3 Healthy Ways to Get the Mothering You Need Now
- Give it to
- Attract it from a healthy woman
- Get it from a Coach/Group
#1 Give it To Yourself
Even though this one is quickest, it may not be the easiest of the three.
What makes it tricky to give the mothering you need to yourself, is you have to specifically identify the “gap“ in that foundational relationship.
You have to KNOW what was missing from your mothering relationship and then translate THAT issuing thing into something you can do for your inner self, now.
For example, I grew up learning love was a reward for some kind of ACTION: a sacrifice,
a performance, a DOING, not a BEING.
For me to give myself Mothering now, I make sure to give my inner self love for: being, for pausing, for NOT rushing and for spotting and declining sacrifices.
I will tell you what I believe to be true.
I think you can get a long way by Mothering yourself but it won’t get you entirely
There will always be something about another person holding the space and protection over you, that is different and somehow deeper.
#2 Attract Mothering From A Healthy Woman
Maybe you read that line and thought, “Great! I can do this or I already have this.”
Again, let me hit you with the catchy bit upfront. Well…two catchy bits.
First, there aren’t really that many healthy women roaming around with wide open schedules to adopt you. Especially if you are still relatively unhealed and need LOTS of work (love).
Second, we often just assume that we’ve attracted someone healthier than us and we start feeling Mothered.
Unfortunately, that older woman is often still caught in her Alpha’s
“rescuing phase”. She’s rescuing not Mothering.
Rescue is NOT positive. It’s sacrifice, fear & contraction based.
It is not Mothering, which is love and expansion based.
Yep. That was
depressing. But I never lie to you Alpha.
You can attract this kind of special, blessed relationship easiest by asking for it and then releasing it to go to work on Numbers 1 and/or 3.
#3 Get Mothering From A Coach/Group
Putting the cautions upfront again. I do not, in all honesty, know of any other coaches that Mother like I do. Sigh. I just counted on my hand my last five high-end coaches - ranging from 6K to 6 figures.
One. One of them Mothered me. We are still close.
(2 just didn’t fit and 2 were recipients of letters including legalese from me).
So, while it’s possible to get it from a Coach, it’s not common. Mothering is not going to be THEIR goal.
I think you may be more likely to get some of the aspects of Mothering from a group of high achievers, IF you super sync with the members.
This does not have to be a life or
business coaching group. It might be hot yoga. It might be 6 AM bicyclers. It might be mom‘s having wine once a month.
In fact, now that I’ve written all this truth I’m going to have to add a fourth Way which is the one I’m going to super encourage you to begin
Bonus Way #4
Look For Moments of Mothering EVERYWHERE
This will be the only one that I don’t actually start with a caution!
The most powerful experience of Mothering is experiencing it continuously from a person, for just you and your life.
Yet, that can be rare, precious and sometimes difficult to attract.
But I want you to have some of the experience of that now.
So start looking around you and noticing moments where events in your life offer you a brief glimpse of “mothering.”
Start paying attention to when the cashier sees how tired you are in the grocery line and speeds up just a little to get you home sooner. Mothering.
Notice if your
friend stays on the phone longer than she has time for because… YOU need it. Mothering.
Notice young boys holding the door open for you. And cranky cats coming up to give you a gentle head butt. Notice there were no police around when you went through that
yellow light a bit late. Or still 2 cookies in a bag you would’ve sworn was empty. (The Universe Mothers too!)
Weave together any & all of these avenues that work to start repairing the hole in your foundation Alpha.
I want you well loved and Mothered.