[Focus Mag] Why Burning Your Bridges is GOOD for You...

Published: Wed, 11/16/16

Why Burning Your Bridges is GOOD for You…

Your will power WILL break.
Your focus WILL fade.
Your effort WILL weaken.
You NEED to box yourself in.
It is best to burn your bridges behind you.  

Let me show you why…


“Sometimes burning bridges isn’t a bad thing. It prevents you from going back to places you never should have been in the first place.” 
When You Can't Go Back, the Choice to Go FORWARD Is Easier


Most People are Good Starters and Crappy Finishers

Most people start strong and fizzle. That used to be me too.

You'll start something and then something happens. (Note: something will always happen…) You will look at that “something” as a valid reason to: stop, quit, change course, delay, slow down, question, doubt, run, hide, lie and stop showing up for yourself.

You do everything the way you do one thing.

It is best to burn your bridges behind you so you cannot retreat and MUST FINISH.

Facing Your Fears By CHOICE Takes Practice

Most people haven't been anywhere near their limits because you hit your fears first.

Your pattern is to turn when it gets difficult and uncomfortable. To achieve a Big Dream or Big Growth or to solve a BIG Problem you need to NOT turn.

Firefighters run INTO a burning building and we run out of one. You have to train yourself to be able to run into your burning building! You have to train yourself to run TOWARDS danger and fear.

Most of you know the acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. It’s so “real” that you respect it and treat it like a factor that is allowed to consistently change your course.

You have a tendency to confront your fears only when you have no other choice. And the more successful you are, the more you will confront a fear by CHOICE.

Learning to confront fear by choice takes practice. That means in the beginning, you can't do it. Do you get it? Do you see the import of that to your life?

When you first set out to change your life you do not have the requisite skill set and discipline to face fear consistently by choice.

Solution: It is best for you to engineer your circumstances so that you burn your bridges behind you - REMOVING THE OPTION TO RUN, you then have no other choice but to go forward and face your fear.

Once you've done this several times you will begin to build a new pattern - the pattern that says I faced my fear and it WASN’T real. I faced my fear and it wasn't as scary. I faced my fear and it didn't stop me. (That is the mindset of a Bad Ass in training, like my women).

It is only by this repeated, actual practice that you begin to discredit the power of fear to alter your course and block your good choices.

Repeat After Me

When I burn my bridges behind me, I have to show up.
When I burn my bridges behind me, I have to go forward.
When I burn my bridges behind me, I have no choice to run anymore.

But Tanya, I SHOULD Be Able to Do This WITHOUT Boxing Myself In…

I was just at a coaching conference that drew coaches and women business owners from all over the world. My calling? I spent the week coaching those coaches in the hallway, in the bathroom, hotel rooms and restaurants and on every break. (So cool that God trusts me to this work!)

One coach, who is a fully fantastic health worker and acupuncturist for over 35 years came to me in frustration. She was resisting the HELP she needed to grow her business & herself.

She needed to begin burning her bridges behind her. She needed to box herself in. She was frustrated that she HAD to do such crazy, expensive things in order to get where she wants to go. 

I told her to stop it and just do what it takes FOR HER.  Stop judging what YOU NEED TO SUCCEED. If she needs three different coaching programs to box herself in, then she (a coach) should DO that.

Are you judging what it takes you to succeed? Stop it. Some people are very good at math (that’s me!) and others had to hire tutors just to get through. Don’t spend time complaining you need a tutor. Hire the tutor for the full damn year (burn your bridges behind you) and get on with it honey! :-)

I spoke to another coach for several hours on Sunday. She was applying for me to coach her and I turned her down because she could not fully commit and burn bridges behind her.

She wants to have to back doors, a "what if" plan and a “just in case” escape route.  She was “wiggly” and wanted to “try”. Definitely in “Let Wait & See What Happens” LWSWH Energy. That’s a HELL NO for me and should be for you too.

***If you are flakey, if you spin, if you often find yourself in “overwhelm”, if you can see your pattern of starting strong and getting distracted you need to BOX YOURSELF INTO YOUR DECISIONS SO IT IS DIFFICULT TO RUN. You need to begin burning bridges behind you.   

In armies all over the planet, in times not so long ago, the standing order was to SHOOT ALL DESERTERS. The military had to “burn that bridge” to prevent people from running away.

