On a Personal Note

Since there's a very long article today, I thought to dive straight into that. I have given this topic a lot of thought over the years. Are labels helpful, or do they hinder us? 

Get your cup of tea or coffee and read it in chunks if it's too long for one sitting. 

In my experience, like so many other topics, there are multiple layers and angles to this question. Since as an introvert HSP I can't help going deep, I could not say it in 500 words. I tried breaking it up, and felt it would lack continuity. 

If you read to the end, please write me - you'll get a massive acknowledgement and perhaps a little Voucher of some kind! 

I hope it's helpful for you in some way to read my thoughts about labels. 

As always, thank you for being here - I am so fully aware of the vast number of places you could spend your time and energy. 

On a Business Note: 

10 Ways in which Labels like 'Introvert' and 'HSP' 
can Help and Hinder

I’ve seen this type of interaction so often. Perhaps you’ve seen similar, or been on either side of this type of exchange: 

Person A: “I’m an introvert.”
Person B: “Don’t say that, you’re limiting yourself.”
Person A: “Well, it’s true. I am. I am self-aware and I have certain needs because I’m an introvert. ”
Person B: “Yes but now you’re defining yourself as that. I don’t like labels. It’s limiting.” 

Who is right? 

In today’s article, I’d love to pull this apart a little bit and look at many of the elements involved. 

Definition of Label

Let’s first look what the term ‘label’ means. 2 things come up from the dictionary:
1.    a small piece of paper, fabric, plastic, or similar material attached to an object and giving information about it.
2.    a classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing, especially one that is inaccurate or restrictive.

By nature, a label must include some things, and exclude others, else it won’t be useful. 

Almost everything we talk about can be called a label. A door is a label for an object that looks and behaves in certain ways. It excludes it being a window, a table, a chair. Grass is a label for a type of plant that grows in certain places and behaves in certain ways. It excludes it being a flower, a tree, a shrub. ‘Woman’ is a label for a certain set of characteristics. Saying ‘Post-menopausal woman’ qualifies the label even more. 

A medical diagnosis is also a label! Fibromyalgia, MS, chronic backpain, tendonitis, Parkinson’s Disease. All labels for sets of symptoms that not every person with those conditions experience. 

The labels (words) are not good or bad in themselves. They provide us with helpful information, but also doesn’t mention every other thing about the person or object. 

My intention in this article is to include both sides. A label can give us more information about something, which can be very helpful. And it can also classify someone or something in an inaccurate or restrictive way. 

5 Ways in which labels can be helpful

Let’s look at the helpful parts of labels first. 

I cook in bulk very often to make dinners easy for the rest of the week. When I’m not sure what is in a container in my freezer, it’s helpful to read the label I stuck on the lid: the name of the dish, the date, and the weight. It certainly does not list every single ingredient I added. Yet it does give me a super helpful indication of what taste I could expect, whether it’ll be enough for a full meal, and whether it’s still fresh.  

Let’s now look at 5 reasons why labels like ‘introvert’ or ‘HSP’ can be helpful. 

One: Self-understanding and acceptance

I have felt this benefit myself. Most of my life I’ve felt different and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Parents, teachers, and school friends expected me to be more outgoing, louder, more talkative than I was. That lead to self-doubt, feeling like something was wrong with me – yet unable to change myself. I really DIDN’T want to be more outgoing or spend more time in the company of others. I loved my quiet reading and thinking time – and it seemed like the people around me made it wrong. 

So when I finally learned about the term ‘introvert’ and realised that most of my clients were introverts too, I was absolutely delighted! Gosh! I’m not so weird after all! 

It helped me accept myself and my weird need for silence and solitude. There were others like me, and I understood myself and my behaviour a whole lot better. And the same happened when I learned about Highly Sensitive Persons. Oh my, the relief that I wasn’t a snowflake for not being able to stand noise, bright lights, loud music, too much going on, and felt drained so easily. It provided awareness for what I need to limit, avoid or be aware of for future interactions. I felt understood and validated. 
 

Two: Community and support

Human beings need a supportive environment to thrive. It is hard to grow and develop when we feel like the odd one out, unacceptable. Discovering groups where introverts and HSPs gathered and felt at ease with each other was liberating. In those groups, I didn’t have to try to be anything but myself. I could be silent, and no-one would bat an eye. I created a FB group for introverts, and people loved sharing their experiences. 

In my first Strengths course, my amazing trainer Dries Lombaard was (still is!) an introvert. Every one of the 5 students were an introvert. So, when Dries asked a question and he was met with silence, his response was: “You all have the talent of intellection. You’re not talking but I KNOW that a lot is going on for you in your head. When you’re ready, please share.” 

That gave all of us permission to be ourselves, think through the layers, not forced to speak when we were still mulling over. It fostered a sense of support, community, understanding. Not being judged for our strength of silent thinking was something I’ll never forget. Thank you Dries!

Three: Effective communication

Reading a label on my freezer food, even if it’s just 2 words like ‘chicken curry’ gives me instant information in a very effective way. I now know what’s in it – chicken, spices, tomato, veggies, water, salt, stock. I can recall which pot I made it in, what mood I was in, I can almost taste it by just reading the words, and perhaps even recall memories of other times I ate chicken curry. All that, by reading 2 words. 

