Here’s what I Want Us to Tackle Today:
- Whose Idea Was It For Us To Chase Things Anyway?
- Why Chasing Can Never Work
- 7 Bad Things I Can See That Flow From Chasing
- Chasing is Hiding The Truth From You
Whose Idea Was It For Us to Chase
I don't think I'm going too far out on the limb by saying this started as a cavemen thing. Seriously. If you (or more accurately your mate if you are female) didn't go out and CHASE something that was running away from you, you did NOT get protein to eat and winter was HARD.
We chased animals for food and warmth. We probably chased each other to get the best shelters and men chase women to get the best mates. So, I think it's safe to say that we have a
very long and well-established precedent for chasing ending in positive outcomes for us.
Well… that’s changed.
The problem is apparently nobody sent a note to our parents and their parent’s parents and so on. So they have been teaching every generation the same way they were taught - go chase things down!
We can clearly blame the Cro-Magnon man for the whole chasing food down bit, but chasing love is a lot more recent I'd say. We’ve learned quickly that
if we didn't chase the lover we wanted, the attention we wanted or the relationship we wanted, we went empty-handed.
Nothing like starting a good training by figuring out who's to blame! It's our parents and ancestors going back ad infinitum. Good, now let’s solve the problem.
Chasing Can Never Work
Chasing – Tanya’s Definition: The shortcut the ego recommends to try to FORCE life to give you what you are not ready for yet (not a match to). This is done to avoid the work of SELF IMPROVEMENT, which would naturally attract TO you what is desired.
I can explain why chasing is an awful idea in 3 sentences.
1- The entire Universe (um, that includes YOU) is subject to the Laws of Attraction, we get what we focus on and what we ARE. (Similar things come TO us.)
2- Chasing is using effort to try to get something that is NOT already attracted to you. (see Efforting
3- You aren’t supposed to have it yet, so even if you GET it, you’ll find it hard to keep.
Close your eyes (unless you are driving and seriously, if you are
driving you REALLY shouldn’t be reading this – It’s dangerous, you could miss something I wrote!).
I could ask you what was the last thing you chased that got away, but I won’t. I’ll ask you what were the last things you CHASED that you caught and then discovered: 1) you didn’t want them 2) it didn’t want you 3) it wasn’t worth
No one likes the easiest example, but men prefer to select their mates. When women initiate or chase the man and convince him to pick her or stay, the relationships have a higher divorce rate. Think about it. If he picked you, fought for you, schemed and plotted to win you – he is INVESTED in a different way than if he just went along with your “pick me
I find those relationships often require what I call “reactivation energy” where the woman has to keep finding and hitting his reset button to reactivate him in the relationship. Chasing sucks.
7 Bad Things I Can See That Flow From Chasing
Chasing REINFORCES all of these bad for you things:
Creates a pattern that you have
to “work” for good things. That makes you suspicious of good that arrives without work and can even make you unable to see the good around you. That causes you to be ungrateful for your blessings, which stops your flow of them.
Expands your sense of lack or low self-worth. YOU have to “make it happen”. The bible refers
to the consequence of being cast out of the metaphorical Garden of Eden was that man was then required to “earn his bread by the sweat of his brow.” Sounds an awful lot like chasing and efforting to me.
Confirms the person you are chasing is more powerful and you are weak. When you feel weak, you feel fear and everything bad comes
from that disconnected place.
Supports continually NOT having. Chasing spiritually affirms that you currently DON’T have “it” and your efforts and actions then act to make that absence MORE TRUE.
Strengthens the ego’s power. The ego loves chasing things. If it can’t get you to blame, it will get you to chase. If it can get you to chase and THEN blame, jackpot. Predictable unhappiness.
Encourages living in the future. I’ll be happy WHEN I GET THAT. Living in the future is where
all your worries and anxiety are. All the unknowns are and NONE of your power is. You cannot alter the “future”, only the now, hence you feel powerless & afraid.
Guarantees disappointment & exhaustion. Things flee from whatever chases them. When you were younger and he was chasing you, you were annoyed. Who did YOU want? The
guy that wasn’t chasing you.
Chasing is About PROVING Your Worth, When It Should NOT Be in Question
Isn’t it odd that when you look behind you,
you associate chasing and excess effort with neediness & desperation (yuck) and yet, when YOU do it, you want it to be rewarded and praised?
We have been taught by the ego over generations to PROVE OUR WORTH TO RECEIVE FROM GOD. That is NOT the Law. The Law is Grace, which is a very divine concept. Grace does not require efforting, chasing or proving.
When the Universe gives you something by grace, you merit it just because you ARE.
Little Game Changer- this week find ONE situation in which you can give someone else GRACE. Uncalled for, generous, loving mercy. Just once. This week. And I’d love it if you shared your story with me. It
makes me feel amazing knowing I am actually being the change I wish to see in the world.
Chasing is HIDING the Truth from You
First let me show you some situations where the chasing
indicates other problems that you are ignoring.
- You chase your kids to get them to do their homework or go to bed on time.
- You chase your mate to pay bills on time.
- You chase your friend to make time for you.
In all three of these situations you are being resisted and your response is to push harder, to do MORE or manipulate (with anger, threats, displaying hurt/playing victim).
Here the chasing is
signaling you to the deeper problems that you need to address.
- Your children have respect, motivation & commitment problems. You have an enabling issue.
- Your mate has an intimacy problem and lack around money. You have an enabling issue.
- Your friend has commitment issues and lack around time. You have a fear of being alone or rejected (self-love) issue.
Do you see how chasing is just a Ski Mask hiding the faces of the crimes being committed?
I used to chase clients. NO business person would call it chasing. They called it “necessary follow-up.” I’ve taught marketing, so I know that the average person needs 5-8 touches (contacts where they keep saying no) before they buy something.
felt like CHASING to me because I am wired for massive action. My breakthrough was when I drew the line and determined my clients hire immediately and if they don’t, I’m not going to chase them. THEY AREN’T MINE. I don’t want the people that need 7 touches. How freeing it was to say that!
Does that mean they are bad? No. They are perfectly average but I don’t do average.
When you drop chasing you will face resistance. Chasing is EXPECTED. But as you’ve seen, it’s also crazily detrimental.
Look at Your Life
What am I chasing and how can I stop? Is the question I want you to ask yourself this week.
Are you chasing
losing weight? Stop it. Stop chasing losing and start being healthy and the weight will drop.
Are you chasing the way your marriage “used to be”? Stop it. Chasing is a fear based motivation and must fail. Stand where you are and ask yourself how can you improve YOU and see what that does. If improving you destroys the
marriage, then it wasn’t going to make it.
Are you chasing new clients or money? Stop it. This tells me that something else is wrong. Your product, your sales process, your lead generation, your marketing. Something is wrong that can be fixed so that you attract your prospects instead of chase
Look at chasing like a big red warning flag and
you'll change your