Has your spouse ever said something hurtful that you tried to ignore and brush off but couldn't? 

After letting it eat you up inside for a couple days, you can't take it anymore and say something, only to find out that what you thought they said, isn't what they meant.

Misunderstandings like this happen all the time in marriage.

Why?

Because of the illusion of sameness.  

Spouses tend to assume words and actions have the exact same emotional meaning to both of them. 

They assume that since they know what their partner means they don't need any clarification.

Misunderstandings are like small holes in a ship. 

They're not a big deal at first but sink the ship if left unattended. 
 

Every couple should use a communication style that prevents and resolves misunderstandings effectively.

Your Partner is Your Ally

Remind yourself that your spouse isn't your enemy. 

They wouldn't intentionally say or do something to hurt you.

Therefore, thou shalt not assume, but ask for clarification when they say or do something hurtful.

Don’t accuse them of anything; just ask what they meant.

Listen to what your partner has to say and be inclined to believe them by giving them the benefit of the doubt. 

After all, they know what they meant; trust them.

Unless your partner has a history of dishonesty, there’s really no reason why you shouldn’t believe their explanation.

Apologize If Necessary

If necessary, apologize for misunderstanding them. 

This is important because your spouse may be hurt that you think they would intentionally say or do something to hurt you. 

And do this EVEN if you don’t get an apology from them.

Finally, Let It Go 

Once you’ve cleared up the misunderstanding, don’t bring it up again. Drop it.

Although these tips will clear up any misunderstandings, they won’t prevent them. 

To do that, you’ll need to let go of your preconceptions about your spouse’s behavior. 

Get used to asking questions, and repeat what you hear back to them. 

This is the single most effective tool for communication in marriage.

Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!