That’s what a label like ‘I’m in introvert’ can do for us, too. It quickly provides the other person with some information that they would otherwise have had to discover in more laborious ways. It can help the other person(s) to understand why I’m not going to stay till the very end, or why I’m slower in my responses and need more time to prepare to speak, or why I enjoy eating my lunch by myself. 

It’s a type of shorthand, that can foster understanding. And of course, the other person’s response will depend on how they understand and accept the ‘label’ of introversion. More about that later. 

Four: Guidance for Personal Growth

When we understand our own tendencies, qualities and needs as introverts or HSPs, it can provide valuable insight into areas for personal growth and development. 
When I understood that me seeking out silence at the end of a long day was not a deficit or mistake but a true need to recharge, it gave me the permission to create my days in ways that would support my energy. When I understood that I need quiet time to think things through, I could say no to certain situations that would negate my needs. For instance: an open plan office. 

Knowing my needs, and being able to fulfil them, makes me a happier, more fulfilled person and increases my wellbeing. I had to learn to be aware of my needs and then speak up about them, instead of feeling resentful that no-one understood me. Plenty of opportunities for personal growth, right there. 

Five: Validation for help and support

When we’re aware of our tendencies, qualities, strengths, and weaknesses due to a label like introvert, it makes it easier for us to seek out help around certain areas. 
If we know as an HSP we easily get sensory overwhelm, it’s sensible to find a book, course or someone that can teach us strategies to manage that. 

If we know as an introvert, we cannot manage the number or frequency of social engagements expected of us, it would make absolute sense to seek out support to learn how to deal with that, set boundaries, and speak up for our needs. 

Next, let's look at how labels could also hinder us.  

Five Ways in which Labels can be Unhelpful 

One: Stereotyping and Oversimplification

Something I can’t stand when someone mentions their problem, is when another person pipes up with, “Just do this one thing and it will be sorted.” 
 

Really?!

That completely negates the complexity of a human being, their history and background, their beliefs, the reasons they developed that problem (usually a necessary strategy) and other complex layers they’ve not considered. 

In the same way, a label like ‘introvert’ can do that. It makes us think that “We ARE this one thing”, where nothing could be further from the truth. We consist of so many complex layers, human and spiritual. 

If I focus on this one aspect of myself, like “I’m an introvert”, it disregards all the other parts of me. You might never guess that I truly LOVE spending time with people if I say, “I’m an introvert.” It can lead to misunderstandings, assumptions, and oversimplification. 

Here are some stereotypes I’ve heard about introverts:

• They’re socially awkward and/or shy, and they struggle in social situations.
• They’re anti-social or unfriendly.
• A funny one: They don’t make friends. An extrovert sees them, likes them, and adopts them. Haha!😊

Some stereotypes I’ve heard about HSPs:

• They’re overly emotional or fragile. 
• They’re always crying, have mood swings or meltdowns. 
• They’re reclusive, avoiding social interactions and stimuli. 
• They’re withdrawn and isolate themselves to protect their sensitivity. 
• They can’t deal with rejection or criticism.

If you think these thoughts, I’d encourage you to learn more about introversion or HSP traits before you fall in those traps. 

Two:  Limiting beliefs

When we embrace a label, we do run the risk of buying into a limit that doesn’t necessarily have to be so. 

For instance: If I fully buy into the HSP label, I could start reinforcing the idea for myself that “I’m so sensitive” and should avoid certain things, or that my body just can’t deal with them. Or if I buy into “Introverts need solitude”, I could limit my interactions with the people that I love and adore – and not give myself the chance to fully explore the depth, breadth, and width of my true capacity. 

I can remember the first time I had 5 client calls on one day, AND felt energized at the end of it. Prior to that, I believed that to be impossible for me. “I can’t have more than 3 calls”, “I need silence after every call” and “I can’t have as many appointments as extroverts” were firmly implanted in my mind. Thank goodness on that day I was willing to explore those limits for myself. 

I can’t say I’d love 5 calls every day, but at the same time I don’t want limits or ideas about what’s possible for introverts or HSPs, to define me. 

Some limiting beliefs I’ve heard from introverts:

• I’m not good at socialising (thus, they retreat from it even more)
• I’ll always stand in an extrovert’s shadow (leading to not even trying or feeling resentful)
• I won’t be promoted because I’m too quiet (thus, not learning to speak up)
• I need to change myself to fit in (thus, not being authentic or letting their full self shine)
• There is something wrong with me (thus, hiding, excluding themselves, isolating)
• I can’t handle loud or unfamiliar situations (therefore limiting growth, expansion, options, joy)

Limiting beliefs I’ve heard from HSPs:

• I’m too sensitive for this world (leading to hiding, inadequacy, isolation, not making the difference they could make)
• I’m a burden to others (leading to guilt, self-blame, hiding, isolation)
• I can’t handle criticism or conflict (leading to avoid disagreement, not growing, not learning to be assertive and stand up for their needs, running away from conflict)
• I’m limited in what I can achieve (leading to self-imposed barriers to grow and explore what’s possible for them, avoiding challenges or opportunities)

The wonderful thing: these are limiting beliefs, not factual truths. They may have felt factual for a person because they’ve experienced the evidence in their own life. But if it was fact, it would have been true for every introvert or HSP on the planet. 

