Ugh! I duplicated my main article in my earlier email.
This is the corrected version.
Problems With Being “That Parent”
That Parent has different connotations depending on who is saying it. If a teacher is talking about That Parent they may be referring to a parent they deem as never being satisfied, always wanting something different than what the district is offering, otherwise known as a pain in the butt.
There are other teachers that consider a parent as being That Parent because they are speaking up for their child and exercising their rights and those educators are cheering the parent on (maybe secretly).
Have You Been Labeled That Parent?
I was labeled That Parent by some school staff when I was advocating for our son Dylan to be included. I took it as a compliment even though I knew it wasn’t meant that way.
After all, I spend hours in the evenings and on weekends reading books and research about inclusion, preparing for IEP meetings, and learning about choices we had to resolve disputes. I was proud to be That Parent.
Years later I even sold Hello, My Name is That Parent mugs and t-shirts. And then I had a conversation with a friend who helps me push my thinking and to look from another perspective.
I
began to realize that my encouraging parents to know their rights, speak up at meetings, learn what to say and not say at IEP meetings was actually having some parents feel less than.
What The System Does
The system makes parents feel insufficient and as fellow parents we don’t want to add to that. We need to
put the onus back on the district.
One of the persons I've been learning from is Dr. Priya Lalvani, a Disability Studies and Inclusive Education professor at Montclair State University, author of Constructing the (M)other,
and parent. She helped me understand three problems of being That Parent whom only advocates for their individual child.
Individual Advocacy is Exhausting
One problem is it takes a lot of effort, mentally, emotionally, and access to resources and finances to advocate for individual students to be included. It’s exhausting for individual parents to be in a place where they feel they have to rise to the occasion and be “That Parent” in order to get what their child deserves.
Who Is Getting Left Out?
Another problem with individual advocacy from “That Parent” is when we look around to see who is not at the table with a strong voice.
Parents who don’t have the resources, the language, the time, the culture that supports questioning others, are left out and in turn, their children are further marginalized.
The Education System Needs to Change
The third problem with Individual advocacy by “That Parent” is we are allowing the education system to
continue doing what they’ve always done, responding to parents that are considered “That Parent” and not seeing a need to create systemic change.
Shift Needs to Happen
We need to stop putting the onus on parents. A shift needs to happen, it’s not that the parents have to become better. It’s up to the system to change.
Individual That Parents across the country are advocating for inclusive education. Yes, there are some changes being made for one child at a time.
AND We know individual advocacy rarely creates lasting change for other students.
We need to advocate for systemic change instead of individual change. Systemic change will create ripple effects for all students, even for those whose parents who can’t be at the table.
Collective Advocacy Is Needed
Dr. Priya Lalvani, reminds us of the fruitful collective advocacy efforts of the 1960s and 1970s when parents collaborated with many organizations to bring about change in our education system.
Let us return to our grass root efforts, dismantle our current education system and create one where every student that walks or rolls through the school doors is welcomed, accepted for who they are, and are recognized for the contributions they make.
We need to connect and start working more with other parents, disable students and adults, educators, and community members who want lasting change. We can't do this alone. We need to support each other and work together to make
changes.
If you would like support for creating collective advocacy in your school district, just reply to this email and let me know. We are all in this
together.
