Do you ever feel like testing your spouse to see how committed they are to you and the marriage? 

But, is testing your spouse a good idea?   

According to an online poll by a dating website, there’s a 46 percent chance that your significant other will fail whatever test you set up for them.

Why we Test our Partners

Testing is an indirect way of asking for what you need.

The reason why you're tempted to test your partner instead of asking is because it guards your vulnerability and protects you from being outright rejected.

In other words, it keeps you from getting hurt.

What feels safer, testing your partner’s commitment to the marriage or letting them know you’re having doubts?

Exactly. Testing them.

It’s also easier to rationalize your partner failing a test than rationalizing your partner saying “no” to your request.

Ask, Don’t Test

Whatever information you hope to get by testing your spouse can be gotten easily by asking them. 

"But what if they don't tell me the truth... what if they deny or lie or make something up?"

That's certainly possible. 

The first thing I'd do is seek the Lord in prayer for wisdom and discernment before talking to them. 

And, then, once the conversation is over, if I felt they weren't being completely honest, I'd be aware and observe their words and actions to see if they match. 

The Bible says to be wise as serpents but harmless as doves; it doesn't say to be naive and stick your head in the sand and believe everything someone tells you.

The Bible also says, "By their fruit you shall know them."

(If you're concerned they might be deceiving you, here's an interesting article on how to spot a liar in a relationship.)

Whatever is in the heart, finds it's way into the "real" world eventually. 

So, the next time you feel the urge to test your spouse, stop and ask yourself, “What do I want to know?”

Next, ask yourself “how am I feeling?” 

*** Those feelings are what you need to share with your spouse, instead of testing them. 

Sure it'll be a little scary. And, yes, of course you don't want to make things worse or create a problem that doesn't exist. 

I get it. 

But sharing your feelings and talking about things creates less pain in the long run.

Sharing your feelings is the best way to let your spouse know you're having doubts about their love or commitment without actually accusing them of anything.

It's common, even natural, to have moments of insecurity when you need a little reassurance from your spouse. 

However, how you go about getting that reassurance can make or break a happy marriage. 

Being honest and direct is healthier for you and your marriage in the long run.

Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!