Hi
Three months ago, I was diagnosed with autism ... but I'd consciously suspected it for about a year ... and I think maybe just possibly wondered in the very back of my mind and deepest recesses of my heart if I might be autistic for a number of years.
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Looking back to 1984, when I had dandelions in my wedding, specifically picked for me by Roy Franz, a little boy in my church ... I think that was prophetic. Not in
the fore-telling sense of what will happen in the future, but in the forth-telling sense: "There's something different about me. Something that others see as a weed and they want to eradicate it, but it's something God created and it's actually a very pretty, sweet-smelling flower."
I didn't think that at the time, but I wonder if God put that desire to have dandelions there, so I could look back and see that He was already saying that long before I knew.
Whether something is a weed or a flower is all in the mind of the beholder.
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That's how I look at autism.
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I'm trying to occasionally share about autism for a few reasons:
1) Because it's a huge relief to me to find out I'm autistic (in the past year), and human beings like to share good things with their friends. Besides that, friends like to learn about each other. It makes our relationships more interesting and helps our friendships to run more smoothly if we understand each other. Especially in an area like this that not only makes us different from each other, but causes us to have different thought processes from one another. Being conscious of those
differences helps to prevent misunderstandings ... or at least help clear them up more easily.
2) Because female autistics* are often misunderstood. We're different from our male counterparts. It used to be very rare that a girl/woman was diagnosed as autistic because only boys had been studied. "Very few girls show a penchant for trains and train schedules, therefore it's rare for a girl to be autistic." Hmmm. It's taken years for people to realize that women are not just small men. It's important to understand that my sharing is from the perspective of a female autistic.* Like every
other kind of person, no two of us are exactly alike, but we have some shared traits that come from the way our brain works which is different from others.
3) There may be others out there like me who are hurting and would really be helped by recognizing themselves in something I write, or who see in themselves a similarity to what I share.
4) I would like to help normalize autism/remove the stigma. There are many more of us than you know and the more you understand about autism, the less you'll fear us or think that we're distasteful or subhuman. It's not a bad thing, though it can cause trouble for us when we don't know that we're different and when others don't take that into account -- which is most definitely the case when you don't know that you're autistic. We have unique gifts that are not put to use because we're so busy
trying to be "normal" (which usually involves trying to quench those gifts, by the way).
5) Because I believe God allows me to have experiences (abuse, depression, single motherhood, Lyme, suffering, death of a spouse) so that I can give a voice to those who may not be able to talk about it, but deserve to have a voice.
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I've long held the belief (and written about it) that the desire to be like everyone else is a temptation from the devil himself. Literally.
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God has made each of us unique. No one else in creation has the same combination of personality, gifts, talents, skills, resources, experiences, desires, etc that
you have! You have a God-given special role in the history of the world that no one -- NO ONE! -- else can fulfill. Satan doesn't want you to fulfill God's purpose for you and one of the ways he tries to thwart that is through the very strong pressure to fit in. At the same time, there's a God-given desire to belong. Satan twists that into negative peer pressure and bullying. He tries very hard to get us to reject people who are "different" ... and that translates into pressure from humans not
to be ourselves.
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Having the diagnosis (aka label) of autism has been extremely helpful for me.
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It's been validating, for one thing. I've always known that I was not normal, but felt that the ways I was not normal were bad. (I don't like to be like everyone else, but that's a different thing.)
I've known most of these characteristics about myself and have always seen them as bad because that's how they were said to me and I believed people. Too sensitive. Too literal. Too intense. Too curious. Too emotional. I think too much. I'm too analytical. I'm too obsessed. (What's with that obsession with bar graphs???) Too nerdy. Too ... too ... too. Too much for people! I've spent my life trying to overcome those things about myself, thinking I'm a bad person because I'm "too," trying to
figure out what people mean, trying to read between the lines instead of being literal (and often coming up with something that isn't there), trying to hide the things that I was "too". Ugh! It's exhausting. Trying to be open and transparent because that's what God has particularly called me to, but also trying to cover up the things that offend people about me. Not trying to lie, and trying to be transparent because I know that's my calling ... but trying to not offend. Because what I heard
(maybe not what people meant) was that I AM OFFENSIVE. And to some people, I do think that's what they meant: I'm offensive and if I must exist, at least please stop being "too".
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Having the categorization of autism and knowing that it's the way God made me, not a disorder or disease or something wrong with me, has helped so much. "Too ..."?
According to whom? According to people I could be just as rude and describe as "insensitive," "not truthful," "too dull," "not thinking enough," if I wanted to, but it didn't occur to me to do that because I'm so freakishly compliant that I believe people when they say things about me that aren't true. ("Rebellious" was one of those things ... It never made sense to me because in each of those cases, I was doing EXACTLY what I was told to do. But for most of my life, if I couldn't understand why
someone was saying something about me that wasn't true, I figured they were smarter than me and I just needed to believe them even if I couldn't see it. It actually has been very traumatic and damaging.) "Too" is a comparison word used to put me down. The label "autistic" has helped me understand that I'm normal ... just a different normal from some other people ... and there are a lot more of us than people think. I am not "too".
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I'm Autistic, Hear Me Roar?
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Get it? DandeLION? Roar? (Groan)
I feel like I should end with something rousing, like "Autistics* of the World, Arise!" LOL. But though I want to be revolutionary, I have no desire to start or be part of a revolution. So ... Autistics* of the World, Be Your God-Created Selves!
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*Autistics vs Persons With Autism
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*I'm saying "autistics" rather than persons with autism intentionally. I understand that some people are offended by that. (If you're one of the people who told me that, no you didn't offend me. You made me think it through, which was good.) For me, it's the opposite. For me, "persons with
autism" sounds like it's a disease or a disorder or a disability. It's decidedly not. For me, being autistic is part of who I am, part of what God created me to be, not something I have; just as I'm human, not "an animal with higher thinking skills;" a writer, not a "person with a pen," and a woman, not a "person with breasts." If someone wants to say "person with autism" I will choose not to be offended and I will respect your perspective and your reasons for saying it that way. Try not to be
offended by my choice, please. If possible, maybe you can still hold your position, but respect mine.
Besides ... my last paragraph above would have been extra awkward if I'd said "Persons with Autism of the World Arise ..." don't ya think?
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Book about Female Autism that I highly recommend
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This is a really fun book to read and wow, packed full of stuff I bet you've never heard.
Autism in Heels, an intimate memoir, reveals the woman inside one of autism's most prominent figures, Jennifer O'Toole. At the age of thirty-five, Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, and for the first time in her life, things made sense. Now, Jennifer exposes the constant struggle between carefully crafted persona and authentic existence, editing the autism script with wit, candor,
passion, and power. Her journey is one of reverse-self-discovery not only as an Aspie but--more importantly--as a thoroughly modern woman.
Beyond being a memoir, Autism in Heels is a love letter to all women. It's a conversation starter. A game changer. And a firsthand account of what it is to walk in Jennifer's shoes (especially those iconic red stilettos).
Whether it's bad perms or body image, sexuality or self-esteem, Jennifer's is as much a human journey as one on the spectrum. Because autism "looks a bit different in pink," most girls and women who fit the profile are not identified, facing years of avoidable anxiety, eating disorders, volatile relationships, self-harm, and stunted independence. Jennifer has been there, too. Autism in Heels takes that message to the mainstream.
From her own struggles and self-discovery, she has built an empire of empowerment, inspiring women the world over to realize they aren't mistakes. They are misunderstood miracles.
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A sampling of videos from my channel this past week
This is a Bible study that goes with my first novel, Now It Will Spring Forth. My hope is that it will help you apply God's Word and the things He's done in your life in such a way that your faith will be strong enough to withstand the traumas life brings your way.
What is a Right & Left Brain Bible Overview? First of all, let me give a disclaimer that I'm not a scientist, nor does this claim to be science-based. :-) Your right brain is where your creativity generally takes place. Your left brain is where logic and analysis generally takes place. I have found for myself anecdotally (not through scientific research) that when I listen to something
educational (usually some kind of Christian podcast or YouTube video) while I'm crafting, I retain so much more of what I'm trying to learn. My kids and I used to listen to Scripture while they colored and I crocheted, with the same result. So those who want to color (right brain activity) while we listen to the Scripture being read and the story being discussed, compared with other Scriptures, and applied (left brain activity) can do that and see if this method works well for them. In my
previous series (Easter to Pentecost) we did this each day with some doodling AFTER all the normal Bible work. It doesn't matter whether you're artistic (check out my coloring; many 3rd graders could probably do better). You're welcome to color along (the link to the coloring book is in the description of each of these videos) or to just watch or even just listen.
You probably know that I became Catholic last year (after 60 years and a theology degree as a Protestant). One of the things I've noticed is that there are a lot of misconceptions by Protestants and Catholics about the other. In these videos, I'm not so much trying to convince you of something as trying to help you understand where we're coming from. I do, in real life, find myself
explaining to Catholics their misperceptions about Protestants as well. Since my viewers are generally Protestant, I answer those questions about Catholicism; but if I get questions from Catholics about Protestants, I would be happy to answer those as well.
I think this might question be the most misunderstood aspect of Catholicism by Protestants. (And it's not even the biggest difference.) Why, why, why do we PRAY to Mary and the Saints? Isn't God the only one we should pray to? And isn't Jesus our only intercessor?
In our Pray Serve Go group, we're exploring ministries and how to get involved in one or start one yourself. Here's our first offering - an example of my mom exploring a ministry and also how she started a small ministry. She and I will be sharing with you in a number of videos. You do not need to join the group to see these videos, but you're welcome to join us for more discussion and
encouragement, and some Zoom calls in the future for those who want. To join the group, go here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/prayservego
I offer a Chaplet of Divine Mercy with a different theme almost every Friday. Pray along any day.
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Thanks for spending some time with me. I hope God is blessing you in fantastic ways and that your walk with Him is getting closer and closer. If I can help you with that in any way, please let me know by replying to this email.
Love,
Alyce-Kay
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