You may not agree with wars and military tactics but the policy of total NON-TOLERANCE to quitting is powerful.  When quitting isn’t an option all that is left is DOING IT.

Stop Comparing

It is not a competition to see who has the easiest route to success. I don't care how hard your route is to success. It's YOUR route. They all look different.

It is always the ego when you catch yourself comparing. So what if it’s harder for YOU to lose weight, YOU to find a great mate or YOU to build your business.

It is up to you to tell yourself the truth about what YOU PERSONALLY need to succeed, then go find that and box yourself into it. (Hint: Yes, you can translate “box myself in” as strong commitment with a penalty for bailing.)

Almost all of you need a coach, but very few of you will get one, because you'll never get past the idea that “I shouldn't HAVE TO spend money to make myself do what I already know I should do.”

I love you and the next year will pass anyway. The only question is where will you be at the end of the next year? Be honest, when 2016 began you SAID you’d do more, be more, grow more and make more.

What have you ACTUALLY gotten done this year?

I Still Box Myself In Too

All good coaches have coaches. I spent $21,000+ this year on coaching and yes, that hurt a little! I boxed myself in to do that and I am soo freaking happy I did.

I learned I can coach anyone but my super power is helping women business owners (Alpha Females) who are struggling with their relationships transform their whole life. That specificity arrived after I did the uncomfortable.

I’m also adding running back into my life alongside my high intensity interval training.  I just signed up for the Atlanta Christmas 5K road race Dec 17th because I don't feel like running!

Look back at your life, at the last two or three things that were a “do or die” situation for you, that you just HAD to make it work - had to proverbially "make away where there is no way. "

You DID IT didn't you? You figured it out. You made it happen. One of my coaches loves the word grit. It is Grit that helps you through those kinds of moments.

What I am suggesting is, that you should actually engineer more of those kinds of moments to build up your grit muscle.

When you know you CAN, even when you don't WANT to - you become fearless. It is best for you to burn bridges behind you until you have the habit of facing fear without running.

(And no, this doesn't mean you should send a nastygram to your boss tomorrow.)

Pick one thing and lock yourself in by telling everyone the choice you made (like my race!). Peer pressure and pride will keep you moving!

Please set the bridges back to “I can’t”, “The timing isn’t right”, “I don’t know HOW” and “Convince me some more” on FIRE.

Tanya Recommends:

Take 2 minutes and watch a little bit about GRIT (Growth, Resilience, Instinct & Tenacity) in this video from the author of a book about it, Dr. Paul Stoltz.

A person with Grit will burn their bridges to get where they want to go…

Want a little more mindset? This other 2 min video from him is excellent and has a VERY surprising statistic that you want to know!
I always ask you to DO something with your training.  Pick something and box yourself in. That means there's a penalty for bailing – loss of face or loss of money both work. I do not care about how great it feels when you start. Every divorce had happy days in the beginning! I care about whether you let yourself off the hook when it gets hard. Don't. Stay with it. Commit. Burn the “no one knows & I’m not invested so I can change my mind easily” bridge.
Burning your bridges is about telling yourself the truth about how strong you are RIGHT NOW vs. how strong you’d LIKE TO BE. When you tell the truth that you WILL cheat on your diet if it’s easy to do so, it makes sense to throw all the junk food away to begin. That is burning bridges.  When you resist doing this, you are resisting the truth and acting on what “should be” or “could be”, both of which must fail by law. When you start your journey from where you really are, you make real progress. The Universe responds very quickly to "All In."
Wow, Did You Hear?
Cooper Says...
Pick 5 adjectives to describe Tanya
Luminous, Beautifully Smart, Spiritual, Compassionately Honest, Intuitive

Pick 5 adjectives to describe coaching with Tanya
Fun, Painful, Enlightening, Expansive, Enduring, Humbling (Sorry, that's six)

What made you spend the money on yourself for coaching?
She gave so much of herself during the coaching process that I considered payment actually as an offering.

What are some things you can do NOW that you couldn’t do before her coaching?
Becoming better at materializing desires.

Was the process of changing comfortable?
No!  But positive results during the process were immediate and encourage me to continue for more.

Are you glad you chose to coach with Tanya?

What 3 things would you tell YOURSELF if you went back in time to get yourself to coach with Tanya sooner?
Listen, Trust and Act

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My Mission:

I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change
How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression.