You can be happily married and love your spouse to the moon and back
but still find things about them that annoy you.
Maybe they chew loudly, snap their gum, leave dirty clothes on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink, or make silly jokes that aren't funny but you laugh anyway.
Should you
ignore these pet peeves and sweep them under the rug? You can try, but your irritation will boil over sooner or later.
Besides, your spouse will probably sense something is bugging you anyway.
The last thing you want is for
your patience to run out and you erupt in anger all over your spouse.
Understand Why You’re Annoyed
It's about you, not them.
The real reason why you’re irritated is because your partner isn't living up to the standard(s) you hold yourself to.
This is why you often find yourself thinking, “I would never do that so why are they doing it?”
You're projecting your self-judgment onto your partner.
Is this a problem? Not if your standards are reasonable.
But if you're controlling or are a perfectionist, or are insecure
about your own quirks, chances are you’ll be intolerant of your spouse’s shortcomings.
You must first understand why you’re irritated and whether your spouse’s actions warrant such a reaction to help determine what you do next.
Otherwise you're just being harsh and exacting.
Share your Pet Peeves...Maybe
Your spouse would probably try to stop doing those things that bother you, if they
knew.
This is tricky because some things just aren't worth bringing up.
But if it's that important to you and you decide to bring it up, consider this advice:
Be objective and focus on the issue at hand when sharing your pet peeves with your partner.
How does this work?
It means don't use statements
such as “you always do this _____.”
Instead, be gracious and kind as you bring up a specific and recent instance when your spouse did something that you don’t like.
Have a potential solution in mind - like remembering a
similar situation where they did the "right" thing; let them know that's what you prefer.
Reciprocate The Courtesy
Don't make this all about them; there are things about you that annoy them,
too.
Ask them if there's anything you do that they'd like to see you change or stop doing.
If you can't enter this conversation with an open heart and mind to receive their criticism, then don't have the conversation at
all.
Finally, acknowledge their loving attitude and effort to change; offer positive affirmation because you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So be honey not vinegar.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker,
and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!