documentation, or hear their oral presentation, it is often focused on a list of tasks for which they have been responsible in their job. It is rare when it conveys “the value” their skills brought to the employers for whom they worked or the customers they served.

As we proceed, I will introduce them to the concept of “An Accomplishment Based Resume.” This is based on the concept that in the roles they have been in, (whether on their job, or even in the living of their life), they faced challenges or problems, took action steps and ideally as a result of those action steps they POSITIVELY IMPACTED the individuals who benefitted from the actions that they took. Often, I will hear such comments as, “I was only doing my job” or “I have always been skilled or found that easy to do.” However, have you every taken the time to think what may have happened if you were not there to take the actions that you did to make something of which others depended on you to get right, successful? While it may be easy to say, “Well, someone else would have done it.,” would they have done so with the same care, the same attention to detail, or the same results as you? It gets back to the question we brought up in our opening this month, and in the title of this piece, what would have happened in terms the accomplishments that you brought to fruition if “You Had Never Been Born?”

As George Bailey learned in “It’s a Wonderful Life”, we all have our special talents, skills, and gifts that we bring to those items of which we are a part, that make us unique in how we serve and help others. If you remember from the movie, George saved his brother from drowning when he was young when he fell between cracked ice while playing one winter. His brother went on to become a military hero. Or, how George helped the pharmacist where he worked not provide a customer an improper medication that would have killed the customer, if he had filled the prescription request incorrectly. There were hundreds in his hometown that were able to buy their first home from the loans his company provided. And, most of all, he kept the town where he lived a charming village where to live, as opposed to a site for a greedy developer to make all the businesses and property be to his benefit to only extort from the towns people.

When we get around to the point of expressing what they have done in their work and in their life in the form of Accomplishment statements, I generally have a few words of advice for my clients. First, for those who are hesitant to do so, I indicate please do not look at what you are about to record as a form of bragging. Instead, you are looking to provide a message to those who are reading your resume, or who are having a discussion with you in the form of an interview, to get an understanding of the skills you provide, the items you enjoy doing for others, and the special care you take in serving their customers. Secondly, I suggest to them that if they have saved past performance reviews of their work, or comments they have received, see exactly what those with whom they worked or whom sent them a letter of thanks indicated what they exactly brought to the jobs or services they provided. Third, I recommend looking back on their entire life, not just the jobs they have had, but perhaps as they were growing up during their school years, or even in their current life the activities in which they get involved. What roles do they seem to commonly take on? What makes such roles enjoyable to them? How often are they asked to perform those roles?

We all have our special talents that make us unique.  There are certain skills and tasks we enjoy using and which come to the forefront when we look to be of aid to others.  And, whether you have looked back on your life through self-reflection, or through the eyes of a Guardian Angel, (and if you have never seen “It’s a Wonderful Life,” you will need to do so), remember you have talents and skills that benefit others.  Do not be afraid of using them, and even letting others know how you would love to do so to help them accomplish what they need in their life or their business.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all, and please feel free to connect if I can be of help to you as you move forward in your life’s journey. 


 
 
About
 

December 2022 - Closing Thoughts

Stuck on an issue that you can’t move forward with in your life? Not sure what steps to consider taking in your job search? Absolute Transitions offers 1-hour complimentary consultations to any individual who wants to learn more about life or career (job search) coaching. You can take advantage of this offer by signing onto www.absolutetransitions.com and clicking the Complimentary Coaching Consultation tab. Or you can call me at 201-306-9811 to discuss. I’d love to hear from you.

Absolute Transitions coaching also continues to offer two very popular complimentary e-Courses. The course entitled “5 Key Steps in Searching for Your Next Job” is invaluable to those currently in job search or considering changing careers. “Overcoming Obstacles to Change Your Life” provides participants five choices on how to deal with conflict situations which come into their life. Sign into the www.absolutetransitions.com website to sign up by filling in your name and email in the appropriate sign-up boxes on the right hand side of the page.

If you are looking to move your career forward, suddenly find yourself out of a job or under employed, look to get help in your search. While a career coach is one option, there are several outstanding support groups likely to be in your area. Whether held at your local library, run by a church or by your state Department of Labor, don’t go through a job search alone. Those in search find that having support, (often just from other job seekers), helps to move a search forward in a productive manner. Another thing to keep in mind, has been since the advent of the COVID 19 crisis, many of these groups offer their sessions virtually, online.

If you have recently moved to an area, especially if you are accompanying a family member or friend who has moved due to a job transfer, consider your own needs. There is a lot to consider when you are the “accompanying partner.” There are acclimation issues, job search issues, settling children in school, etc. If you would like to discuss the type of support you likely may need, feel free to reach out to me, and I would be glad to discuss with you.

In the last year, I have been introduced to an outstanding new assessment tool of which I am a distributor. Known as the “Absolute Transitions Career Values Assessment,” it is based on 7 sciences. The tool provides those who take it feedback on their top 7 work values, if any of those values are out of alignment in their current life, the types of ways they work best, and the types of work environments which may be best for them. Please reach out to me at the email or phone numbers below to learn more.

If you have any questions on any of the material in this issue or a suggestion for a topic you would like to see covered in a future edition, please contact Tony at 201-306-9811 or reach out to him at [email protected], and he would be happy to discuss it with you.

Look for the next issue of “Our Transitioning Times” coming to you on January 18, 2023.



Absolute Transitions, 14M Highland Place, Maplewood, NJ 07040, USA
 


 
Tony Calabrese
Absolute Transitions
http://absolutetransitions.com


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