We can effectively and safely work with EFT to start deleting and transforming these limiting beliefs. They’re spoil sports, false news, and just not necessary to carry around with us if we want fulfilling, self-actualised, meaningful lives.

Three: Stigmatisation and discrimination

I wrote earlier about the perception of others when we refer to ourselves with a label. Other people don’t always have a positive association with the labels meaningful to us.

If I say “I’m an introvert” in a large group of people, expecting their understanding, I could be disappointed, rejected, ridiculed because of THEIR perception of what an introvert is. 

Many people wrongly assume that introversion means someone is shy or people-averse. You should see a bunch of introverts together when they discuss a topic that they’re passionate about! 

I don’t want someone to unfairly make assumptions about me because of their limited understanding of a label. And yes, unfortunately that happens. 

Four: Confirmation bias and avoidance of growth

Confirmation bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of our own existing beliefs or theories. 

So when we adopt a label like ‘introversion’, it’s human and normal to interpret our experiences through the lens of this label. 

For instance: I may be tired because of a lack of sleep for a few nights. When I have 2 meetings on that day, I would feel exhausted afterwards. It would be a great example of confirmation bias to say “You see! I can only manage 1 meeting a day, I’m an introvert/HSP and need to limit my social interactions, they drain me.” 

The truth is – a few nights of better sleep will help my overall resources and energy to increase, and I could easily handle 4 meetings a day. 

After that, I could avoid ever scheduling more than 1 meeting a day again – and in that way, limit my own growth and expansion. 

Hanging on tightly to a label can reinforce the fixed ideas we have about it and reinforce how we are limited because of it. “I can’t do this thing. My excuse is I’m an HSP”. 

Do we really want to be limited like this? 

Five: Exclusion and lack of nuance

Labels can easily overlook the diversity of human and individual experiences. It lacks nuance, too. 

Not every introvert neatly fits all the descriptions and tendencies I’ve seen listed in many books, articles and websites. In fact, a part of me gets annoyed when I see a blanket generalisation like ‘Introverts are…’ with a list of descriptions. I want to shout “No, NOT all introverts ARE!”

Not every HSP has all the traits of HSP-ness either. There’re nuances and degrees we miss when we lump all things into a neat little container of “THIS is what introversion or sensitivity is.”

Plus… so many people do not identify with labels like introvert/extrovert. (Fortunately, there is something in the middle - an ambivert!) 

I’ve seen so many labels create divisions and ‘us versus them’ mentality. Black/white are labels. Clever/dumb, intellectual, slim, skinny, brainy, fit, lazy. All labels that include some and exclude others, creating a ‘you don’t belong with us’ kind of feeling. 

So… are labels good or bad?

There are so many new and old labels that I can hardly keep up. I’m thinking of ADHD, autism, dyslexia, neurodiversity, many for gender. And if we don’t, we can get another label like ‘discrimination’, ‘politically incorrect’ (PC), ‘insensitive’, or ‘disrespectful’. 

(Notice - I'm not saying any of those labels are right or wrong. All of the above apply to them too - help AND hinder!)

I have to be painfully honest (big apology if I'm stepping on toes) and admit when I see a social media post about someone newly diagnosed with autism, ADHD or neurodiversity, a mean, judgy part (only a part!) of me wants to roll my eyes. Those posts can come across as, “I’m special! More special than all you ‘normal’ people.”

My guess (saying this with a huge grin)is  that hundreds of thousands of others (including you) could think the same about the way I proudly wear my ‘introversion’ and ‘HSP’ labels, and I get that. 

“You think you’re so special because you’re sensitive?!” <eyeroll>

This takes us right back to one of my first points. 

What we do with a tool

When we have been struggling along, feeling different, it can be the biggest relief to find out that a set of behaviours or characteristics have a name (label). That means I’m not THAT different, not alone, part of a group. There are others like me, I’m no longer isolated and alone, I feel understood and validated, I’ve found my tribe, I’ll be loved and accepted just as I am. We feel safer when our 'condition' has a name. It's now a known thing. There is more safety in certainty. 

Every human being needs acceptance, love and to feel included - that's how we survive, and it's programmed into our nervous system. To be loved as part of a tribe is one of the 6 basic human needs, together with needing to feel unique / like an individual.

However, I believe what we DO with that label afterwards is what determines the usefulness of it. 

If I justify my perceived limitations or behaviours with my label, it’s probably less useful. 

While If I use the label to continue exploring awareness of myself and how I behave -  to grow and expand my options and choices, it might tend to the more useful side. 

This was a rich topic for me to explore by writing about it. Thank you for reading. 
 

Love hearing from you! 

How have labels either helped you grow or limit you? What thoughts came up for you reading this?