Who wants a marriage where every little decision turns into a battle or every suggestion is rejected?

Sometimes all you want is for your spouse to acknowledge your view point and agree with you once-in-a-while!

But can you persuade them to agree without nagging, badgering or sulking? 

What do you do when “rational” explanations fail to convince your partner of your perspective?

Change your Approach

For starters, if your entire argument begins or ends with “I think it’s a good idea” then it pretty weak. 

No offense.

When making an opinion, people factor in their own interests, the pros and cons of the decision, and how they feel about the person making the request and the request itself. 

Like it or not, your spouse will tend to be more agreeable on days they feel good about you versus days when the vibes aren't so positive.

This is why logical arguments don’t always work.

One way to influence your partner is to appeal to their self-interest - how will this benefit them? What's the win-win? 

If this decision affects your kids, explain how they’ll also benefit from the decision. 

This technique is especially useful for financial decisions.

Another way to influence your spouse is by honoring and respecting their point of view. 

Even when your spouse doesn't think or feel their option is best, they still want to feel heard and acknowledged. It's a little thing called respect.  

Validate your spouse's feelings and lower their defenses by echoing what they're saying so they know you understand and appreciate where they're coming from. 

If your efforts to persuade fail, put the ball in their court. 

Have an open mind and teachable spirit by asking why they don’t think it’s a good idea because maybe it is maybe it isn't. 

This invites your partner to evaluate their thoughts and feelings regarding the issue and to explore your point of view.

While these tips can help you influence and persuade your partner, it’s important to remember that you can’t win every argument.

When it comes to communication in marriage, you have to pick your battles. 

If you use these persuasion techniques and your spouse still doesn’t agree with you, it’s time to come to a compromise that honors both of your opinions.
 

Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!