“You enter life a ship laden with meaning, purpose and gifts
sent to be delivered to a hungry world.
And as much as the world needs your cargo,
you need to give it
away."
Greg Kimura
What's wrong vs what's right
Most people I come across have no idea that they have gifts, strengths, and talents to offer the world. Most clients arrive in my office because of
all the things ‘wrong’ with them. Many people spend years in therapy letting go of all the layers of judgement, shame and low self-esteem.
I find it sad that we’re not shown what’s right about us at an early age. Yet we are often told and shown what’s wrong and where we need to improve.
I'm aware it doesn’t help
to blame anyone. It’s the current paradigm, and what happened to me, too – until I discovered my talents and strengths through a beautiful coach-friend in 2013. (Hi, Berdine!)
It was one of the pivotal moments of my life and absolutely eye opening to realise that some of the qualities I’d judged and tried to get away from in myself, were in fact strengths – if I could learn to use them in an effective
way.
After that profound experience of starting to see parts of myself in a completely different light, I decided to train as a Strengths coach, too. It was SO enlightening (lightening the burden of all the ‘what’s wrong with me’ stuff, AND helping me to see myself in a different light) that I wanted to offer that experience to others, too.
It’s been my greatest joy to see my clients’ faces light up when we talk about their Strengths report. Especially when I ask them where they use their talents already, it’s so clear: Their energy suddenly comes alive, a light shines from their eyes, their body looks taller and straighter, and they also feel stronger to tackle the difficult things.
The opposite usually
happens in normal life. Well-meaning parents told us "No, not this way" for years. Teachers gave us red marks and told us where to improve. Colleagues and bosses point out where we go wrong, and even positive feedback is often clouded by a "Yes, but here’s the opportunity to grow and brush up."
And we feel more burdened by alllll the things we still need to change about
ourselves.
What if…
What if there’s already so much right with you? What if you just don’t know yet about the beautiful gifts that you do have? What if there’s been nowhere for you to learn about them - so you think they don’t exist?
For a moment, think about something that's easy for you, yet others struggle with that thing. Then, think of what you struggle with, yet others find easy. It’s not just a one way street.
A Unique Fish
We each have a set of unique talents. When we use them, we feel energized,
creative, happy, uplifted, strong… like life is easy and wonderful.
We’re like a fish in the water, though… a fish is so used to the water that it has no idea it’s there.
We’re the same with our talents. We don’t even notice we have any because they’re just so ‘normal’… they’re just that easy thing we do.
Unremarkable to us, so we don’t give it any attention. And we assume that it’s easy for others, too.
And that’s where we make the mistake. What’s easy for us, is not necessarily so for others.
A Personal Example
Working and 'being with' emotions is a complete joy and energizer for me, while for my sister or husband it would be hard work, awfully sapping and draining. They’d hate doing it.
My husband thrives on working with numbers and data, making sense of it and producing awesome graphs and reports for his clients. While for me – even though I was a computer programmer for 8 years –
it sends me into an anxious panic to have to figure out that stuff, and I suffer a headache very quickly. (No wonder I'm not a programmer anymore!)
And my sister loves jumping in with practical solutions, arranging elements in just the right way so the solution is easy and usable. While the energy drains right out of me when that's required of me.
As I wrote last week, a dear friend of mine is very ill in hospital. Bennie’s illness had me reconnect with people I’d lost touch with. I was talking with a wonderfully gifted man and mutual friend on Zoom, when he recited parts of this poem. I was
instantly in tears… it was deeply touching to hear a timeless truth in these beautiful, poetic words in his Irish accent.
Have you Delivered your Cargo?
I wanted to share this with you because maybe you’ve forgotten you have cargo to deliver.
I read this poem called 'Cargo' in this brief video. (3 mins)
The full poem is underneath the Youtube video. It’s my sincere hope that you take these words into your heart and remember how
much you can give a hungry world.
How to Discover your own Gifts and Cargo
Here are a few ideas if you don’t know your own precious cargo yet.
One:
Ask friends and family to describe what they notice is easy for you. We keep forgetting - what’s easy for us is not easy for everyone else. Let others shine the light there for you, because we’re notoriously bad at noticing our gifts. It’s too ‘normal’, and we discount it.
Two:
As you go about your daily life, notice when and where you are at your most energized. When do you feel like you could do that thing forever, or you want to do it again? When did you feel happy after an activity or task? I’m talking in all activities – home, work, family, relationships, vacation, everywhere.
Three:
What activities, work situations, personal projects do you look forward to? Does it involve a particular person, a particular type of activity, a particular place or environment? Time of day? Groups or individuals? Notice the specifics, it matters.
Four:
Read any of these articles for a bit more clarity on the above points:
It Turned my World Upside Down
Do you know the SIGNs of your Strengths?
How CliftonStrengths can help Relationships
Does talking energize or drain you? (a very long article, especially for introverts)
Five:
Do a CliftonStrengths assessment, which points you in the direction of strengths as well as weakness.
(SideNote: a Strength is something that makes you feel strong, NOT something you’re good
at! Similar – a weakness is something you do that makes you feel weak, NOT something you’re bad at!
We can be good at something yet hate it, in which case that’s a weakness. 💡)
And then! Please don’t leave your report in the drawer. Reading that report can seem dry and academic. Some
people struggle to see or feel themselves in it.
Instead, contact a Strengths coach (there are many, including me) to have a discussion about what your report means, where your gifts are already showing up and how to use them even more.
I can’t tell you how often people have said “Reading that report
meant nothing to me, but you made it come alive. I saw myself for the first time.”
My wish for you:
I hope and trust that you’ll be inspired by the poem to find and deliver your own precious Cargo to the hungry.
I’d love to hear from you. Do you feel you’ve delivered your cargo yet? Have the hungry been helped by the gifts you came with?
