Being Alone – THE GOOD
I’m an extrovert. (If this surprises you, you are clearly
a NEW reader.)
I always believed that extroverts didn’t LIKE being alone. I have discovered a few things that really shifted my perspective.
- I am no longer a pure extrovert. I have found that as I have grown spiritually, I uncovered a deep introvert side that I never knew about or nurtured
- Extroverts recharge around people. Introverts recharge alone. When I learned that, it was a huge aha moment! I do both. This is how I know I have become a hybrid.
- Some of the world’s top-paid speakers are introverts! Being an introvert does NOT mean you cannot do “social” or “public” things
- My ego distracted me and kept feeding the idea that I was a pure extrovert, so that I would starve the rest of me – the part of me in charge of deep connection, communication and intuition – the part connected to my heart.
We’ll loop back to why it’s GOOD to be alone, you may not fully buy it just
Being Alone – THE BAD
(Some part of you just read that heading and nodded in agreement. It’s kinda what you already believe.)
In my past, I never wanted to be alone. I can see in hindsight I equated it with some kind of “failure.” If I was smart enough, pretty enough, fun enough why would
anyone leave? Why wouldn’t someone ALWAYS want to be there?
This grew into a real triggering around the holidays – the pack of three: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine’s Day looked like a great big exam that told me how LOVED I was, translation, how LOVABLE and WORTHY I
was. (What? You didn’t expect me to take my OWN word for my value did you? I was just like you.)
If you’ve ever heard me teach about the Square of Doom Behaviors (Regretting, Resenting, Rescuing and Resisting) - my poison of choice
was RESCUING! OMG, could I rescue!
I rescued family (for awhile I thought about getting my own Bank of Tanya ATM), “friends” (who I had to learn later weren’t actually friends, they were victims under my protection) and men (if a
man in trouble is like a cupcake, I used to run a bakery).
I used my rescuing so that I wouldn’t have to be…ALONE. If you needed me, you couldn’t leave right? Right? (Actually, wrong. People left anyway and it was waaaaayyy messier.)
There was a stretch of New Year’s Eve disaster stories that I could sell to the Hallmark Movie Channel. Including one date with a UPS Driver (package delivery service) who GOT LOST coming to my house and was an hour & half late, so dinner? Cancelled! We had a microwave breakfast sandwich from a gas station that made me sick (you
can’t make this stuff up).
This was ALL so we’d be on time for my “SURPRISE” - which was NOT a New Year’s Eve Rock Concert like I thought but….. a church service at his favorite MEGA CORPORATE church. It was soo big that they shuttled people from the far parking zones!
I have not thought of that in years! I don’t have to risk these treacherous waters anymore because I love myself enough to be Happy alone. You don’t have to “fix” being alone.
Being Alone – THE UGLY
This is where you blame OTHER people for you
not being happy when you are alone. You make your happiness someone else’s responsibility.
Tanya’s Definition of Loneliness: When you have made someone else responsible for your happiness and they don’t show up.
This is UGLY because it screws you up in several different ways:
- You feel like a victim and powerless because you gave your power of happiness away.
- You keep looking
OUTSIDE of you for a solution when it’s an inside job.
- Your expectations feel like pressure to others, so they resist them automatically.
- You accept LESS just to have SOMETHING.
- You get addicted to the company of others, so being alone
feels “weird” instead of natural.
There’s more but that’s enough to show you that if being alone feels super uncomfortable, you want to work on that.
Newsflash, even if you are MARRIED, your mate is not responsible for
entertaining you constantly. They will in the beginning (some people call it courtship LOL) but it gets old.
I no longer make plans for the holidays. Yep. I let God deliver my plans to me. I spent Thanksgiving alone and have NEVER had a better Thanksgiving. I was happy. I felt loved and I did things I enjoyed
ALL day. (Share My "Single Woman's Dream Thanksgiving" here).
My Christmas plans arrived a few weeks
before Christmas as a last minute, week long, Oceanside townhome on the beach. Solo. New Years? No clue yet. (Hint: Not even thinking about it.)
Back to Happy
Your ability to be alone and be happy is a great indicator of your self-love.
The funny thing about holidays is they are a time where we all “check” to see how much others love us.
IF YOU ARE TRULY LOVED you should already know! I am in a place that if my mate were here, he wouldn’t need to make ANY production out of ANY holiday because I already feel loved. I am
now very EASY to love.
Can you be alone on a holiday? Well, how loved do you feel by YOU? How secure do you feel in their love? THAT is your answer.
Now you know why I think Being Alone is GOOD for you. It shows you your weak spot.
I cannot tell you the joy I have felt spending a week at the beach on the Gulf of Mexico for Christmas. The strangers I have met and laughed with. The blessings I have given.
The family photos I’ve taken for people. It was THIS joy, THIS glow that led to what may be the best swimsuit photo I’ve ever taken. My “JOY” was showing!
Lonely is a choice. Start removing it as a default choice. Strengthen your self-love. Make a list of things you would like to do FOR you and do those
things when you are alone. I feel delicious alone. Free of obligation and full of choices. I want that feeling for you too!