Hi ,

As a coach who has been practicing for almost 20 years now, I have noticed a familiar pattern with many of my clients. They often come from backgrounds where their emotional needs as children were not met. This is from a variety of reasons: childhood neglect and trauma, having parents who were self-absorbed, narcissistic, alcoholic, or otherwise preoccupied, abandonment, and physical or sexual abuse.

No one has a perfect childhood and most of us experience some wounding as children. Unfortunately as we get older, if we don’t attend to these wounds, they continue to act out in our lives and often show up in our relationship with food.

Bingeing and emotional eating can be attempts to keep painful feelings at bay. People who suffered emotional neglect as children often turn into adults who emotionally neglect themselves. They turn to food as an attempt to nurture themselves but since food isn’t what they’re really hungry for it can never be enough.

Overeating and staying overweight can also be a way of punishing themselves. They may suffer from feelings of "not being good enough" and being “unlovable” that originated in their childhoods. Now as adults they won’t allow themselves to be truly happy and to really shine. To do so would be dropping the battle with the parent that made them feel that way and betraying that parent.  

I have found that in cases like this Inner Child work can work wonders to restore a loving connection to the inner child. This was crucial in my own binge eating recovery.

What is the inner child?

Your inner child is your original and emotional self that was formed in childhood. Our beliefs and world view are formed by 3 to 5 years old. Your inner child is the source of your vitality, creativity, and emotional world. It has great gifts and strengths but due to childhood experiences this part of ourselves gets wounded,and often becomes repressed and stunted in its development.

Some signs your inner child needs healing are:

• You’re a people pleaser
• You’re not in touch with your feelings
• You’re impulsive with food and other things
• You are filled with self-doubt
• You let your feelings run the show
• You have difficulty saying no and setting boundaries
• You don’t let other people in

Often when it comes to our food choices, our inner child is running the show. She is running amok and is out of control. To truly transform your relationship with food you need to become a loving, nurturing adult to your inner child. A healthy adult can set limits and boundaries around food as well as other things.

In some cases, especially where there was abuse and trauma, therapy may be needed. But many people can benefit from doing inner child work on their own or with a coach.