Which is YOUR Higher Priority?
Being RIGHT vs Being HAPPY
I was literally asked this question. Verbatim. Want to know
what I said?
Years ago in a Catholic Church required pre-marital counseling session…
Catholic Priest (Father Gene) asks my first Intended Husband:
Would you rather be right or happy?
Intended Husband: Hmm. Happy I guess.
Father gives nod of
Father Gene to Tanya in her full, wild Alpha state:
And would you rather be right or happy?
Alpha Tanya: Well, right if I’m right. (Squirming because I can clearly SEE
that's the “wrong” answer, but cannot make myself lie!)
To his credit, Father Gene didn’t make me feel bad and praised my honesty.
So let’s clear this up. A focus on being right means you are willing to suppress FEELINGS (theirs and yours) to PRIORITIZE THINKING.
Being right is about logic, analysis (which is the act of ripping things apart to understand them) and celebrating the battle you win at the cost of the whole war.
When I really love you + I need to be right = I need you to admit you
are wrong, for me to feel better, while you feel worse.
It should be enough knowing you are right.
Are you willing to push your mate to shame and defensiveness, ALL while cheering for your more accurate memory?
We are NOT talking about you letting a doctor give your child a medication they’re allergic to because you
don’t need to be “right.“
We’re talking about an inability to soften your mind's need for approval, in recognition of the tender feelings involved.
How does this get us into trouble with our marriages?
The demand in your thinking mind to be "right"
leads to a demand for things to be "done right".
This causes a huge problem in giving men one of the things they most need to be happy in a
relationship, which is to feel NEEDED.
Alphas do everything and do all of it very well. There’s no room for error and you like things to be done right, the first time. That usually results in you being the one who does all the “doing.“
So of course, your man feels not needed, because you’re doing everything. If, however, it occurs to you to STOP doing everything and make space for him to do something, you are going to need him to do it “right." (Hint: That means to do it your way or to your
You will only be happy if it’s done right. This man hasn't been let to do this before on a regular basis, so of course he isn’t going to be good at it. So when he does it, he’s either going to fail or he’s going to not do it as well as you
could. Meaning… he doesn’t do it “right.“
You use his performance as proof of why he shouldn’t get any other chances to be in charge. He is relegated back to a position of unimportance. He is not needed because you need to be right and your things need to be
Because he feels useless, he will resist you. And in Alpha Beta marriages, he won’t resist you directly, he’ll resist you passive aggressively (which will make you absolutely
Do you see it? You get to be RIGHT but you don’t get to be HAPPY.
remember when your children were little and they went through that phase where they wanted to do everything themselves? And then would’ve come a day, when they put the right shoe on their left foot. And they were so happy and proud of themselves! Because you’re a good mom, you let them have that moment. You gave up being right and let them be happy.
They were still going to eventually learn which shoe went on which foot.
Not everything you are right about is worth a fight to win.
The Alpha Priority is BEING HAPPY (FEELINGS)
versus BEING RIGHT (THINKING).
We’ve grown up in homes and lives that have made us hardened toward our own feelings. Universal law? Four words: As Within, So Without.
If you are callous towards your own feelings… Guess what?
You are then more callous to the feelings of those you love, more than you would want to believe.
You can’t treat others any better than you treat yourself. If you require yourself to be right, you require others to be right and always do things the “right way”– including your husband, your children, and your employees.
Consistently running over your loved ones’ feelings causes more harm than sometimes backing down.
You may be technically right, but sometimes it’s way more important to uncover the do or die reason your loved one feels like they need
to “win“ this round with you. It can save your marriage. It can strengthen a bond with a child. It can de-escalate a stressed employee on the edge.
I’m happy to report that these days, I’d much rather be happy than right