Well you guys, the past couple weeks have been incredibly transformational, which is leading to some very interesting things happening in my life.
One thing I've been sharing over on @anneuncensored on IG is my dating journey and how I have been consciously calling in my partner for the past few years (before I even began actively dating).
After the destruction of my former relationship, I knew I never wanted to enter into another relationship with those patterns of self-sabotage again. I spent a good two years healing, doing the shadow work, and taking my time to get very clear about who I am and what I want.
Within the past year, I've begun to ramp up my dating even more and since being in Phoenix, each man gets even closer to what I'm actually looking for.
There was one man in particular I hadn't met, but showed much promise in his energy and communication. After 3 weeks of communicating but timing up not aligning to meet up, he disappeared. Although on the surface, it appeared that moving onto the next seemed the most logical, I was devastated.
Old codependent wounds got triggered, as well as trauma from emotional neglect and abandonment. My entire body began to purge what that man triggered within me by leaving.
For days I sobbed. There's no doubt about it, I was depressed.
Two days before Thanksgiving, I went out for a hike. I sat down on a rock and knew what I had to do. I decided to delete his number and fully release him, assuming I would never hear from him again. As soon as I deleted all messages and contact info, I began to sob. Natalie/Ego continued to feel like I was asking her to give up her puppy. The process of detachment is such a challenge.
It's easy to intellectually know, "It's this or something better" but to the inner child part of ourselves, it's even easier to become attached to the thing or person that brought joy and laughter into our lives. Every time she wanted to latch on, I reminded her, "He was simply just reflecting our own joy and laughter. He was simply reflecting everything that already exists within us."
The next day, I began to start vlogging again. The weekly intuitive messages weren't aligning anymore and I wanted to create more of what brings me joy as a way to serve others - live my life and write/speak/teach about it. I teach from my experiences.
I embody what is taught in the spiritual community. Everything has come from direct, firsthand experience.
Then, Thanksgiving came and another man swooped in out of left field.
Four dates in and our connection and journey are proving to add amazing content to book 3!
He has me climbing steep as fuck rocks, crab crawling down them, hiking off trail to sit and watch the sunrise, and hiking trails at night.
Note to self: When you set the intention for an active partner, be specific. If I thought my fiery Aries self liked to move my body, fuck. His Sagittarius ass is blowing me out of the water.
What surprises me more than anything is that for the first time, I'm not focused on the outcome. Others ask me, "Do you like him? Any updates?"
He's a full-time traveler, as well. What I'm realizing is that for the first time I really have no clue what will happen. I've never known what trying to date or potentially getting into a relationship would look like while living a nomadic life. Everything in my life is non-traditional. Why would a relationship be any different?
If I've learned one thing over the past couple years it's this - detach from the outcome and have fun.
Every time I've had my heart smashed, the pieces have reassembled in a new way, allowing me to love more deeply, be more vulnerable, have more compassion, and remain more present.
With great reward comes great risk. And, I'm here for it.
Allow yourself the gift of living your life. There's nothing else like it!