The Serendipities Keep Coming
The Universe never fails to awe or amaze me.
Remember, I said I was going to write about Life Lessons?
But what came to me was to write about “Mothering“.
And then the Queen of England,
seen as a quintessential mother figure, passes away.
Here, in Australia, a Commonwealth country, the death of the Queen is felt and treated much like 9/11 in the US.
It doesn’t dominate the new cycle, it IS the news cycle.
In fact, all
newscasters right now have been wearing black signifying mourning and respect since they first learned of her passing.
Parliament here is suspended (think of Congress being cancelled).
The Queen was very much an Alpha woman born in an earlier generation. And the loss of such a enduring, visible Mother figure is hitting people hard.
Why? Because she was an idealized Mothering figure
and it “felt” like she had enough to give everyone.
Contrast that with
our real lives, with our moms.
We Alphas are missing things that our mothers couldn’t give us,
because they didn’t HAVE those things either.
So your Mom did her best. For some of you that meant you had (what I used to call in my Divorce Lawyer days), an “Alley Cat Mom”.
Alley Cat Moms make sure the children have food, a place to sleep and generally ensure the house doesn’t burn down. But when it comes to morals, values, emotional support, encouragement and making you feel loved and special? Not so much.
For some of you, you had moms who overcompensated trying to love you EXTRA, to make up for what they knew they could not give you - which could’ve been Financial, Emotional or the support & presence of a good father.
No matter where you fell on the spectrum of mothering, it was not complete. That is why you adapted to become an Alpha woman.
Being Alpha for a woman is basically a complex set of defense and coping
mechanisms to deal with a world where you feel so unsafe.
Sadly, when we have daughters, we fight with them. We see ourselves in them or we see what we most fear and triggers us, “weakness“. So we push them. Because we cannot abide the thought of them suffering the way
Hence, almost all girls born to an Alpha mom become Alphas themselves and in the process fight with their mother intensely.
On the flipside, our boys are where we allow our protective, masculine Alpha to step too far forward. We actually prevent boys from completing their growth and evolution into a full masculine man.
They learned that a “strong woman“, (a.k.a. Alpha!) can and WILL handle everything… so they don’t learn to handle what men should.
Our boys watch us and notice that we don’t appear to have needs, that we can go endlessly without
thanks, that we don’t seek help.
This wrongfully convinces our sons that this is the way a woman SHOULD BE for his highest comfort and happiness.
It’s who he goes LOOKING for to marry! (And mostly, he will find either a bitchy Alpha or victim unfortunately…)
We break our boys and make them too soft.
See? I promised last week I would tell you why our girls become Alpha and why are boys become soft (Beta).
You do too much for your boys and too little for your girls.
And all of this is a crazy form of compensation for the stuff that you KNOW you missed out on.
The longer an Alpha operates from this paradigm, the emptier she gets. The emptier she gets, the needier she is
inside and the more she suppresses
that need because her own neediness repulses her.
- That. Is the death of self-love.
- That. Makes self-worth an impossibility.
- ALL that. Locks you into a pattern of struggle in all of your relationships.
So yes, my sweetest girl. You need Mothering.
Next week I’m going to help you own that need for Mothering.
But for now, recognize that if somebody didn’t give you the entire deck of cards to start with, at whatever game you play in the future, you will always have to compensate for whatever cards you DON’T have in your hand.
The sooner you can identify which cards were missing and figure out
how to deal them to yourself, the sooner you can start to approach
Inner Balance that creates the Outer Life you want.